Is this guy a jerk or what?

[GirlinContempt]

I know this guy who, after dating a very nice girl (C) for a while, broke up with her for unknown (to me) reasons. C was still very much interested in him, and he was very interested in continuing to have 'relations' with her.

So they continued a pseudo-relationship for some time, though I warned him very strongly that it wasn't right of him to do. He KNEW (as he admitted) that she cared more for him than he did for her. He KNEW she would continue to be too attached to him, and when he eventually found someone else it would hurt her all the more if they stayed together. He said he knew all this, but never did anything about it. And claimed that he wished to remain friends with her, as he's alienated most of his friends.

He was unemployed, and she would come over, order food, hang out with him every day, they would be intimate. They acted like a couple, though technically they weren't.

Now, suddenly this other girl(A) that the guy knows shows back up in town. Suddenly she's practically moved into his house, he's been ignoring C ever since. He's been publicly flaunting his new relationship with this other girl, to their mutual friends, on the internet, etc. Ditching C, despite claiming he wants friendship with her.

C told him she was angry with him, for basically all the reasons stated above. He told her that she wasn't being 'fair' with her anger. That he could understand why she would feel sad, but being angry was unreasonable.

What do you guys think? Personally I think she's more than justified in being angry. Adults should show at least a modicum of propriety (lets call it decorum) in situations like this. It isn't just that he found someone else, it's that he KNEW he was going to hurt her badly, continued to do what he was doing, and then when presented with another girl, took that opportunity in the most hurtful way he could have. I think he's a jerk.

[RandomKoolzip]

1. Let's see..........

a) he's unemployed

b) he's using some girl for sex

c) he's using some girl for sex under the pretext of "let's be friends."

d) he's a philanderer

e) he's unemployed.


Does this guy have ANY good qualities?

[GirlinContempt]

2. No

He's also filthy, lazy, irresponsible, childish.... for m ore info see my post about my room mate :P

[RandomKoolzip]

3. Same guy?

It bugs me to read about someone who's been given advantages who decides to remain unemployed and take advantage of the good graces of others...that, above everything else. pisses me off the most.


Is he a drug dealer? That would be the only reason I'd hang out with such an organism.

Uh, if I still did drugs, that is.



Cuz I don't.

[GirlinContempt]

4. Yep, same guy

And he'd be a really terrible drug dealer. If he managed to get enough to buy his first lot, he'd either smoke it all himself, or spend all the money he earned from it and not be able to buy anymore.

[RandomKoolzip]

15. Here's what you do:

Have you and your friends pool up some money. When you have enough to buy a refrigerator, go to Sears and purchase the largest one they have. Then, you all tell him to come over to your apartment, where you'll be throwing a party for him.....and there's a present waiting! A SHINY NEW REFRIGERATOR! WITH CRUSHED ICE, EVEN!

When he comes over, hit him over the head with a cudgel, and shove him into the refrigerator. Get a heavy welding tool and weld the doors shut.

Then call Sears and tell them to send a product delivery guy over to haul away your "broken" fridge.



Either that, or you and your friends can stage an intervention and tell him to get his shit straight or be ostracized.

BTW, What ARE his redeeming qualities?

[GirlinContempt]

17. Uhm...

redeeming qualities... as long as you don't get in the way of his selfishness, he can be nice. He is generous with what little he does have usually.

[RandomKoolzip]

21. That sounds more like a cat than a human.

But at least a cat has the decency to be adorable.

It seems like you and your friends need to cut this guy loose.


I remember once in high school when some of my friends staged a mini-intervention for me. They were tired of having to pay for me to get into movies, get lunch, etc. (I've always been poor.) At first I was mad, but then I woke up and realized that they were right. That was the best thing they could have done for me.

Maybe this schmendrick needs the same treatment.

[GirlinContempt]

25. Well

since I kicked him out, I dunno how easy that will be. But it's not a bad idea.

[lildreamer316]

5. LOL

Join the club. I don't either.:evilgrin:

[Darth_Kitten]

7. I would let the new girl know what she's in for....

:P

How do these losers get and keep women? I don't know.... :(

[GirlinContempt]

11. The new girl is totally batshit

I told him months ago she wasn't allowed in my apartment again, after she flipped out and refused to leave and locked herself in my bathroom and was cutting herself in there.

I'm not worried about her getting fucked over by him.

[Darth_Kitten]

16. Oh, okay, so they deserve each other....

that relationship will reach it's natural conclusion. :(

[GirlinContempt]

18. ooooh yeah

[sakabatou]

29. No honor or discipline in him...

[WCGreen]

38. You ex room mate....

Holy shit... I thought he sounded familiar....

Well, he seems like he is a very immature boy....

All your gal pals should just walk away from him....

Let him stew in his own filth for awhile....

