Your favorite Monty Python sketch?

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[KitchenWitch]

1. Dead Parrot

[Clintmax]

28. Seconded!

"This is an EX parrot!" :rofl::rofl:

[Arugula Latte]

51. "He's pining for the fjords."

( the parrot is a "Norwegian Blue" :rofl: )

That's one of my favorite lines ever.

[EFerrari]

82. He has joined the Choir Eternal

:rofl:

[deadparrot]

2. It's in my name.

Though there are many classics. :D

[KitchenWitch]

5. mine too!

Ministry of Silly Walks, Spam, and Confuse a Cat are notables as well.

[Random_Australian]

3. There are 120 people hidden in this field

Mrs Johnson, would you stand up please?

[Benfea]

13. The "How Not To Be Seen" sketch is priceless!

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

4. Say no MORE!

[KitchenWitch]

6. nudge nudge!

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

8. Your wife... is she a sport?

[hobo_baggins]

65. A nudge is the same as a wink to a blind bat

[jus_the_facts]

7. Confuse-A-Cat Limited

:D

Title: Confuse-A-Cat
Transcribed by: Brittany K.
From: Monty Python's Flying Circus video volume 3





HUSBAND: Oh good, that'll be the vet dear.


WIFE: I better go and let him in


WIFE: It's the vet dear.


HUSBAND: Very glad, indeed that you could come 'round, sir.


VET (Graham Chapman): Now what seems to be the problem? You can tell me, I'm a vet you know.


WIFE (Panicked): See, tell him, dear.


HUSBAND: Well…


WIFE (interrupting): …It's our cat. He doesn't do anything. He just sits out there on the lawn.


VET: Is it dead?


WIFE and HUSBAND: No, no.


VET: Thank god for that. For one ghastly moment I thought I was (dramatic pause) too late! (Looks into camera) If only more people would call in the nick of time!


WIFE: He just sits there all day and everyday.


HUSBAND: …and at night!


WIFE (to MAN): Shh!


WIFE: …almost motionless. We have to take his food out to him.


HUSBAND: …and his milk!


WIFE: Shh! He doesn't do anything, he just sits there.


VET: Are you at your wit's end?


WIFE: Diffidently (HUSBAND about to speak) Shh! Yes.


VET: I see then I think I might be able to help you. (He sits, and signals others to do so.) You see, your cat is suffering from what we vets haven't found a word for. His condition is typified by total physical inertia.
Absence of interest in his ambiance, what we vets call, "environment."
Failure to respond to the conventional external stimuli, a ball of string, a nice juicy mouse, a bird, to be blunt, your cat (takes of glasses) is in a rut. (HUSBAND and WIFE hold each other as they grow worried) It's the old stockbroker syndrome. The suburban fantasy, angst. Call it what you will.


WIFE: Moping. (as she cries)


VET: In a way, in a way. (face grows worried) "Moping", must remember that. Now then what's to be done? Tell me sir, have you confused your cat recently?


HUSBAND: Well we…


WIFE: Shh! No.


VET: Well, I can diffidently say that your cat badly needs to be confused.


HUSBAND: What?


WIFE: Shh! What?


VET: Confused, to be shaken out of its state of compliancy. I'm afraid I am not personally qualified to confuse cats but I can recommend an extremely good service. Here is their card. (Hands HUSBAND a half sheet of paper; WIFE rips it out of his hands)


WIFE (reading with HUSBAND echoing): "Confuse a cat limited" Oh?





SERGEANT: Eyes front. Deck officers! Confusers! Huh!





GENERAL: Ah now men we've got a pretty little cat to confuse. Jolly good, Captain.


CAPTAIN: Get out of the van wait for it … get out the funny things! Move, move!





GENERAL: Right men. Confuse the (pause) cat.


