The Oscars could be a 5 minute brilliant show...short and relevant

[Rabrrrrrr]

Open with the theme song, camera zoom into the president of the academy at his desk who then reads off the list of the winners, then set Joan Rivers on fire, watch her burn for a minute, and go to the closing music and credits, and no show has to be bumped.

[skygazer]

1. Well, I like the part about Joan Rivers

The rest sounds boring - I'd have to use that time to get another beer out of the frig.

[Rabrrrrrr]

2. Okay, how about this - this way, everyone's entertained

We burn Joan Rivers in the office with the president, so that while he's reading, the people who don't give a shit can at least watching something entertaining; and those who do give a shit, get to hear the winners.

All the viewers win, and we've just shortened the damn thing by one minute and increased Joan's burn time on screen by two minutes.

[SoCalDem]

3. Is she still alive??

I must not watch the channel she infects:)

Your idea actually has some merits...

How about a show with just the winners...and them having more than 45 seconds so they could schmooze on camera showing outtakes and show clips of the movies to get people interested in going to see them :)

[DS1]

4. Be sure to have a good ventilation system

Plastic is noxious when on fire

[underpants]

5. Gonna have to work Salma Hayek in there somewhere

it's the rule

[edbermac]

6. Better idea, just show 5 minutes of cleavage...

:evilgrin:

[LynneSin]

7. WAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT

We must have at least 5-10 minutes of just this guy standing there on stage looking absolutely fabulous

[Rabrrrrrr]

8. Okay, here's the new solution --

We do the five minute reading of the winners/burning of the Joan Rivers; followed by fifteen minutes of a split screen, the left side being Salma masturbating slowly, perhaps with an Oscar statue, perhaps with a shower head; and the right side being George Clooney standing around looking dapper and gorgeous. Then the last 10 minutes natalie portman and kirsten dunst join Salma, and Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp join George.

That makes the whole thing a half hour long, but I think that's okay.

[LynzM]

12. I would totally fucking watch that.

Damn :wow: Salma and Clooney and Depp? Drool.

[Inland]

9. Rivers wouldn't light, given all her cosmetic surgery.

She might melt with enough heat.

[Rabrrrrrr]

10. It might be more like setting a pile of tires on fire,

but still, it should produce a lot of smoke, anyway. :-)

[Dukkha]

11. I like the Webbies rule

each winner is only allowed to say 5 words in their acceptance speech