Joke: a lesson in knowing when to keep your mouth shut

[MissMillie]

Subject: Shut my mouth

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On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and
asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for the next 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that at the age of 55, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed thirty years of deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for the 30 years she had charged him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"
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THAT'S WHEN SHE SHOT HIM!

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[anarch]

1. that's funny!

and I'll kick it and add another joke I just re-discovered, also with a lesson involved (appropriate for puritanical fundies, "morals" voters, and the like...)

Little Tony was sitting on a park bench munching
on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th candy bar, a man on the bench across from him said,
"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you.
It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little Tony replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little Tony answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business."

[NewJeffCT]

8. I love that one

Thanks for the good jokes.

[NMMNG]

2. Both excellent jokes, thanks for sharing! n/t

[WCGreen]

3. Good Clean Jokes.......

My Favorite Aunt was named Millie...

She passed away last year, right before I went into the hopsital for 36 days....

I can say this without a tear....

Boy, I MissMillie

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. Oh my dear MissMillie.......

What a riot! I love it.....I've got to remember this one...

It is priceless......

Thank you......


:rofl:

[hfojvt]

5. a man thinks his wife is having an affair

so he calls home from work and gets the maid. "Go see if my wife is in bed with another man" he tells her.
She comes back "Yes, there is a man in bed with her. What should I do now?"
He is furious and barks "Go get a gun and shoot both of them!" For some reason she is very obedient and does this and comes back to the phone.
"Okay. I shot them both. What do I do now?"
He says "Throw the gun out the back window into the pool."
She says "There's no pool in the backyard."
"There isn't?" He asks, incredulous. "Is this 643-8849?"

[In_The_Wind]

6. Excellent

true love is rare ... but like lots of men - he blew it.

[DS1]

7. hahahah!

If my 'wife' asked for 20 bucks a pop, I'd get her the 20 bucks and call her a cab.

:eyes:

[FLSurfer]

9. I've heard a joke similar to the first but it ended with

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "you must be really good at investing because what I've given you would have to be way less than $3M."
She calmly replied "Well everybody else isn't as cheap as you."

[AllegroRondo]

10. Lottery joke

A man wins the lottery, and calls his wife at home.

"Honey, I just won $40 Million! Pack your bags!"

"What should I pack for? A ski trip? A cruise?"

"I don't care, as long as you're out of the house by the time I get home!"