Red curtains are drawn revealing a man (Michael Palin) with one leg and a crutch in colonial period dress. The man disappears and two boxers appear, Eric Idle in the YELLOW shorts and Michael Palin in BLUE shorts. As they box around a bowler hat appears on BLUE's head then YELLOW's head and back. The hat switches styles and is now a top hat. Then a fez is added. BLUE then is wearing a habit and YELLOW is wearing a hat with four corners. BLUE suddenly changes into a colonial style military uniform and knocks out YELLOW who 'slides' away. BLUE still wearing uniform 'slides' from stage left to right and back on one foot.
Then a CONSTABLE appears along with a PENGUIN on a pogo stick who hops clumsily around. A shot of CAT watching is shown. PENGUIN turns into a garbage can with a lid as YELLOW 'slides' off stage. CONSTABLE removes lid of can and YELLOW pops out of can. Cut to shot of MAN, LADY, and GENERAL watching, then CAT watching. Next a man with a TOWEL (Eric Idle) around him jumps out of can covering his chest and lands on a chair that appeared next to CONSTABLE. TOWEL jumps and disappears. CONSTABLE sits in chair. YELLOW points to a cannon that has appeared and it fires. CONSTABLE is gone.
TOWEL jumps out of can then is chased by PENGUIN. As YELLOW claps his hands TOWEL appears and disappears and is chased by PENGUIN. He appears out of a second garbage can. PENGUIN appears out of the first and hits TOWEL with a fish. Cut to CAT. Cut to stage were PENGUIN, CONSTABLE, TOWEL, a chef, and YELLOW are lined up and take a bow. They disappear as they jump up]


GENERAL: Hope to god it works. Anyway, we shall know any minute now.





WIFE: Oh, I can't believe it!


HUSBAND: Neither can I, sir! It's just like to old days.


WIFE: He's cured thank you, General!


HUSBAND: What can we ever do to repay you?


GENRERAL (looks into camera): Nothing. It's all in a days work for Confuse-A-Cat. "Confuse-A-Cat Limited
Incorporating
Amaze-A-Vole LTD.
Stun-A-Stoat LTD.
Puzzle-A-Puma LTD.
Startle-A-Thompson's Gazelle LTD.
Bewilderebeest INC.
Distract-A-Bee ]

[patcox2]

40. "fin de siecle ennui," the vet says that at one point.

Its what makes it perfect.

[begin_within]

9. Ministry of Silly Walks

[blondeatlast]

32. Agreed. nt

[blue neen]

74. They just showed that one the other day on BBC.

I laughed so hard I cried. :)

[Charlie Brown]

10. "I wanted to be . . . A LUMBERJACK"

Also, the "How not to be seen" show is a classic.

[Solar]

11. Did you see that? A man just fell past the window!

Must be a board meeting.

[Benfea]

12. Upperclass Twit of the Year

I can't help but think about Darth Jar-Jar every time I think about that particular sketch.

[Awsi Dooger]

23. Same

"Dear Sir, how splendid it is to see the flower of British manhood wiping itself out with such pluck and tenacity. Britain need have no fear with leaders of this caliber. If only a few of the so-called working class would destroy themselves so sportingly"

[The Magistrate]

14. The Pirahna Brothers, Sir

"Dinsdale...."

[Oeditpus Rex]

17. Excellent choice

The Piranha Brothers, aka "Ethel the Frog," is one of the best-conceived, -written and -performed of all Python sketches.

It also happens to come in what I consider their best episode overall, Episode 14, which starts with Graham Chapman as an MP being interviewed while wearing a striking organza gown, etc., with the opposing view being put forth by a small patch of brown liquid. It also includes the Ministry of Silly Walks.

[The Magistrate]

19. Indeed, Sir

"And he certainly knew how to treat a female impersonator."

[Ohio Joe]

70. I have to agree as well

It always cracks me up.

[Va Lefty]

15. Good day Bruce!

I'd like to welcome you to The University of Wallamalu and this term I don't want to catch any of the staff not drinking.

[begin_within]

16. Argument Clinic

[kwassa]

34. my favorite, too.

[EstimatedProphet]

18. The Cannibal Undertakers

"I can't eat my mother!"

"Look, if you feel guilty, we'll dig a hole and you can throw up in it."

[XOKCowboy]

20. Mr. Creosote

Ok it's from a movie but it's my favorite bit of theirs. The Meaning Of Life is also my favorite movie of theirs. So many funny bits in that movie. "Get that would ya Diedre?" and The Universe Song and "So can we have yr liver?" and "The Salmon Mousse". One of the funniest movies of all time.

[begin_within]

21. Spam

[Theres-a]

33. Spam!

[begin_within]

45. Spam!

[Arugula Latte]

52. Spam!

[Theres-a]

62. And Spam!

[sarge43]

22. Spanish Inquisition n/t

[Oeditpus Rex]

24. I didn't expect that

:popcorn:

[begin_within]

46. NO ONE expects the Spanish Inquisition

[ceile]

68. Comfy chair!!!

And pillows!!

