Contest: Best Election Fraud Jokes

[BeFree]

The winner will get to know that he or she helped to carry the story to the masses. It is also possible that you will hear your joke broadcast on the Daily Show, Letterman, et al.

So c'mon people. Put together some zinger one-liners that will help change the course of the * family's history.

[In_The_Wind]

1. I'm going to bring my coffee and read a bit!

I can't believe that no one in the Lounge has shared a good one yet.

[BeFree]

2. I know...

...there is not much humor to be found in election fraud, but surely someone here can think up some kinda joke?

[Squeech]

3. How many Diebold programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

<pulls down window shades>

How many do you want it to take?

(I've been thinking about it all day; that's the best I can do.)

[BeFree]

5. We're on a roll!

Thanks Squeech.

[stellanoir]

4. well the worst ones would be

A) that * is a legitimately elected leader having both a mandate and political capital.

B) that we're still a democracy

It's not funny but it was so much easier to be funny about sex and the truth which were so often mutually exclusive terms in large swaths of our nation back in '99 versus being funny about the decimation of our nation and issues of war & peace.

Maybe a parody of that Repuke Alexandra Pelosi got on tape in the summer of '04 on the WH lawn who was loaded and saying something to the effect of "we've already won. we count the votes."

Ok I guess that doesn't require further parody-ing. Not funny either.

Okay then I'll resort to a tried and true format. . .

So-o-o . . .this registered voter walks into a bar. . .makes about as much difference as if they had walked into a polling place.

[BeFree]

6. That's two

Hey, I didn't expect this to be easy. Heck, if it was I might be able to come up with one or two. That's why I am reaching out to my kind DU folks for some laughs. I am so tired of being sad about the whole thing... we all need some grins and giggles, eh?

[stellanoir]

9. I posted a while ago on a related matter

about having spaced out at the drive through at the local bank during a transaction and finding my eyes fixate on the logo for Diebold and I came home and started a thread about putting a piece of masking tape under the logo with the words "steals elections."

All the places have surveillance cameras so you'd have to be really stealthful but it would not qualify as property damage if you put it on the tape.

[Oeditpus Rex]

7. I can't think of a punch line

Help me out, gang.

Guy walks into a bar, orders a Dewar's rocks. Bartender brings him a light beer.

"This isn't what I ordered," the guy says. Bartender apologizes, takes away the beer and brings him another one.

"No, I ordered a Dewar's rocks," the guy says, starting to get angry. Bartender apologizes, brings him another light beer.

"Look," the guy says. "I want a Dewar's rocks, not a beer. Why can't you just make the drink I want?"

(Insert punch line here.)

[In_The_Wind]

12. ta da

The bartender answers: Look at it this way ~ I'm doing my job as well as you are doing yours.

[Oeditpus Rex]

13. Y'gotta get Diebold in there

I was thinking maybe it'd work as a cartoon, with the last image of a sign over the bar that says "We proudly serve Diebold Ale."

[In_The_Wind]

14. D'oh

*blondness showing again*
never mind




:think: but you got to get your punch line in there

[Katherine Brengle]

8. Diebold fax... kind of lame, warning!

7:15 am, one news anchor: "Okay folk, now we know the polls just opened, but we have a pretty solid prediction for you."

Co-anchor: "How is that even possible?"

Other: "Diebold faxed it over last night."

Lame, lame, lame... but I tried, lol.

[BeFree]

10. Not Lame

That's a good one. They faxed it over last night! I can see that happening. Thanks!

[BeFree]

11. Yall need to check out this Diebold parody site

http://homepage.mac.com/rcareaga/diebold/adworks.htm

Big page of Dieblod graphics that some kind soul has webbed up. It made me smile, and kinda led to this thread.

[BeFree]

15. Hey, i'm not giving up. so give it up!

Make some more jokes about e-voting, yall. America is waiting!

[BeFree]

16. Here's one:

Your vote isn't worth the paper its printed on.

Oh wait, it ain't even printed on paper. Its worth even less. Even though it costs more now, than ever.