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DH had his in 2000, before we were married, but after we were together.
The biggest problem he had was that he does not respond to novacaine, and at the time, had not realized it. Your partner should be adamant about being numb before the procedure starts. Laying off caffeine helps. Have icepacks available. The swelling was minimal and he did not have stitches, just steristrips.
The second biggest problem was unrelated; he had a small cyst that developed about seven months after the vastectomy that caused him pain, but it was unrelated. The cyst dissolved on its own about a year later, and the pain went away. Pain after vasectomy is not common, and when it does happen, is usually unrelated to the operation. (Seminal cysts are apparently common for men in their 30s and 40s.)
The third issue is that I have to retailor some pants, and he does not wear jeans anymore (though he was not a jeans person before, preferring Dockers or dress pants). Things droop about a quarter inch more than they used to (though this may be age related), so we have to make sure his pants don't bind. This means I sometimes need to rehem things to look right. (DH doesn't care what his clothes look like, but I do.)
Now the good things: His sex drive (and mine) have improved. Not worrying about pregnancy is a huge, massive, gigantic psychological relief. Not having to fumble for some rubber thing means that the mood doesn't break. Since I'm not on the pill anymore, I actually HAVE a sex drive and knowing that I won't get pregnant really helps. He also has fewer anxieties about sex in general, and because he has fewer anxieties, he's a better partner.
My husband is a Desert Storm vet, and before the vasectomy, had had some problems with burning semen syndrome. Since then, that problem has gone away completely. That may not apply to you.
I just asked him and he said he would do it again in a minute if he had to, and the only thing he would do differently is insist that he have enough operative pain relief. The post-op drugs were sufficient: vicodin and ketoprophen.
As for asking him to cancel, all I can say is that our experience with fertility is that we are strongly pro-choice and adamantly individualist on this issue. DH and I made our decisions about fertility independently and individually. If you were me, then what I'd want you to tell me is that his body is not your body. If your husband wants to control his fertility, he has the right to do so. (This is the only way he has to exercise his choice.) DH asked my opinion before he had his, but he made it clear that my opinion was not going to be the deciding factor - DH did not and does not want children, and most especially did not want his genes being passed on (his family has some genetic issues). Had I objected, he may have been willing to bank his sperm, but that would have been it. Had I objected strongly, we probably would not have married.
But you need to communicate your fears, and to realize that what you worry about is not at all common or likely. Our experience is apparently far more common than the complications are. (And do remember that a lot of the websites that promote the horror stories are those that are heavily invested in or supported by the vasectomy reversal industry or by the anti-birth control types. Look for motivations before you decide to fall for the claims that vasectomy is evil.)
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