Question for the Lounge

[La Lioness Priyanka]

If you have a friend whom you dont find attractive (just not your cuppa tea)...but s/he is experiencing self esteem issues regarding his/her attractiveness...basically feeling old/ugly/undesired...


What do you say?

[WCGreen]

1. Why don't you try a makeover, honey.....

You know, like on TV...

That's what I would say...

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. meh....

i was really asking if lying under these conditions is a friendship obligation

[hfojvt]

5. what is lying anyway?

Just because I do not find a person attractive does not mean that the rest of my species or sex will agree with me.
Lying is not an obligation, but it is possible to find something nice or something helpful to say.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. i agree.

[hfojvt]

3. I just talk about me

It's my favorite subject anyway, and since I am old/ugly/undesired I can certainly relate to this person. Except they seem to be one-up on me - they have a friend. Probably have two working legs too, but I should catch up to that in a couple weeks.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

4. if it wasnt clear...i dont think s/he is old/ugly/undesirable

that was his/her opinion on the matter

[hfojvt]

11. then why would you need to lie about that?

In one sense anybody over age 30 is old in the sense of "no longer young" and there's usually a bunch of young whippersnappers running around reminding you of this. We are all ten years older than we were a decade ago.

[AlCzervik]

7. thats an inside out problem. I guess just being there and trying to

get them to focus on their positive attributes--ie, great sense of humor, intelligence, awesome ability to pick friends:D People are so hard on themselves.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

8. yeah...its just that i cant provide validation for their appearance

in the way they would like/need....

[In_The_Wind]

9. Tell them:

They are perfect as they are if you can but don't ever lie to a friend.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

10. thanks joan

i value your advice

[bigwillq]

12. Just because you don't find them attractive

doesn't mean that they don't have attractive qualities about them.
Try and find the most attractive feature and talk it up. It doens't have to be a physical trait, it could be their personality or the way they tell a story--something like that.

But if this person is a real close friend, there's no reason why you can't be honest. If they're in need of a makeover, there's no shame in telling them that.

Good luck with this situation. :hi:

[OhioBlue]

13. I have met people that I thought were unattractive

but after I got to know them, they seemed more attractive to me.. or at least didn't seem unattractive. I guess if they are your friend there is always some attribute that you find attractive in them that you could highlight.