More casualties from the front line of The War On Christmas...

[MiniMandaRuth]

Half way through decorating my tree... Hmm... Let's recount, shall we?

Spent 15 minuets swearing trying to untangle a VERY valuable garland (It's an antique from, like, the fifties or forties). Ended up half way done, and with a sore neck. Swore a little more. Enter water break.

Water break done. Started getting out Christmas ornaments. Tried to put star up first. Almost fell off chair. Swore some more. Put star on top of tree only to have it fall off and nearly whack cat in head. Get hot glue gun. Glue star to tree. Watch proudly as it beings to sag. Pray to Teh Holy Jebus that it will stay on.

Unpack more ornaments. Put on first ornament. Ornament falls off. Swearing causes avalanche of boxes which leads to broken ornament glass on the floor. Enter MORE swearing, bleeding foot, howling cat, and vacuuming. Tell self that they were simply blue balls. Try not to remember that old SNL skit from WAY back in the day.

Ornament shards cleaned up. Enter fury. Get on computer and find spiffy background. Try to load spiffy background. Spiffy background does not load. More swearing. Finally get spiffy background to load.

Get back to tree. 1 hour of bliss listening to Charlie Brown Christmas music, and a few other CDs. Sing loudly more than once. BATHROOM BREAK! After that, more decorating. Nearly loose five more ornaments.

Put up spiffy gold angel near top of tree. Try to avoid getting hit by star. Fall off chair. Hit other chair in the back of the head. Lay there for ten minuets crying and swearing. Go to bathroom to take aspirin. Check cranium. Have bump the size of my fist on back of head. Walk out of bathroom.

Trip over cat, swear, nearly hit head again. Slide on carpet down to end of hall. Nearly kill self.

Try hand again at unraveling garland. Can't do it. Swear.

Try more ornaments. Successful! Enter happy dance.

Watch as said happy dance causes cat to scatter by tree, which rattles star. Cringe as it nearly falls off. Get back up on chair and right star. Have now named it 'Sparkly Fake Ruby Macys Star Of Doom'

So that leads me to here...

And I'm only half way through...

Good. God.







Pity me.

[Rising Phoenix]

1. Laughing my ass off...

:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: Merry Christmas!

[MiniMandaRuth]

2. Oh yeah... You're laughing,

I just got tangled in some lights. Nearly electrocuted my self...

Tried to unravel the cord from itself. So, I loosely wrapped it around my wrist... Well... Uh, I couldn't get it off, so I ended up having to take it off around my neck. Nearly strangled myself.

[El Fuego]

3. Keep fighting the good fight!

And....Happy Holidays!

[MiniMandaRuth]

4. You... You hate America...

;)



















(Happy Kwanzaa)

[NMMNG]

5. Makes me glad we decided not to put our tree up this year

:scared:

[politicat]

6. Oh, chick, this is going in the War on Christmas hall o' fame.

You must set this to music, a la "Alice's Restaurant Massacree."

You have a talent for comic writing - keep it up!

[MiniMandaRuth]

8. Thanks. That's what everybody says.

I wrote a bunch of infamous stories that the whole school used to rebel against our censorship rules. They were full of it: Swears, drugs, implied 'Whoohoo' and the whole lot. of course, it was all in script writing so it never got TOO graphic, but even little six graders know about 'The Stories'.

Those were the days... ahh...

[mykpart]

7. If you don't put up a Christmas tree,

does it mean you hate America? Or that you're helping the terrorists?

[ghostsofgiants]

9. Depends on what kind of fundamentalist you talk to...

The really hardcore ones hate trees because of pagan symbolism and buying into non-Christian ideas of what Christmas is. The more common ones insist you put one up and call it a Christmas tree, because that's what it fucking is, hippie.