Canadians: Post jokes here that our American buddies won't get

[ironflange]

Q: What do you call a wooden vibrator?

A: Beaver Lumber.

[unblock]

1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

wait, i don't get it....

[Drifter]

2. That is good ...

I don't get it either.

Cheers
Drifter

Are you going to post a key for us stupid Americans.

[Skittles]

3. you f***ing Canadians

crack me up :7

I.......er.......I don't get it either. :O

[TXlib]

8. SKITTLES, KICK THEIR ASSES!!!

[asjr]

4. joke

I get it and it is funny!

[terrya]

5. I THINK I get it.

But I'm not sure. :-)

[Rabrrrrrr]

6. It's so cute when you guys try to speak English

and not your native Canadian, eh.

:evilgrin: :spank:

[TXlib]

7. What do you call an angry Canadian with shitty health care?

An American.

[geniph]

23. Ouch!

[Toronto Ron]

9. You are a Canadian If...

* You know what a toque is.

* You've defended your property from trespassers with a lacrosse stick because you don't own a gun.

* You fill in the missing u's from labor, honor, and color in your non-Canadian textbooks.

* The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.

* Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

* You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.

[UrbScotty]

26. OUCH!

That one hurt!

[Ellen Forradalom]

10. Where Americans and Canadians go when they die

When Americans die, they go to heaven. When Canadians die, they go to a panel discussion on heaven.

[UrbScotty]

27. Well, MOST Americans...

...Then there are Duh-bya, DeLay, and their friends.

[Hand]

11. What's the Canadian term for patriotism?

National Identity Crisis.

:7

[Hand]

12. How to become an instant Newfie...

Recite the following words quickly:

Whale
Oil
Beef
Hooked

Voila--yer a Newfie, b'y!

:+

[Jeff in Cincinnati]

13. LOL!

Funniest thing I've read in a long time! Now can I get health care?

[HEyHEY]

18. That is good!

[Blue-Jay]

33. Bwaaahahahahahaha!

I gotta remember that one.

[Zuni]

14. Thats it! I have had it with you canucks.

We begin bombing in 5 minutes.

[underpants]

17. LOL

Stupid Canadians up there all safe and sound all looking down their noses at US and flaunting their healthcare and stuff

:grr::homer::mad:

[HEyHEY]

15. How do you get a one armed newfie outta a tree?

Wave

[HEyHEY]

16. How does a Surrey Girl turn on the lights in the morning

Opens the car door

[underpants]

19. What is the most heated deabte in Candian homes?

Whether the Roughriders should go for it on third down.

[HEyHEY]

20. check out this site

http://www.webpresspro.com/funnyfarm/category/canadian_joke_page.htm

[northzax]

21. did you hear about the new, simplified Candaian tax form?

only tow lines:

1: how much money do you make? ________
2: Send it to us.

[northzax]

22. by the way-

have you ever noticed that every website with Canada jookes on it has jokes about americans, but no american-joke websites bother with Canada? interesting.

of course, you might also ask why Canadians only do it doggy style?

- that way they can both watch the hockey game...

[ironflange]

25. OK, I'll explain that first joke

Beaver Lumber was a building supply store that owned the market until Home Depot came to Canada. I think they still have Beaver stores in smaller centres. Anyway, if memory serves me, Molson's owned Beaver, but also bought a large stake in Home Depot, so when HD arrived, they shut down the Beavers. I think. I prefer Rona and Totem anyway.


On edit: Sorry, I meant to link this to the top post. Oh well.

[Paragon]

24. I'm not Canadian, but...

...dollars to donuts most of these jokes end with being "in the crease" or "through the 5 hole". :silly:

[UrbScotty]

28. David Letterman's Top 10 Canadian euphemisms for sex:

From August 29, 2002:

10. Playing mountie
9. Fur trapping
8. Making Peg whinny
7. Entering parliament
6. Pulling the goalie
5. Doin' it, eh?
4. Putting the "man" in Manitoba
3. High sticking
2. Stuffing a beaver -- the beaver is our national animal
1. Oh, Oh, Oh Canada

[TrogL]

29. I almost got fired at work

I was calmly sitting at my desk and then dissolved into hysterics, laughter, stomach cramps and gasping for air. When asked what was so damn funny, I was able to choke out "beaver lumber", which of course set me off for another half hour.

They told me go home and sleep it off.

[TrogL]

30. Q: How do you turn the furnace off?

A: It turns off?

[ironflange]

37. I like that one

[TrogL]

31. Canadian fashion statement

Buy a new parka.

[Hand]

32. Here's a really old Quebecois political joke...

How do you make Robert Bourassa die of thirst?

Give him two glasses of water!

Variant:
How do you make Robert Bourassa starve to death?

Hand him the menu!

B-) :7 :+

[Blue-Jay]

34. I remember one!

Wayne Gretzky is ...um...orally performing on his lovely wife. She looks down and says "Messy, eh?" He replies "No. It's me. Wayne"

[sistersofmercy]

36. Oh, now that one is naughty...

but I like it!:7

[alwynsw]

35. Not really a joke

but....when DID Dildo become a vacation destination instead of something in your luggage?