Just checking in....

[RevCheesehead]

Today was another long day. My brother got here late last night, and today we went to the funeral home to take care of arrangements. Late this afternoon we had a memorial service for Mom here at their Senior Residence (they do this whenever anyone here passes away). It was touching to see how many people got to know Mom in the 2-1/2 short years she was here.

Dad's holding up pretty well, considering. While at the funeral home, we had a final viewing before cremation (and John, my brother, didn't get to see her until today). That was the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life. And to hear my dad break down and sob - my God, the pain was just awful.

It's been really comforting to see all of your condolences, prayers, and expressions of support during this time. You all have helped sustain me in ways that I can't even begin to describe. Thank you so much for that.

Here's a pic of my mom & dad, shorty after they moved here:



An old pic of mom that I found on her computer:



And Mom, in happier, healthier days:

[KitchenWitch]

1. Ruth - always know I am here for you

Did you get my PM?

[RevCheesehead]

8. Yes, I did.

I've been so exhausted, this is the first I've been able to sit and try to gather my thoughts. Sorry I haven't had the energy to respond to PM's yet. Maybe tomorrow.

You're one of the best, Kitchy. :hug::loveya:

[KitchenWitch]

14. Do what you need to do

Just know that if you need to talk, you can dial me up!

[johnnie]

2. .

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

10. Thank you, johnnie.

That's my brother's childhood name, too. Mom called him Johnnie. :)

:hug:

[DanCa]

3. Rev my heart is hurting for your loss.

I want you to know that I am praying for you. If theres anything you need please pm me day or night. Love ya Danny.

[RevCheesehead]

11. Thanks, Danny.

I love you, too. :hug:

[Ptah]

4. You are in my thoughts and prayers, neighbor.

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

12. And, apparently,

I'm on your sandwich. :P

Thanks, hon. :hug:

[lady raven]

5. she looks like a lovely lady

Your mom has such a sweet smile. I'm sure she will be missed. We are all thinking about you!

[RevCheesehead]

13. Thanks, Kitty.

Mom's smile lit up a room - and her heart always stayed in the room, long after she left it. She was a remarkable woman.
:hug:

[FuzzySlippers]

6. Ruth, I know the pain is enormous when one loses a parent.

I hope you're getting enough rest and taking care of yourself.:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

16. I'm working on that, Fuzzy.

Once I finally fell asleep last night, I slept deeply. Crying takes a lot of energy, and not crying takes even more.

Right now, I'm more focused on taking care of my dad. But I'm being good in the self-care department, too.

:hug:

[haydukelives]

7. I'v been thinking of you

Rev. No really I have
I hang out here more than I post.
I read many of your posts

[RevCheesehead]

17. Thanks so much for that!

Anyone with DUKE in their name is a definate friend of mine!
I appreciate your kind words, too. :hug:

[yvr girl]

9. Nothing more grown up than dealing with the end of a parent's life

I hope you and your family are able to spend some quality time together remembering the good things. Don't let it all be sad.

[RevCheesehead]

18. we're finding our way.

Tonight, after making many phone calls, my brother came up with a brilliant idea. He popped in a videotape collection of Hogan's Heroes. That's always been a family favorite - and it even got dad laughing for a little bit, too.

Who'd a thought brothers could be so smart? :)

Thanks, yvr. :hug:

[KitchenWitch]

22. If one cannot laugh at Hogan's Heroes

I fear for that person's psyche!

[RevCheesehead]

23. My brother made those tapes for dad years ago...

when he lived in Philadelphia area. That was before the recent releases of old shows on DVD. Now I have Hogan's Season 1 & 2, and will bring them with me, so we don't have to fast-forward through the commercials, and can see the original, uncut episodes.

Hogan is good for the soul. Shultz is even better. :)

[SeattleGirl]

15. Rev, what a wonderful picture of your mother as a girl

I've been thinking of you and your family. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

19. Thanks, SG.

Your friendship and support means a lot. :hug:

[LeftyMom]

20. We're here for you Rev.

I'll be keeping your family in my thoughts. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

21. Thanks, LM.

I really appreciate it. :hug:

[Shine]

24. It takes Courage to grieve.

Please be gentle with yourself during this difficult time and know that you are loved and held in a circle of friendship and support.

:grouphug:

:loveya:

[RevCheesehead]

27. Thanks, Shine.

I do feel that support and love - and it's amazing. :grouphug:

:hug::loveya:

[UrbScotty]

25. May God bless you, Rev.

May she rest in peace.