[sarge43]

78. Oh bugger!

:rofl:

[mikeytherat]

25. Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, dum, dum dum, da-dum!

He steals from the poor and gives to the rich - stupid bitch!

mikey_the_rat

[meegbear]

31. Stand and deliver! Hand over all your lupins!

[TyeDye75]

26. Close order swanning about.... nt

[Burma Jones]

35. Seconded.....

You Military Fairy.....

[In_The_Wind]

27. The skit about Castle Anthrax.

That may change, I've just started watching Monty Python very recently.

[QuettaKid]

29. Can't believe no one has mentioned

The Cheese Shop. Priceless.

""Wenslydale: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.

Customer: (surprised) You do! Excellent.

Wenslydale: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...

Customer: Oh, I like it runny.

Wenslydale: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.

Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!

Wenslydale: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.

Customer: I don't care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.

Wenslydale: Oooooooooohhh........!

Customer: What now?

Wenslydale: The cat's eaten it.

Customer: (pause) Has he.

Wenslydale: She, sir.""

full sketch here.

http://orangecow.org/pythonet/sketches/cheese.htm

[In_The_Wind]

30. What a *senseless* waste of human life.

I see I've truly missed a lot!

[HughBeaumont]

36. You're No Fun Anymore!

Probably that whole episode.

[BigMcLargehuge]

37. North Minehead By-Election

[TheBaldyMan]

42. If you had ever been to Minehead you'ld know that's a documentary

not a sketch.

[NewJeffCT]

38. There are too many greats to choose one

Dead Parrott
Cheese Shop
Nudge Nudge
Argument Clinic
and more...

[patcox2]

39. Flying sheep (they don't so much fly, as plummet)

Followed by the french aeronautical engineers.

Unexploded scotsman disposal squad is great too.

Sidewalk climbing team.

Four Yorkshiremen.

[Call Me Wesley]

41. The brazillion sketch!

[Oeditpus Rex]

72. That joke was Britain's entry

for this year's Rubber Mac of Zurich Award.









It came last.

[Call Me Wesley]

77. Oh, you're just being mean to me!

x(

[Oeditpus Rex]

80. Bugger off!

It took me an hour to find that text, dammit! :grr:

[TheBaldyMan]

43. Vocational Guidance Councillor

The Fish Dance
The Spanish Inquisition

[edbermac]

44. All of them; especially anything with Carol Cleveland...

[Mad_Dem_X]

63. You mean, "Vanilla Whore"?

I can't remember the name of the skit, but they're filming a movie, and that's the name of the actress she played.

[edbermac]

71. Scott of the Antartic, they filmed it at some beach

Along with the Giant Electric Penguin...

[begin_within]

47. But I didn't eat the salmon mousse!

[peekaloo]

48. Cheese Shop

http://www.phespirit.info/montypython/cheese_shop.htm

:rofl:

[bikebloke]

49. A funeral skit

I don't know if it had a name. Part of a run of funeral sketches. They're standing around a grave, when some bloke (Michael Palin) runs up coughing and climbs into the casket. One old biddy (John Cleese) says, "I always said he'd be late for his own funeral."

[begin_within]

50. Lemon Curry?

[jmowreader]

53. Whizzo Chocolates

"Crunchy Frog. Are you saying there's a real frog in here?"
'Yes. A little one.'
"What kind of a frog?"
'A dead frog.'

[begin_within]

54. Storage Jars

[DS1]

55. The Doctors vs the Peglegs in a football match

ARR!!!

[Metta]

56. Crunchy frog, lumberjacks and Spam.

Too many to name, really. Mmmm. :donut: :)

[begin_within]

57. Mount Everest Ascended By Hairdressers

"Things have gotten so bad that we've been forced to use the last of the heavy oxygen equipment just to keep the hairdryers going."

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

58. Actually one of my all time favorites is a little throwaway sketch...

"Come Back to My Place" I think it's called, or something like that.

John Cleese is a policeman standing on the corner. Michael Palin walks up to him with some kind of story about how he left his overcoat on a park bench for a minute, and when he checked back, his wallet had been taken. Cleese asks him if he saw anybody or anything, and Palin says no. Cleese tells him that there's nothing much that can be done.

