Arrived In My Email Today: "Politically Corrected Expressions"

[arwalden]

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be Referred to as "HILLBILLIES." -- You must now refer to us as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore ....

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" ~ He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" ~ He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" ~ He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" ~ He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" ~ He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" ~ He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" ~ He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" ~ He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" ~ He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" ~ He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants ~ It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."



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Hey... don't blame me folks... I didn't write it,
I just lauged at it and I'm passing on.
~Allen
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[johnnie]

1. Actually, that has some funny one

Swine empathy..LOL

[Strong Atheist]

2. Ruh oh,

:popcorn:

[Pool Hall Ace]

3. So it's more politically correct to call a man "overly caucasian"

than a bad dancer? Hmmm.

I thought the proper term for a butt crack on display was a Deer Isle Smile.

[DrGonzoLives]

4. Vertical Smile

n/t