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

28. Amen.

And she is, thanks be to God. :hug:

[merh]

26. Aww, thanks for sharing these photos with us.

I've had you in my thoughts and prayers.

Take good care of yourself. :pals: :hug: :loveya:

[RevCheesehead]

30. Thank you, my friend.

I don't know what I'd do without your support and love.

BTW - we've been saying the Tony prayer, and the lost item still hasn't been found. Any ideas?
(it's Mom's list of her funeral wishes... it's not where it's supposed to be, and have no idea where it could be.)

[merh]

33. Did you check her robe pockets?

Isn't that where her hearing aids were?

Tony, Tony look around, somethings lost and can't be found! O8)

You have always got my love and support. You've been there for me, tit for tat and all of that.
:pals: :hug: :loveya:

[RevCheesehead]

38. You're right about that!

In fact, it was the hospice chaplain who mentioned St. Anthony. My head popped up, and I said "Tony, Tony, look around; something's lost that must be found!"

By the way, on Mom's upstairs nightstand, there was only one hearing aid. Like Dad said, they disappeared on a regular basis.

One other quick story:
When I first arrived, and sat crying with Dad as we looked at Mom, we finally reached a quiet moment. At that second, the stereo in her room suddenly turned on, and the CD began playing "Unforgettable." I cried out, "Mom! You're here with us!"

If the stereo was on a timer, it didn't go off today. I was up in her room this morning - and I checked.

[merh]

40. She WAS there with you.

She will be with you always. :hug:

I know, my mom is with me always. The pain will ease, your memories and your love will provide you so much comfort. And when they don't, the Big Guy will step in to hold you up until they do.

:loveya: :loveya:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

29. My dear Rev......

I'm holding you close for comfort.....

Know that you and your brother and dad are in my prayers....

I love the one from Philemon 4..."When I remember you in my prayers, I always thank my God..."

This one seems especially appropriate right now.......

Please take good care of yourself during this emotional and difficult time!

You know I am here for you, as you were for me...:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

31. Thank you so much, Peggy.

This is, indeed, one of the hardest moments of my life. But I also feel God with me, in a way more profound and real as time passes. It doesn't take away the pain, but it does offer comfort. I hope that makes sense.

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

34. Yes, it does make sense...very much so!

Even this terrible grief cannot stop your own intelligence from shining through....

God always offers comfort to those who seek it......:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

39. Or, as my brother said to me a few months ago,

"Grace will be given." And it has. Over and over and over again. :hug:

[tuvor]

32. Been through this myself

And I don't know what to say, except maybe thank God for memories.

Thanks for checking in.

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

36. The memories will always be with me.

Hopefully, in time, the sadness will lessen, and the happy, loving times will remain, amplified with the echoes of the countless "I love you"s that we shared with one another. We never, ever took these last days for granted, knowing that she could go, suddenly. At least her suffering has ended, and ours will, in time, fade away.

:hug:

[gkhouston]

55. It does get better with time, for almost everyone,

but losing someone you love is never easy. There are still times when I miss my Dad intensely, but most of the time my thoughts of him are centered on good memories and not on feelings of loss. Be wherever you are emotionally, regardless of others' expectations.

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

56. Thanks, Gina.

You are a wonderful friend, and I cherish you. :hug:

[deadparrot]

35. Hugs, Rev.

:hug:

May you and your family begin on a road to healing soon. Best of luck.

[RevCheesehead]

37. We'll get there, in time.

And in the meantime, while we have each other, we cherish every moment. Thank you so much for your kind words. :hug:

[murielm99]

41. I am so sorry.

You are a comfort to so many of us here. I hope we can do the same for you.

It is hard to lose a parent. Thanks for sharing the pictures. You will be in my prayers.

[RevCheesehead]

57. Thanks so much, Muriel.

You are. :hug:
And thank you for the prayers - I really do feel them.

[khashka]

42. Ruth....

In spite of our rather joking relationship - I hope you know I love and care about you. (PM me if you ever need a friend to talk to and I'll give you my phone number.)


Thanks for the photos of your mom. In my religion we share our remembrances of our loved ones - so that they live on not only in our hearts but in the hearts of others. I know your beliefs are different. But I went to my parents' church and asked them to include you and your family in their prayers. They were eager to do so.

:hug:


Khash.


