Weirdest Christmas Songs Poll....

[vi5]

What are some of the strangest, most bizarro Christmas songs you can think of?

As much as I love it, that Bing Crosby/David Bowie duet on Little Drummer Boy is up there in the pantheon of bizarre.

Greg Lake's I Believe In Father Christmas is pretty strange in that pompous prog-rock way.

I love the Poques "Fairy Tale Of New York" but I'll admit that it's pretty strange.

[tekriter]

1. The Waitresses - "Christmas Rappings"

Love that song but my wife HATES HATES HATES it.

[supernova]

2. Love that!

Christmas Rappings. It's a great contemporary xmas song.

[La_Serpiente]

3. Mommy kissing Santa Clause

I never really got that one.

[meatloaf]

7. Then you must just love...

Daddy kissing Santa Clause.

[Bertha Venation]

4. "Merry Christmas from the Family" Dixie Chicks

Maybe not bizarre or weird, but for this woman, who comes from a long and distinguished line of PWT, it is fabulous. Here's the first chorus:

Carve the turkey turn the ball game on
Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone
Send somebody to the Quik-Pak store
We need some ice and an extension cord
A can of bean dip and some Diet Rite
A box of tampons and some Marlboro Lights
Hallelujah everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family

[GumboYaYa]

21. That's actually Robert Earl Keen's Christmas song

covered by the Dixie Chicks. It is hilarious.

[mac56]

5. My all time most hated one is "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer".

Nothing says Yuletide cheer like the accidental injury of a senior citizen.

I've also had trouble with the lyrics to "It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year". The middle eight sings about "chestnuts for roasting, marshmallows for toasting, and caroling out in the snow". No problem there. But the next line says, "There'll be scary ghost stories..."? WTF? Scary ghost stories? Do they mean Dickens' "Christmas Carol"? What an odd misplaced reference.

[vi5]

6. I hate GGROBAR as well.....

I think it's just the whole redneck angle of it that annoys me.

I've never noticed that verse about ghost stories in the other song.

[RebelOne]

8. Same opinion

Totally redneck.

[mac56]

9. I used to refuse to play it on my radio show.

The station was a "golden oldies" format, so of course songs like this were big at holiday time. I flat out refused to play it. Told the station manager I'd play it only if each requester made a $50 donation to the local seniors center.

[meatloaf]

10. What about...

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping at the Gin.

Can't remember how the rest goes. There's a different newer version of Chipmunks roasting but I remember this one being more amusing. Wish I could find it somewhere.

[supernova]

11. Twisted Tunes Vault

Courtesy of the master of song satire... Bob Rivers.


Chipmunks roasting on an open fire
Hot sauce dripping from their toes
(“Oh! That tickles!”)
Yuletide squirrels fresh filleted by the choir
They poked hot skewers through their nose
(“Ow! Wrong end, ya cowboy!”)
Everybody knows some pepper and a garlic clove
Help to make them seasoned right
Tiny rats with a crisp golden coat
Will really hit the spot tonight

And now when Santa sees his tray
(“Ho ho ho ho ho ho”)
There’ll be some homemade chipmunk jerky for his sleigh
(“Mmmm…Hey, look at that!”)
And every hungry child is gonna spy
To see if chipmunks really sing when they fry
And so I’m brushing on some honey glaze
To keep them crisp and juicy too
Let’s hope they get served many times many ways
Tasty Chipmunks; good food

“On that, Mr. Cole, ”
“Yes, sir, Mr. Seville?”
“Would you mind handing me the barbeque sauce? I am starved!”
”Oh,no problem Dave. Hey listen, you best be havin’ two of those drumsticks, because they’re oh-so tiny and there ain’t much meat upon ‘em”
(“What about animal rights, Dave?”)
“Put a sock in it Melvin”
“You know, for years people said you over-rated hamsters were my meal ticket. Now I guess you could just say you’re my meal!”
“That’s a good one, Dave…I always knew you was the funny one in the group!”
“Damn straight!”

And so I'm offering some recipes
From chipmunk pie to chipmunk stew
I’m not really sad that it ended this way
Furry chipmunks screw you

“Did you hear that Melvin? Melvin? Mellllviiiiin?"
“Why, I’m sorry Dave, did you want Melvin? There’s plenty of Thagadore left though…”




http://www.twistedtunes.com/show/twistedtunes/xmas.asp

[meatloaf]

12. Yeah, that's the newer one I referred to.

The older one was done by a woman, and starts out as I mentioned. I'd love to find it someday. I may actually have a recording of it somewhere, but I haven't found it yet.

[grannylib]

13. Anything with dogs or cats "singing"....

[Dead_Parrot]

14. How could you forget...

...Kevin "Bloody" Wilson's...

Santa Clause you c*nt,
Where's me f*ckin' bike?
I unwrapped all this other junk,
And theres nothin' that i like.
I wrote ya a bloody letter,
And I came to see ya twice:
Ya worn out geriatric f*rt,
Ya forgot me f*ckin' bike

[Screaming Lord Byron]

15. Jesus Christ - Big Star, Frosty the Snowman - Cocteau Twins

Both actually brilliant.

[XNASA]

16. Sonic Youth's cover of the Martin Mull Christmas Classic.....

"Santa Doesn't Cop Out on Dope" on the "Just Say Noel" compilation.

[kckc]

17. Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin'

Not necessarily weird, but not your standard Christmas tune either. It's on the Alligator Records Christmas Blues album from a few years ago. If you wanna get really funky, listen to Dr John's version of Le Divin' Enfant (gasp! it's French! Can I listen to this and not be arrested?)

