Christmas gifts- how do you stop the madness? HELP!

[Wcross]

This is the deal. I have two siblings and we all meet for Thanksgiving at my parents house. My sister in law is really into the holiday gift giving. My sister and her husband go along with it and my parents do as well. There are no young children involved and we are all in our 40's. My parents never exchanged gifts with their siblings at this age.
Last year I mentioned that I didn't really want to participate and you would have thought I said George Bush is a good president! It caused quite a bit of ruffled feathers. I finally caved in and bought some "gifts". But I insisted on a 15 dollar limit for me. I said I wouldn't accept any gift over that.
Well here it comes again. What should I do?
I still have the "gifts" I received last year in the bag I brought them home in. Nothing I was given was something I needed or even wanted. I am sure my gifts were just as useful and needed as those I received. There are 8 people involved and thats 120 dollars just pissed away in my opinion.
I also might add that I am having to drive 1600 miles round trip to be there. I also have to kennel my six dogs for six days. I would much rather use that 120 to have my dogs nails clipped than anything else.
In other words, how do I get my siblings to "grow up" and just enjoy each others company? Why do some people love to add to the "joys" of the holiday by making others go out and try to find a "thoughtful" gift.
BTW, I am a 42 year old male and really hate to shop. It is about as fun as washing dishes to me. My sister in law loves to shop.

Should I just show up empty handed this year? I really hate this time of year due to the pressure of the gifting. It makes an otherwise enjoyable season miserable for me.

[Patiod]

1. Gift cards?

Don't fight it - you're not going to win. Women are in charge of the traditions. And women have this weird belief that taking the time to buy them a meaningful/thoughtful gift indicates that you think about them and know them well enough to know what they would like.

What about a restaurant gift card for $30 for each couple? Or cards from Barnes & Noble? All of which can be obtained painlessly online.

[China_cat]

3. women have this weird belief ...

Bullshit. Most of us would rather not have the pressure. We do it because we feel it's expected of us.

Best bet? Stay home and use the $120 to get the dogs' nails clipped. Driving that far with the price of gas the way it is is a really good excuse for staying home.

[Wcross]

4. I don't think its a woman thing.

My sister in law, whom I like very much, is just a "consumer" at heart. She is like a hunter going after big game at the mall. Its her life so I don't have any opinion about that. Forcing me to do likewise is what I don't like.
I would skip it but my parents aren't getting any younger and I couldn't live with myself if I skipped out on it and they passed on before I saw them again.
Damned if you do and damned if you don't?

[Patiod]

5. I love giving gifts

I handpaint Christmas ornaments and make jewelry, so the recipients have an "out" for not buying me anything ("Oh, it's home-made, so I don't have to reciprocate").

My friends are better off than I am, and generous about hosting meals, lending their beach house, inviting me to events when their company gives them tickets, etc. It's a way I can show my appreciation.

[China_cat]

9. Pretty much so (your last line)

But maybe you can still use the expense of coming as an excuse for not buying anything.

We stopped years ago. Since we both have birthdays so close to the holiday, we just get those gifts and let the day go by unmarked. I have a new daughter-in-law who has a real problem with the fact that we don't send gifts, we don't send cards, we don't call, we don't mark it as any kind of a different day. (Too bad. My son has to live with her, I don't.)

Have you thought about skipping the holiday and maybe going 2 weeks later, when the pressure for gifts wouldn't be as high?

[nini]

8. Women?

uh huh :eyes:


boy.. is it 1956 again?

[SOteric]

2. You can't stop people from giving you useless gifts, sadly,

but you can certainly discourage this kind of thing by your participation.

Recommend that you draw names from a hat and do Secret Santas so everyone's really only on the hook for 1 'thoughtful gift,' as opposed to 8 pieces of crap.

If that doesn't work, this year give the least expensive gifts you can give. If it's the thought that counts, show what you think of the tradition. Give them each a couple of lotto scratch tickets, or a bag of homemade cookies or something. Take their gifts to the local charity thrift shop when you get home. If they ask about them, don't hedge. Let them know what you've done. After a few Christmases they'll get the message that you're not interested in this particular tradition and they'll either abandon it or compromise.

[NV Whino]

6. Donate to a cause in their name

I started that a couple of years ago. Now I just donate and don't bother "in their name." Enclose a note that says something like: At this stage of our lives I know we don't need a lot of stuff. With that in mind, I have taken what I would spend on "stuff" and donated to a cause in your name. Happy Holidays!


Another alternative is to draw names. Each person gives and receives one gift. Friends of mine with a large extended family do this and it works well.

[nini]

7. Tell them you will give toys to a charity in their honor

That's what we started doing and we all feel much better about the holiday. Go to a store and buy toys and clothes for kids and bring them to an organization that will get them to those who need them. You don't have to worry about how thoughtful it is because anything and everything is needed and appreciated.

If they have a problem with that then they're not getting what it's all about.

[DJ MEW]

10. The majority of my family is like that too

I am 24 and I have aunts and uncles that are twice my age that still believe you have to give and get gifts.

Last year I bought everyone a small cookbook that was being sold by a local radio station to raise money for Loaves and Fishes food bank.

This year two seperate people have actually requested as their "gift" that a donation to Loaves and Fishes be given in their name.