I'm sabotaging my own life here

[lizziegrace]

Help! I have such a fear of success (failure and I know each other intimately) that when faced with a chance to really succeed, I freeze.

Any advice would be appreciated. I've got to be more positive and optimistic and sure of my abilities...

Pathetic, I know.

Hugs? Advice?

Thanks!

[miss_american_pie]

1. Hugs always

:hug:

I suck at advice, sorry there.

[LSK]

2. dont think of the magnitude of what you are doing

Break it down into little tasks and just focus on doing them.

[lizziegrace]

8. Thanks for the reminder

I was finally diagnosed with adult ADD a few months ago. Organization, both physical and mental, is tough. I am so overwhelmed with packing and moving that a new job and the stress that brings is almost more than I can process.

[Heidi]

3. What is it that you _really_ fear, lizzie?

Think of the things you _really_ fear. Naming them helps, and makes them less frightening.

(No, it's _not_ pathetic. It's part of growing.)

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

6. Success

It's so foreign to me. And once you've succeeded, you must maintain. I know this must sound so irrational. My adult life has not been an easy one. If any bad thing could happen, it happened to me. I want to succeed but feel if I do, everyone will REALLY see my shortcomings.

Sorry, I know this probably sounds like I'm talking in circles...

I'm on the verge of getting a terrific job, high profile, with an organization I admire. I'm moving to a house in the country in 3 weeks. I think more than anything I'm overwhelmed. Too much stress. Too many opportunities to screw up.

Help...

[BlueIris]

4. You're not pathetic. Fears of success are very common.

I am still struggling with mine on and off because, well, yeah. I'm a woman, I was raised and educated by people who didn't want me to succeed, I'm an American and my parents didn't want me to be more successful than they were (a very American problem). It's hard, there are no easy ways to advance your confidence (well, I don't know...I've found some relatively easy ways, but that's me). I will PM you with some recommendations (cheap!) for books and essays that helped me.

[lizziegrace]

7. That would be appreciated!

I'm worthy of success. God knows I've worked hard enough and I'm smart enough. (I sound like that Stuart Smalley character!). I have few, if any, cheerleaders in my personal life. That's why I'm looking here for some support.

Thanks!

[BlueIris]

10. 'Kay, seriously? Stuart Smalley rocked.

I probably use some version of the Stuart Smalley mantra on average of five times daily. More when I'm having a "low self-esteem day." No joke, society wants to make all of us feel like Stuart Smalley.

I'm still scrounging for Amazon links you can use, but until then: "Failure is impossible," is another one of my daily affirmations.

[Ohio Joe]

5. I'm sorry, I don't know how to change that but...

I can throw some hugs and good thoughts your way
:hug: :hug: :hug:

Also, later when I have some time (i'm at work) I need to send you a PM update on our teacher friend.

[Strong Atheist]

9. You are hardly alone in that ... nt.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

11. It takes practice, lizzie

but have you ever tried Prozac?

[lizziegrace]

13. It's not depression

it's more a fear. I don't have a large support system here. It's just me and my daughter. Even a "you CAN do this" from someone goes a long way for me. There just isn't enough of that around me I think.

[SeattleGirl]

12. lizzie, I have a book to recommend

It has helped me in the past. It addresses the psychological transitions that come along with life changes/transitions. You might think about checking this out.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/073820904X/ref=pd_ys_pym_all_2/103-2594531-5884602?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=283155

[lizziegrace]

14. I appreciate the link

I'll check it out. Age, divorce, hormones, my daughter going to college, changing jobs, moving... It's a wonder I get out from under the covers every day!

:hi:

[SeattleGirl]

15. Oh my goodness, you DO have a full plate!

Sending good thoughts and energy your way, lizzie. :hug:

[InvisibleTouch]

16. Even positive changes can create a lot of stress.

New job, new house - that's scary and stressful, even if it's exciting and positive. Change is stressful, whether it's good or bad - that's just a fact.

I can kinda relate to your "fear of success," because I've dealt with it on and off in the last few years too. Perhaps you, like me, have spent so many years in a condition of hoping/wishing/dreaming for that which you'd like to achieve, that the condition of "wanting but not being allowed to have" has become familiar to you. It's frustrating and infuriating and depressing, but it's none the less familiar - and change is scary (we're back to that again). I have to watch myself in this regard too. What I try to do is remind myself of all the times I've wanted something, gone after it, and achieved it. It's not inevitable that I must always want and not be allowed to have. I just have to move forward toward my goal.

Another part of it may be that you're on the verge of great new things, and maybe you're not sure, on some level, whether you're worthy of them? I think that's a very common subconscious reaction that holds a lot of people back. Try to believe and tell yourself repeatedly that you are worthy of good things. Remind yourself of all the good things you've done in your life, all the lives you've positively touched (I don't know you, but I'm sure there must be many!), and you have a right to be happy as well, and to enjoy your achievements.

Good luck to you!