A brief pause, then Palin asks Cleese in a more quiet tone, "Do you want to go back to my place?"

Cleese thinks for half a second, says "All right", and the two walk offscreen together.

[begin_within]

60. Yes I remember that well! I was very surprised it was broadcast on TV in

the U.S. in the 1970s, things were very different then

[HamiltonHabs32]

59. Oddles of Monty Python Clips

I wish I found this thread earlier, for those who need reference here are Oddles of Monty Python Sketchs

for the record mine is the Lumber Jack song

[Rabrrrrrr]

61. Cheese Shop and Flight School

Not sure if it's actually called flight school, but I find it so totally fucking hilarious, and I'm always amazed that it seems to get no credit, and not even any real memory from anyone.

It's the one with the flight instructor (Graham, I believe) hanging from the ceiling, saying he can teach the guy (Jones, I think) how to fly, and Jones is saying "But you're hanging up there with wires!" and Graham says "No, I'm not, you lying bastard" or something like that. The word "bastard" is used a number of times, and then Graham takes a hoop, with a section cut out of it, to "prove" that there are no wires, and Jones calls it "an 'oop" and Graham gets all indignant saying, "Oh, 'an 'oop', eh? 'an 'oop'? Right smarmy proper little bastard aren't we?" or something like that.

I laugh my ass off every time I see it.

[Oeditpus Rex]

64. It's just 'Flying lessons' (Episode 16)

"Oh, a gahp! A gahp in one's hoop! Pardon me, but I'm off to play the grahnd piahno."

Incidentally, the sketch that follows, with Michael Palin as a hijacker, and a later one with Eric Idle as a Scotsman who's hidden a bomb on a plane ("I'll tell you where it is for a pound"), are loosely based on a sketch in "How to Irritate People," John Cleese's pre-Python film. In that sketch, Cleese and Graham Chapman (I think) play pilots whose idea of fun is to make vague "There's no need to panic"-type announcements to the passengers.

Also in the film, the "car repairman" sketch, written by Chapman and based on an actual incident, is the basis for the "Dead Parrot" sketch.

[Rabrrrrrr]

76. That's it!

And I have rarely laughed as hard as I have at the pilot sketch in "How to Irritate People".

[redqueen]

66. I could not possibly choose.

Dead Parrot
Lumberjack
Blancmange
Tinny/Woody words
Cartoons about giant godzilla-style cats walking around with their arms outstretched
SPAM!
Cheese Shop
Argument Clinic (title?)
Deranged person olympics (don't know the 'official' name for these)
...

the list would be WAY too long

[redqueen]

67. Oh and the one about the crunchy frog...

Goddess, there are SO MANY!

[martymar64]

69. Battling Townswomen's Reinactment of the Battle of . . .

Pearl Harbor
Agincourt
El Alamein
Little Bighorn
Naseby
Dien bien phu
Stalingrad
the Alamo
Badon Hill (where Sir Robin personally wet himself)
Hastings
Islandwana
Gallipoli

[WhollyHeretic]

73. Now it's quite simple to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana

First of all you force him to drop the banana; then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

75. There was some kind of Sam Peckinpah tribute, where they had a film

of some kind of Victorian picnic/tennis outing, that turned into dismemberment and blood spurting mayhem.

[Oeditpus Rex]

79. 'Salad Days'

Hello everybody.

Hello Lionel.

I say, what a simply super day!

Gosh, yes!

It's so, you know — sunny.

Yes, isn't it? I say, anyone for tennis?

Oh, super!

What fun!

I say, Lionel — catch!

He tosses the ball and it hits Lionel on the head. Blood gushes from the wound.

Oh, gosh!

He throws his racquet and it hits a woman, embedding in her stomach.

Oh, crikey!

She grabs Charles's arm as she collapses, ripping the arm from his shoulder and spewing blood. Charles staggers and falls onto the piano lid, closing it on the pianist's hands and severing them. The piano collapses, crushing some people, and the keyboard goes through Julian's stomach. He turns and the keyboard lops off a woman's head. Blood gushes and pools everywhere.

Pretty strong "me" there from Sam Peckinpah!

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

81. Yes, and the mayhem scenes were in loving slo-motion like in

"The Wild Bunch" or other Peckinpah movies.

[twenty2strings]

83. Deja Vu...."It's The Mind"

Nerve wracking to watch.:crazy:Great music.