so a piece of string walks into a bar and orders a drink...

[Tom Kitten]

Bartender takes one look at it and yells, "Get out of here! We don't serve string!"
Saddened piece of string goes outside, thinks for a moment, then starts unraveling itself before it ties itself up and walks back into the bar and orders another drink...

Bartender says, "Hey! Aren't you the piece of string I just kicked out of here a minute ago?

Piece of string replies..."No, I'm a frayed knot"...

[Crazy Guggenheim]

1. LMAO!

:rofl: :spray:

[Graf Orlok]

2. Hahaha.

:rofl:

[Crazy Guggenheim]

4. LMAO!

:rofl: :spray: :woohoo:

[Tom Kitten]

9. ok...

I appreciate it but you can stop now!
:rofl: :spray: :woohoo:

[hfojvt]

8. doctor says: good news and bad news. Good news is U have 24 hours 2 live

bad news is: I forgot to call you yesterday.

[hfojvt]

3. a priest, a rabbi and a penguin walk into a bar

and the bartender says 'what is this, some kind of joke?'

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. Omigod........

A pun.......

The lowest form of wit.....

I LOVE it!

:rofl:

[enigmatic]

6. grooooooann........

:rofl:

[Crazy Guggenheim]

7. I can't stop .......

:rofl:

[Crazy Guggenheim]

10. I just flew in from Boston!

Boy are my arms tired!

:rofl: :rofl: :spray: :applause: :woohoo:

[WCGreen]

11. A set of Jumper cables walks into a bar...

The bartenders say, you better not be starin' anything....

[GoddessOfGuinness]

12. Hahahahaha!

Cute! :rotf:

[Crazy Guggenheim]

13. A needle walks into a bar and the bartender says ...

"Hey we can't serve you! Last time you had everybody in stiches."

:rofl: :rofl: :spray:

[Graf Orlok]

15. Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It was driving down the road and then suddenly turned into a field.

[Crazy Guggenheim]

17. .......

:rofl: :rofl: :spray: :spray: :woohoo:

[Graf Orlok]

14. So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.

And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"

And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"

[Crazy Guggenheim]

16. LMAO!

[Tom Kitten]

19. you hit the nail right on the head!

Obviously a couple of stud muffins...

[Graf Orlok]

18. The Best Scarecrow

He had won every award and received every possible accolade: he was simply the best scarecrow ever. He truly was out standing in his field.

[Tom Kitten]

20. mein gott!

what have I startled?

[Crazy Guggenheim]

21. You're crack up! LMAO!

:rofl: :spray: :rofl: :spray:

[Graf Orlok]

22. Two podiatrists who opened their offices on the same street.

They were arch enemies.

I can't help myself!

[Crazy Guggenheim]

23. LMAO! You guys crack me up!!

[Graf Orlok]

24. Can a shoe box?

No, but a tin can.

DAMNIT! I can't stop!

[Crazy Guggenheim]

26. You guys are the best!! LMAO!

[Graf Orlok]

27. One last one:

Police are searching for a thief who robs his victims by threatening them with a lighted match.

They want to catch him before he strikes again.

[Crazy Guggenheim]

28. STOP! STOP! It's to much!!

:spray: :spray: :rofl: :rofl:

[Graf Orlok]

30. If you don't pay your exorcist you'll get repossessed.

[Crazy Guggenheim]

31. That's it! That's it!

:spray: :spray: :rofl: :rofl:

[Graf Orlok]

33. An author did all his writing from a study beneath his house.

It was a very cryptic book, but it was at a bargain-basement price, so he ended up with a best cellar.

[Crazy Guggenheim]

34. LOL. That's funny.

:spray: :spray: :rofl: :rofl:

[Tom Kitten]

32. speaking of tin cans...

did you hear about the sperm whale and the submarine?

don't know all the details but heard the seamen got sucked out...

[Canuckistanian]

25. Termite walks into a bar

And says to the waitress, is the bartender here? .........Get it? Bar? Tender?...............He's a Termite, see?... And so Termites, well they kinda like wood....You see now? No?...... Oh, it's just not funny, ah, I see.
:bounce:

[Crazy Guggenheim]

29. OH JESUS! I'M BUSTING A GUT!

[Tom Kitten]

35. I'm shaking my head here...

If I was a carpenter ant...
And you were my bladey...

[Crazy Guggenheim]

36. Too much!! Too much!!

[Shell Beau]

37. Hee hee hee! Corny but funny!!!

:rofl:

[Shell Beau]

38. Two peanuts walk into a bar

One was a-salted!

A dyslexic man walks into a bra!

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here."
One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman... She, of course, turns him down.
Not willing, to give up, he pleads with her... "C'mon lady, I'm a fun guy..."