If you find an Atheist in your neighborhood,

[trof]

TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!

You may be moved to try and witness to
these poor lost souls yourself, however
AVOID TALKING TO THEM!

Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter and will lash out at children or they may even try to trick you into neglecting God's Word.

Very advanced witnessing techniques are needed for these grouches. Let the adults handle them.

http://objective.jesussave.us/kidz.html

:eyes:

[ScreamingMeemie]

1. I have one in my neighborhood...and she is my best friend in the

whole wide world. More giving and kind than a lot of people who sat in church next to me on Sundays when I was a child. I'd trust her with my life...she's a poster here on DU as well. ;)

[creativelcro]

2. most people go to church to gossip

pretty well known...

[Ernesto]

25. So do I

We have found the enemy and it is ME! HA!

[matcom]

3. HAHAHHAAHA I EAT CHILDREN

:D

don't bring your children over to THIS Atheists house! i just LOVE them served with a little garlic butter! :P

[adamblast]

5. Damn...

I knew I was grumpy and bitter, but never new why before!! Thank you Jesus kidz!!

[Jerseycoa]

28. Been meaning to tell you

I just love those heinies. :loveya:

[theivoryqueen]

4. great!! brainwash kids into believing rational thought equals

grumpiness. I am an ecstatic, happy, fun-lovin' god-free zone. And kids love me for lots of reasons, including my large firework, glitter and spray-paint collection... Especially "religeo"-kids as they are pretty much bored as hell by their parents attempts at repression.

[King Coal]

6. Most atheists are better behaved than Falwellians.

If you haven't read The Da Vinci Code, consider doing so.

[trof]

9. fascinating

Got it for my b'day and read it a month ago.

[Endangered Specie]

Remember, little kids

That they are inferior to you, after all, you are God's children. You are the choosen one. Onward Christian Soldier!

Same old Im superior/the choosen race, you are not

Ask a Jew if this sounds familiar.

:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:

[Endangered Specie]

7. Remember, little kids

That they are inferior to you, after all, you are God's children. You are the choosen one. Onward Christian Soldier!

Same old Im superior/the choosen race, you are not

Ask a Jew if this sounds familiar.

:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:

[northernsoul]

8. please tell me this whole site is a gag

please, these people can't possibly be serious, can they?

:scared:

[BurtWorm]

11. Psssst.

It is a gag. Don't tell anyone! They did a great deadpan parody of a creation science fair a few months ago. It's very subtle stuff, but whoever wrote Dr. Giraffesnstein's quiz let down their guard a little. It's hilarious.

[trof]

15. OK, they got me.

<blush>

[BurtWorm]

17. They got me once too.

On that creation science fair.

I'll bet there is a page devoted to real letters from real people though. And those are also probably pretty hilarious.

PS: Here's their parody on theological hair-splitting:


http://objective.jesussave.us/pastorscorner.html

New Campaign Against Triclavianism


I am delighted to see that my previous entry has brought much needed attention to the issue of triclavianism in today's Church. A successful start to my new "Pastor's Corner!" I would like to revisit this topic, both to answer some critics and to introduce a new campaign aimed at curbing triclavianism.

Some have criticized my stance on triclavianism as being counterproductive, arguing that making a point of doctrinal contention over not making a point of doctrinal contention over adiaphora is itself non-salvific. However, my critics are overlooking the dangers of triclavianistic doctrines: allowing adiaphora to creep into our credenda -- while possibly pushing the theologoumenic envelope and providing exciting new opportunities for supererogative works -- will most often serve to muddy the soteriological foundation of Faith, leading in general to ultramontane excesses and, in extreme cases, ebaptization (which is unacceptable pastoral malpractice, however rare it may be.) Doctrinal integrity, and hence salvific effectiveness, is best served by working to end triclavianism and similar erroneous, or simply adiaphoric, doctrines....

[wysimdnwyg]

24. From Dr. Giraffenstein's quiz:

Q: My friend Bomby the bombardier beetle can shoot boiling-hot toxic chemicals out of his butt. Why?

A: God gave your friend that ability for defense against evil and as a testament against the false doctrine of Evolutionism!


:tinfoilhat:

[trof]

12. as serious as cancer

and more's the pity.
Click on the illustrations and read some of their comments/answers.
Unbelievable.

[BurtWorm]

13. trof...

it's a parody. Spend a little time there and you realize it. It's a hoax!

PS: Would anyone but a hoaxer come up this flag design?:

[trof]

19. My face is red.

It was in Mark Morford's column this morning. Apparently he bit too.
I am chagrined.
:-(

[BurtWorm]

20. Here's something to cheer you up, from their store

The Ruby Matrimony thong:




This uncomfortable undergarment will be a daily reminder to unmarried women to find a husband and a emergency moral reminder to her would-be-suitor. (For use under traditional underwear only.)