He is not being adult like at all....

Just a fucking pig....

[Blue_Tires]

40. i guess the women always sway over to the bad boys

explains why im alone lol

[entanglement]

37. And he still managed to win the hearts of 2 ladies!

Funny how the world works!

[GirlinContempt]

6. No one else have any insight?

[smirkymonkey]

52. The guy is a total loser, but the real issue is why does

your friend put up with it? She probably has some serious self-esteem issues and if she doesn't focus on dealing with THAT, then she is going to keep on finding the same type of guy over and over again.

Trust me - I have been in this spot and have seen many of my friends in this spot as well. As long as they keep the focus on the other person and don't take a good look at themselves, the pattern not only repeats but the lesson gets harder and harder.

[sendero]

55. That's ..

... a nicer way of saying what I was thinking. "C" is most certainly part of the problem. In fact, a marriage counsellor will tell you that no dysfunctional relationship is the sole fault of one party.

'Nuff said.

[caty]

8. I hope that C

totally cuts this guy out of her life. He has shown her his "true colors" and I hope she can find a way to get over this jerk as quickly as possible. The best revenge is to lead a full and happy life without him. If this new relationship doesn't work out for him, I hope she won't go back to this creep.

You're right in your opinion of him. Men like him are what gives other men a bad name.

[Darth_Kitten]

9. She's the lucky one in this situation....

he saved her the trouble of kicking his slimy a** to the curb.

She's so better off without this loser.... :)

[caty]

22. Mya Angelo

says that if someone shows you who they are--believe them. This guy as shown every one who knows him who he is. I hope they all believe him.

[Tallison]

26. Oh wow

Is that from a particular one of her books?

[tjdee]

28. Oprah says that all the time, LOL>

That's the only way I know Maya said it, because Oprah says it all the time.

[caty]

30. I don't know, but

I heard her say it once when she was on Oprah. I've never forgotten it.

[GirlinContempt]

19. I hope she won't either

[SOteric]

10. I think

if she's angry, she's angry. He doesn't get to tell her how to feel. And he's obviously no great authority in how one ought to conduct oneself.

He used her. She was an ongoing booty call. That doesn't make him much of a prize in my book, and I would think from what you've described, her anger is valid and she's got a right to it.

[GirlinContempt]

23. Yeah

I think she has a very good reason to be angry.
And the fact that he doesn't get why she's angry baffles me

[Tallison]

12. What's with women interested in men

who aren't interested in them? When a man breaks up with a woman, HINT, he's the wrong man for that woman. Independently process the sting of rejection toward ultimate liberation: he's the wrong man for that woman. But good God, what's with idealizing the man at the point of break up. So "C" only realizes now that he's a jerk? Please don't tell me she now wants him more than ever...

[GirlinContempt]

13. No, she doesn't

not anymore

[Tallison]

14. I get exasperated only because

I've been there and am finally past it. Just working on my sisterfriends... :hug:

[anarch]

20. I'd go with the term "scumbag" myself,

but why quibble over small distinctions....

[GirlinContempt]

33. lol

nice

[supernova]

24. A jerk who fears being alone

He doesn't want to break up with anyone until he has someone else stringing along because he secretly doesn't want to be.... ALONE! :scared:

Your friend (C) is better off without him. And sorry she's hurting.

Those two deserve each other.

[GirlinContempt]

34. She's totally better off without him

I've been telling her that

[tjdee]

27. She let him do that to her. Women are like that too often.

They take shit from loser guys like this, and it encourages the loser behavior.

He broke up with her and still wanted to have sex with her--what is that saying to her? Nothing?

She should of course be angry that he sucks, but angry at herself for allowing him to walk all over her. Hopefully she won't let a man use her like that again.

[Telly Savalas]

39. I've seen my share of that sort of thing too.

It's the emotional equivalent of riding a motorcycle blindfolded with no helmet.

"I'm too much of a loser to maintain a committed relationship, but if you wanna come over, shag, and buy me some food, that's hip." This posture is a red flag that the guy isn't someone who C should have placed her emotional trust in.

C shouldn't be angry at the guy because such anger is an acknowledgement of his existence and hence a waste of energy. We all make bad choices. The best thing to do is to learn from it and move on.

(Sorry if I seem callous for not directing my ire towards the loser, but a fucking loser is a fucking loser. Not much that can be done about that.)

[Tallison]

43. Exactly. Women need to stop rewarding that behavior/

Like I say about deadbeat, conservative, misogynist types all the time: Who fucks these men?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

31. she should be angry

both at herself and him

[mainegreen]

32. If you know your not going to stay with someone, DONT

I can't stand it when people do that. I know someone who does that all the time, to the point where they get engaged, wait until about a month before the wedding, and then this person dumps their significant other. Its so sad.
Its one thing to leave one person for another. Sometimes things just happen. Where the crime comes into this is to know in advance your going to leave a person, and not do it (barring some extra-ordinary circumstance like their in a coma and you want to wait until their out of the coma and walking around, or something akin). It makes you a pain-causing time thief!

