Sex and Conservative Theology

[Bobbieo]

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor
told them, "We have special requirements for new
parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole
month."

The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks,
returned to the Church.

When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife
is crying, and the husband is obviously very
depressed.

"You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the
pastor inquired.

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not
manage to abstain from sex for the required month,"
the young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult. However, we
managed to abstain through sheer willpower.

The second week was terrible, but with the use of
prayer, we managed to abstain.

However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold
showers, prayer, reading from the Bible...anything to
keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my
wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When
she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust
and had my way with her right then and there,"
admitted the man, shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in
our church," stated the pastor.

"We know." said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome at
Home Depot, either.”

[Rocknrule]

1. I get it!

:rofl:

[Bobbieo]

3. Thankz Rocknrule for Getting It

You have renewed my faith in the power of a good guffaw. I was having a real bad day 'til that one came along.

[neoblues]

2. Sounds like they screwed up that paint job.

Thex and the Conthervative Theology. Thimple. Thex is a thin. Abthinance is Godly thince God doethnt have thex. Right? Of courthe, motht Conthervativeth are Chrithtian they mutht not partake of the forbidden fruit except for in the purthuit of making babieth (in wedlock of courth).

The couple is better off anyway, sounds like a rather repressed church--then again, by some standards, most churches are repressive. Likewise religions are repressive, even if they may engender imagined feelings of being set free (perhaps freedom from fully appropriate and useful guilt?). Alas... that simply means that people of religion are more likely to both think in repressive ways and to accept repression more willingly. Repression by the state, while different, isn't that different... Repression by the state, if that state is a theocracy is all but assured. So many conservatives, especially evangelical or fundamentalist Christians seem to actually want more rules, repression and possibly even a theocracy by any other name.

I hope the sensible Christians out there see this and oppose it in a timely fashion and the rest of us (sensible or not, Christian or not) succeed in preventing these forces of oppression from gaining even greater control (consider the strength of these groups in the Congress, Supreme Court and even the Presidency--and don't forget all the Conservative federal judges other than the Supremes that have been appointed)(gulp).

[Katherine Brengle]

4. isn't it a joke?

[In_The_Wind]

5. I vote for Sex. Screw Conservative Theology!

:rofl::evilgrin:

[NMMNG]

6. There is no screwing in Conservative Theology, silly girl!

:P

[In_The_Wind]

7. See. I knew there was a valid reason I was staying away from Theologians.

:spray:



:hi:

[NMMNG]

8. I have many reasons I'm staying away from them

The primary one being that they are batsh*t crazy but can't be treated.

[Jamastiene]

9. Sounds like my same exact views on them too.

They are crazier than a shithouse rat and there is no cure, unfortunately.

[In_The_Wind]

10. I agree with your reason.

You've got a way cool smilie there Buffy! :thumbsup:

[NMMNG]

13. Thanks

It pretty much sums up my take on the world sometimes.

[Hardrada]

11. What would they think about that bra thread the other night?

Wait... some women are theologians these days (the more progressive theologians).

[In_The_Wind]

12. I can't honestly speak for how they would think about it. However ...

I doubt that they would have been amused.

[Hardrada]

14. I sent a book I wrote to a college prof of mine who is also

something of a Biblical scholar and he had no sense of humor about it at all. It was about a year at a seminary with all kinds of things happening. Maybe he was disturbed since some of the characters said "fuck" once in awhile. Who knows?
De gustibus non disputandum est.

[In_The_Wind]

15. WOW. Another writer hanging out on DU. I'm always amazed when I find celbs

among the folks who haven't accomplished anything special like me.

Life has changed. The words we use to depict scenarios must also change if they are to have any impact at all. Perhaps your professor needs to broaden his horizons. After all college is supposed to teach us to think for ourselves not follow rote memorization or the tried and true.

[Hardrada]

16. Think more highly of what you do here. You participate in

this microcosm of democracy, help raise spirits, help give people hope. Surely your views may keep people from thinking of the Iraq War as a worthy enterprise and in so doing you have ultimately saved lives. You have done these special things and these are the best things anyone can do.

For myself, I am a local historian mainly with only one or two efforts that have had some national interest (mainly cultural history). No great celeb but someone who loves history and interpreting it from a radical perspective. And I like to make people laugh when I get a chance. My little contribution to raising the morale of others and to lifting my own heart.