[BiggJawn]

26. Whoa! That'd knock the lead out of your pencil for SURE!

"Oh, yassssss.....almost there, just roll this lil' thong down and dive...WTF???? 'Will you be my HUSBAND'????? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Lemme out of here! Good bye! I'll call you...I have to take some books back to the library...In Ho Chi Minn City, boy, are THEY overdue!"

[politicat]

23. Yes. Cousins of mine. They wear something very similar on their uniforms.

It's a boys' org like BSA but to the right of Attila the Hun.

Politicat (who is the friendly neighborhood atheist that all of the little kiddies come to talk to when they need a pushover to finance some school thing or have a lost pet or need advice.)

[YellowRubberDuckie]

27. I've seen that before...

I believe it was on a freeper site somewhere...Maybe it was in my hometown...I don't remember, but I've seen it.
Duckie

[Loonman]

10. .

.

[Loonman]

14. This is too funny

Malls Of The Damned

Typical shopping mall filled with hypnotic Santamas decorations.



"Darth Maul": Commercialized symbol of evil whose name sounds like "mall". Coincidence?
If Secular Consumerism is the new false religion, then its temple is the Shopping Mall. This is where those deluded into Secular Consumerism go and unwittingly take part in anti-Christian activities; this is where the Santamas propaganda and indoctrination are distributed; this is where the moral foundation of our society is being attacked; and this is where we as Christians must go to battle for the souls of the unsaved against the forces of Secularism.

"But surely malls are just places of commerce, not deliberate attempts to lead people away from Christ," you may be thinking to yourself. Unfortunately the facts point to the malls' knowing complicity with the cause of anti-Christian Secularism. Besides the complete lack of Christian references in their so-called Christmas displays and decorations (just try and find a Cross or depiction of the Baby Jesus amongst all the Santas and snowmen and shiny balls), more subtle subconscious suggestions of Secularism's anti-Christian stance can be found by studying the names of common mall stores:

J.C. Penny - The J.C. makes us think of Jesus Christ, thus associating our Lord with the lowest monetary value, the penny (even Judas valued Him at 30 pieces of silver!).
Sears - What the flesh of the damned does in Hell. It also sounds like "seers", Pagan mystics who engaged in occult premonitions.
Cinnabon - Sounds like "Sin Upon".
Orange Julius - Named for the Pagan Emperor of Rome. This company's mascot was once a devil, until they changed it to hide their true intentions.
Hot Topic - A recent store aimed at children that openly sells devil paraphernalia. Any guess as to why "hot" is in their name?
Hallmark Gold Crown Stores - Purveyors of Santamas tree ornaments depicting anthropomorphized woodland creatures (reference to Evolutionism) and Harry Potter merchandise. What notable person will have a mark and wear crowns?
Clearly there are ulterior motives evident. Even the word "mall" evokes evilness being a homonym for "maul" - the violent rending of flesh - and "mal" - Latin for "bad" and root for words like "malicious" and "malevolent". These Malls of the Damned - open even on Sunday! - are no innocent business centers, but active parties in the conspiracy to promote Secularism.

As you can see, malls are wastelands of Secularism and anti-Christian propaganda, and those that are driven there by the lies of Secular Consumerism need help to find their way back to the path of Salvation. As Christians, it is our duty and pleasure to help them. That is why we must become Mall Missionaries.

[RebelOne]

16. My Gosh!! Is that why I am so grumpy all the time.

As far as I know, I'm the only atheist in my neighborhood.

[Kolesar]

18. Is it just me, or does Mr. Gruff look like a Yak? eom

[amandae]

21. I started to break out in a cold sweat!

Until I realized it isn't real ... although I know there actually are people who think that way. I can't tell you how many times my athiest husband has been "blessed" by religious folk who are convinced he worships the devil (gotta worship someone, right?) or is going to hell.

Good ol' KC ... a church on every corner.

[cmf]

22. I am relieved that this is parody

This stuff is so incredibly offensive (and incredibly funny) , I would be quite afraid if it was serious.

"Hey Habu, how many gods do you have?"
"I don't know... I lost count!"

[TXlib]

29. Parody or not, there are many conservative Baptists who agree with it!

[dwckabal]

30. This is the best!!

http://objective.jesussave.us/pastorscorner.html

[Lizz612]

31. Wow! They're good!

I mean as a parody site, they've even got a page thats anti-Landover Baptist!! Wow!