(Seriously, Ruth, if you need a friend or a shoulder to cry on or just someone to say things to that you need to say... I'm here.)

[RevCheesehead]

58. I do know that, Khash....

because despite what you write, the real you does shine through.
You're a remarkable person, and I'm glad to call you friend. And thank you so very, very much for the prayers. :hug:

[Bunny]

43. Sending you strength and love, Rev.

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

59. Thank you so much, Bunny.

It means a lot to me. :hug:

[tjwmason]

44. Thank you for the photographs Rev'd.

Your mother clearly had so much happiness and joy in her heart - that will continue to live on in those whom she has touched.

In paradisum deducant te angeli,
in tuo adventu
suscipiant te martyres,
et perducant te
in civitatem sanctam Jerusalem.
Chorus angelorum te suscipiat,
et cum Lazaro quondam paupere
aeternam habeas requiem.

[RevCheesehead]

60. Thanks so much for these words of comfort.

I'm hearing the Faure Requiem in my mind as I read, and I thank you for that. :hug:

[RetroLounge]

45. You've got my number

anytime, day or night, use it...

:hug:

RL

[RevCheesehead]

61. I'll be in touch...

in a few days or so, I promise. :hug:

[BigMcLargehuge]

46. My condolences Rev

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

62. Thanks, Big.

:hug:

[miss_american_pie]

47. Much love to you, Rev

I pray your family will be comforted. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

63. Thank you.

We really appreciate all the prayers. :hug:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

48. Thank you for checking in with us

I know that these have been very intense days for you.

Your mother looks like a wonderful lady, and I'm glad that you, your father, and brother are able to be a comfort to one another.

"Almighty God, Father of mercies and giver of all comfort: Deal graciously, we pray thee, with all those who mourn, that casting every care on thee, they may know the consolation of thy love, thought Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."

[RevCheesehead]

64. Thank you, dear Lydia.

The liturgy and prayers of the Church have been especially comforting at this time. Thank you for sharing this one with me. :hug:

[LynzM]

49. Love and hugs to you, Rev

And to all of your family :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

65. Thank you....

I'll be sure to share with the rest of the family, too. :hug:

[billyskank]

50. Hey Rev

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

66. Thanks, Billy.

:hug:

[redqueen]

51. What beautiful smiles...

Goddess, I'm about to cry now.

[RevCheesehead]

67. And it ain't just the smile....

The person behind the smile was even more remarkable. Once she met someone, they were a friend for life. She had a lot of love to share with the world. :)

:hug:

[ThomCat]

52. Many Hugs

:hug:I've been looking for threads from you to see if you're okay, and I don't even know you. :hug: I hope you're holding up. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

68. I'm doing OK.

Tomorrow's gonna be hard... but I'm going to focus on the love being shared with everyone: family, friends, and all who knew her. And we're lucky that we have one another, too.

Thanks so much - I really appreciate it. :hug:

[RFKHumphreyObama]

53. My deepest thoughts, prayers, condolences and sympathies once again

Your mother truly looks like a beautiful and radiant women both in physical features and in personality. Even though I never knew her, you can tell from the smile and the expression on her face the depth of kindness, compassion, generosity of spirit and love that she must have had in her heart and in her soul. And indeed her legacy lives on in the kindness and love that you have shown to others on this forum.

I feel so very sorry for your father –I can’t even imagine what he must be going through at the moment. All my thoughts, prayers and positive vibes are extended to him at the present time. At least you and your brother can be with him at this time and I’m sure that he will be comforted by your love and support and that of your brother

Once again, I'm so, so very sorry and you and your family have my deepest and most profound thoughts, sympathies and condolences and I will keep you all in my prayers and thoughts :hug: :hug: :hug: Please PM me if you feel like talking or confiding and remember that we are always here for you

[RevCheesehead]

69. your post has touched me deeply.

Thank you so very much. :hug::hug:

[rbnyc]

54. Hi Sweety.

Been thinkin' of ya'.

:loveya:

[RevCheesehead]

70. Thanks.

:hug:

[Whoa_Nelly]

71. Thanks for checking in and sharing a bit of what you've been going through

Just this for you and yours... :hug:

[WCGreen]

72. The same smile......

All through her life......

[Flaxbee]

73. I'm sorry for your loss.

I haven't been through this yet myself, I can't imagine how sad you must be. It sounds like you and your family are there for each other, though, and you know DUers are supporting you, too.

Lovely photos - the one of your mom as a girl is terrific.