[Loonman]

18. "I found the brains of Santa Claus"

I found the brains of Santa Claus
Underneath my bed
They were in a pickle jar
I wonder if he's dead.

Oh, they smell like dried up tuna
And look more gray than red
I found the brains of Santa Claus
I'll bet you that he's dead.


Yes, he still may have a jelly belly
And a big white bushy beard
But without that gray stuff in his head
He would act kind of weird


I found the brains of Santa Claus
His wife may want them back
I'd send them to her C.O.D.
The ZIP codes all I lack

They really aren't much use to me
'Cept serve them as a snack
I found the brains of Santa Claus
It's strange but it's a fact

Musical interlude - verse


Yes, he still may have a jelly belly
And a big white bushy beard
But without that gray stuff in his head
He would act kind of weird


I found the brains of Santa Claus
Underneath my bed
They were in a pickle jar
I wonder if he's dead.

Oh, they smell like dried up tuna
And look more gray than red

I found the brains of Santa Claus

I hope he isn't dead.


Copyright© Tim Cavenaugh

[ComerPerro]

22. WTF???????

:wtf:

[Loonman]

24. Here's a Weird Al one

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's music in the air
The sleigh bells are ringin' and the carolers are singin'
While the air raid sirens blare

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
The button has been pressed
The radio just let us know
That this is not a test

Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin'
It's the end of all humanity
No more time for last minute shoppin'
It's time to face your final destiny

Well, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's panic in the crowd
We can dodge debris while we trim the tree
Underneath a mushroom cloud

{siren}

You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop
Or Jack Frost on your windowsill
But if someone's climbin' down your chimney
You better load your gun and shoot to kill

Oh, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
And if the radiation level's okay
I'll go out with you and see the all new
Mutations on New Year's Day

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
Just seconds left to go
I'll duck and cover with my yuletide lover
Underneath the mistletoe

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
Now the missiles are on their way
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday

© "Weird" Al Yankovic

[ironflange]

19. Two South Park gems

Merry F*cking Christmas
Christmas Time in Hell

[rucky]

20. Walkin' Around In Women's Underwear

i forgot who did it... to the tune of winter wonderland

My fav, tho, is Christmas At The Zoo - Flaming Lips

[XNASA]

23. Complete Lyrics (Too Funny)

"Lacey things, the wife is missing.
Didn't ask, for her permission
I'm wearing her clothes,
her silk panty hose.
Walking around in women's underwear.

In the store, there's a teddy.
With little straps, like spagetti.
It holds me so tight,
like handcuffs at night.
Walking around in womens underwear

In the office there's a guy named Melvin.
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say "Are you ready?"
I'll say, "Woah man! Lets wait untill the wife is out of town."
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress, like Madonna.
Put on some eye shade, and join the parade.
Walking around in women's underwear.

[NightTrain]

25. Barnes & Barnes, "I Had Sex With Santa Claus"

Sample lyrics:

I had sex with Santa Claus,
last year on Christmas Day.
I had sex with Santa Claus,
We did it in his sleigh.

I had sex with Santa Claus,
he called me a good boy.
I had sex with Santa Claus,
then he gave me a toy.

[Faygo Kid]

26. "I Yust Go Nuts At Christmas" - Yorgi Yorgesson

Forgive this person of Swedish/Norwegian dissent:
"I bought a nightgown for my vife, a black one trimmed in red. I didn't know her size and so, she gets a carpet sveeper instead."
Classic. Absolutely classic.

[shrike]

27. "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas"

Only heard it twice, don't know who does it.

[mac56]

28. The Three Stooges.

Late in their career. Moe, Larry, and Joe DeRita.

[VelmaD]

29. It's by Gayle Peavy

My best friend LOVES that song. Tortures me with it every year at xmas. :-)

[NightTrain]

31. "Gayla Peevey," actually

:hi:

[VelmaD]

33. I stand corrected...

I can't believe there was someone else on this board that knew her name at all. Wow. :yourock:

[Whitacre D_WI]

30. "Open Me First"

by Tammy Why Not?

[11 Bravo]

32. Years ago I heard a song called ...

Mommy Just Gave Santa Claus a Blow Job (sung to the tune of Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer). I believe it was by Root Boy Slim and the Sex Change Band, but it has been a long time.

[Loonman]

34. Kip Adotta - I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus

I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus

I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus
underneath the mistletoe last night.
He didn't see me creep
down the stairs to have a peep.
He thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep.

Then I saw Daddy tickle Santa Claus
underneath his beard so snowy white.
There must be some mistake.
Was I really awake?
I rubbed my eyes and moved in close, a better look to take.

Then, I saw Daddy hugging Santa Claus.
He took his hand and pulled him to the couch.
It must have been just fine.
Santa didn't seem to mind.
Then Daddy moved across the room to pour them both some wine.

Then, I saw Daddy fondle Santa Claus,
And on his ear he nibbled now and then.
I crawled across the floor.
I hid behind the door.
I left it open just a crack so I could watch some more.

Then I saw Daddy undress Santa Claus.
They quickly threw their clothes on our big chair.
Well, much to my surprise,
I couldn't believe my eyes!
It wasn't Santa after all but Mommy in disguise,

But I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus
underneath the mistletoe last night.
Oh what I laugh it would have been,
If I had really seen,
Daddy kissing Santa Claus last night!




© Kip Adotta

[The Zanti Regent]

35. Tiny Tim's "SANTA CLAUS HAS GOT THE AIDS THIS YEAR"

Howard Stern used to play this all the time

[Red State Rebel]

36. Porky Pig "I'l Have A Bbbbbbblue CCCCChristmas"

Absolutely hilarious...it's an amature recording of a guy playing the guitar and singing and in the background you can hear his buddy absolutely cracking up.