Tell me what your favorite Tom Waits ramble is....

[ronzo]

...

[kayleybeth]

1. The Piano has been drinking

hands down.

[ronzo]

3. ...not me.

you're good.

[pa28]

2. Putnam County

Yeah that's America

[Tinoire]

4. Unfair! Too many of them

Hell, she's been married so many times, she's got rice marks on her face. Hehe.


I Can't Wait To Get Off Work To See My Baby

Jockey Full of Bourbon

Cold Cold Ground

Ice Cream Man

Bue Valentine

Invitation to the Blues


Damn... The mere thought of Tom Waits makes me want to NOT go to bed tonight, put some old vinyls on the turn-table (yeah, yeah, I got them all in CD too but something about vinyl) and sit in the semi-dark smoking and thinking.

Classic.

[kayleybeth]

5. One of the funniest and saddest song lines ever:

"I paid fifteen dollars for a prostitute with too much makeup and a broken shoe."

"Saving all my love for you"
Tom Waits
Heart Attack and Vine 1980

[WhoCountsTheVotes]

15. too early for the circus, too late for the bars

It's too early for the circus,
It's too late for the bars,
no one's sleepin' but the paperboys,
and no one in this town is makin' any noise,
but the dogs and the milkmen and me.


The girls around here all look like cadillacs,
no one likes a stranger here,
I'd come home but i'm afraid
that you won't take me back,
but i'd trade off everything just to have you near.

I know i'm irresponsible and i don't behave,
and i ruin everything that i do
and i'll probably get arrested when i'm in my grave,
but i'll be savin' all my love for you.

I paid fifteen dollars for a prostitute,
with too much makeup and a broken shoe,
but her eyes were just a counterfeit,
she tried to gyp me out of it,
but you know that i'm still in love you.

Don't listen to the rumors that you hear about me,
cause i ain't as bad as they make me out to be,
well i may lose my mind but baby can't you see,
that i'll be savin' all my love for you.

[Dogmudgeon]

6. Not a ramble, but a quip

"Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak!"

It's in Step Right Up, just after "... cures the Heartbreak of Psoriasis!"

"What's He Doing Down There?" (I think that's the name of it) is a wierd-ass ramble, too.

--bkl

[kayleybeth]

7. Step right up!

it chops, it dices, it slices
lasts a lifetime, it mows your lawn
it picks up the kids from school
it gets rid of unwanted facial hair
it gets rid of embarassing age spots
it delivers the pizza
and it lengthens
and it strengthens
and it finds that slipper that's been lodged under the chaise lounge for several weeks
it makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
and it's only a dollar!

[Dogmudgeon]

8. You got it, buddy

Step Right Up, Step Right Up, Step Right Up
You got it, buddy: the Large Print giveth, and the Small Print taketh away

--bkl
It's a friend, and it's a companion,
And it's the only product you will ever need

[kayleybeth]

9. Gotta love Tom :-)

it disinfects
it's sanitized for your protection
it gives you an erection
it wins the election
why put up with painful corns any longer
it's a redeemable coupon
no obligation
no salesman will visit your home!

btw that other song you were referencing is called "What's he building in there?".

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

10. Anyone who was in the Navy will like Singapore...

We sail tonight for Singapore, we're all as mad as hatters here
I've fallen for a tawny Moor, took off to the land of Nod
Drank with all the Chinamen, walked the sewers of Paris
I danced along a colored wind, dangled from a rope of sand
You must say goodbye to me

We sail tonight for Singapore, don't fall asleep while you're ashore
Cross your heart and hope to die when you hear the children cry
Let marrow bone and cleaver choose while making feet for children shoes
Through the alley, back from hell, when you hear that steeple bell
You must say goodbye to me

Wipe him down with gasoline 'til his arms are hard and mean
From now on boys this iron boat's your home
So heave away, boys

We sail tonight for Singapore, take your blankets from the floor
Wash your mouth out by the door, the whole town's made of iron ore
Every witness turns to steam, they all become Italian dreams
Fill your pockets up with earth, get yourself a dollar's worth
Away boys, away boys, heave away

The captain is a one-armed dwarf, he's throwing dice along the wharf
In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king, so take this ring

We sail tonight for Singapore, we're all as mad as hatters here
I've fallen for a tawny Moor, took off to the land of Nod
Drank with all the Chinamen, walked the sewers of Paris
I drank along a colored wind, I dangled from a rope of sand
You must say goodbye to me

[Spider Jerusalem]

11. Damn. So many to choose from.

"Frank's Wild Years", I think. (runners-up: "What's He Building In There?", "Ninth and Hennepin", "Step Right Up", "Pasties and a G-String", many others...)

Well, Frank settled down out in the Valley, and he hung his wild years on a nail that he drove through his wife's forehead. His wife was a spent piece of used jet-trash; made a good Bloody Mary, kept her mouth shut most of the time, and had a little Chihuahua named Carlos that had some sort of skin disease and was totally blind. Frank assumed a 15-year loan at three and a quarter percent, put a down payment on a little two-bedroom place. They were so happy...they had a thoroughly modern kitchen, self-cleaning oven, the whole bit.

One night, on the way home from work, Frank stopped off at a liquor store, got a couple of Mickey's Big Mouths in the can and drank 'em in the car on the way to the Shell station. Got a gallon of gas in a can, went home, doused everything in the house, torched it, and parked across the street laughing, watching it burn, all Halloween orange and chimney red...then, Frank put on a Top Forty station, got on the Hollywood Freeway, and headed north.

Never could stand that dog.

(From memory, so apologies if there are any mistakes.)

[Red_Storm]

12. mine would be ...............

Soldier's Things.......sublime rambling.......

[peekaloo]

13. Jack & Neal/California, Here I Come

--------------
jack was sittin poker faced with bullets backed with bitches
neal hunched at the wheel puttin everyone in stiches
braggin bout this nurse he screwed while drivin through nebraska
and when she came she honked the horn and neal just barely missed a
truck and then he asked her if she'd like to come like that to californy
see a red head in a uniform will always get you horny
with her hairnet and those white shoes and a name tag and a hat
she drove like andy granatelli and knew how to fix a flat
and jack was almost at the bottom of his md 2020 neal was yellin
out the window tryin to buy some bennies from a lincoln
full of mexicans whose left rear tire blowed and the sonsobitches
prit near almost ran off the road
-----------------

[Bridget Burke]

14. 9th & Hennepin

"Well it's 9th and Hennepin
All the donuts have names that sound like prostitutes
And the moon's teeth marks are on the sky
Like a tarp thrown all over this
And the broken umbrellas like dead birds
And the steam comes out of the grill
Like the whole goddam town is ready to blow
And the bricks are all scarred with jailhouse tattoos
And everyone is behaving like dogs

"And the horses are coming down violin road
And dutch is dead on his feet
And all the rooms they smell like diesel
And you take on the dreams of the ones who have slept there
And i'm lost in the window
And i hide in the stairway
And i hang in the curtain
And i sleep in your hat

"And no one brings anything small into a bar around here
They all started out with bad directions
And the girl behind the counter has a tattooed tear
One for every year he's away she said
Such a crumbling beauty
Ah, there's nothing wrong with her a hundred dollars won't fix
She has that razor sadness that only gets worse
With the clang and the thunder of the southern pacific going by
And the clock ticks out like a dripping faucet
Till you're full of rag water and bitters and blue ruin
And you spill out over the side to anyone who'll listen

"I've seen it all
I've seen it all through the yellow windows of the evening train"


(from "Rain Dogs")

[bif]

16. I'm so horney, the crack of dawn better watch out

My favorite TW line.