[miss_kitty]

35. C is lucky

she should move on and not waste any more emotion on this dude. I'm sure she's much better than that and needs to realise it-or she will only attract the losers.

A lot of guys will go for ass when it's offered up on a plate like that. She needs to respect herself more.

[BlueJazz]

36. Actually..I rather like the Guy...

I figure he's doing me a favor by "hooking up" with the type of Woman that I would never, ever want to get serious with....so..
..in effect, he's lessening my chances of getting the shaft. :)

[no name no slogan]

41. What did C see in this asshat?

The guy must be a hell of a charmer to keep stringing C along-- ESPECIALLY since he said they were "broken up".

She's justified in being angry, but she should have ditched this asshole long ago-- after all, didn't he consider that they were not a couple? IMHO C needs to work on her self-esteem if she thinks that this guy is deserving of her affections.

This guy's bad news, and she just needs to write him off and look for love elsewhere. That jerkoff doesn't even deserve the time of day.

[Nikia]

42. He's a jerk, but lesson for the future for your friend

If someone breaks up with you but wants friends with benefits and you still love them, don't have sex with that person. Everyone who I know who did that sort of thing ended up hurt when the other person started dating someone else and broke off their friendship. If the person still cares about you, but doesn't want a relationship, that person can have a friendship without the sex. Continuing to have sex, when you had a relationship and still have those feelings, keeps you from moving on.

[Omphaloskepsis]

44. He is a prick..

He fucked you over and is fucking over someone else. I sense a trend. So the question is when he leaves on the first to you ever have to see his lame ass again?

Is he fucking over your friends?

[GirlinContempt]

45. Tonight might be an explosion.

Crazygirl is getting kicked out

[Omphaloskepsis]

48. Good luck with that.

Just don't do anything that could get you hurt. If you do go off try to have a friend come over first. Have them hide in your bedroom. Stay safe. I'm off to get dinner.

:hug:

[dxstone]

46. I blame THIS guy! HE'S the REAL jerk!

Whatever your friends' difficulties, it can ALL be traced back to this vile man and his evil saxamaphone...

I'm glad we've finally got some SANE and STABLE leadership in there now:



Soon we won't have to listen to stories like yours ever again!
d

[I Have A Dream]

47. I think that he's selfish, & I think that she didn't treat herself with...

respect.

At least he was honest with her. Too bad that he used her, but she allowed it. She really should have seen this coming given everything that he told her. Did she think that she'd be able to convince him to stay with her?

I wish that it hadn't happened to her, but it was inevitable given what you've said about this guy.

[bridgit]

49. A, B, or for that matter: C, it's a pay or play contract...

human emotions can be sticky; deep, thick waters, are not so easily stirred with a willow switch imo

If you ever get close to a human
And human behaviour
Be ready to get confused
There's definitely no logic
To human behaviour
But yet so irristible
There's no map
To human behaviour
They're terribly moody
Then all of a sudden turn happy
But, oh, to get involved in the exchange
Of human emotions is ever so satisfying
There's no map
And a compass
Wouldn't help at all
Human behaviour

[tedoll78]

50. Wow.

Shameful.

To that guy: Way to go! Thanks for propagating that male pig myth..

To (C): Revenge is a dish best served cold. Bide your time, and plan something nice and painful..

{yes.. I'm all about vengeance..}

[Blue_Tires]

51. jerk is an understatement!

n/t

[BlueIris]

56. Understatement of the decade, if you ask me.

He seems to have quite a bit of trouble relating to and interacting with other adults. That's sad, considering the nature of the relationship. And screw that "you're not being fair" shit about her justifiable anger at having been used and strung along like that. It's a classic bastard excuse for not having to take responsibility for the pain said bastards are causing others with their sick, pitiable behavior, which isn't exactly the epitome of "fair" based on what I read in the OP.

I feel sorry for all the women that men like that inflict themselves on. I hope C will be okay.

[Kali]

53. Yep he sounds like a jerk, but C has a problem too, if you ask me

She has been warned, fooled and needs to get over it.

[donco6]

58. You wonder how C views herself if she let that go on.

I mean, who wouldn't be thinking, "Oh yeah, you don't want me as more than a f-buddy? Oh, yeah, that's working for me . . . " :sarcasm:

I'm frickin' GAY and know that doesn't work for most women. So what's up with C?

[LisaL]

54. C should dump this loser and move on with her life.

[donco6]

57. He's a total toad.

No question about it.

[GirlinContempt]

59. hehehe

toad
hehe