A Dictionary for Republicanisms

[redwitch]

A Dictionary for Republicanisms

Alternative energy sources n. New locations to drill for gas and oil.


Bankruptcy n. A punishable crime when committed by poor people but not corporations.


"burning bush" n. A biblical allusion to the response of the President of the United States, when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire.


Cheney, Dick n. The greater of two evils.


Class warfare n. Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.


Climate change n. The blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.


Compassionate conservatism n. Poignant concern for the very wealthy
(Lawrence Sandek, Twin Peaks, Calif.]

Creationism n. Pseudoscience that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental
.

DeLay, Tom n. 1. Past tense of De Lie
.
2. Patronage saint
.

Extraordinary rendition n. Outsourcing torture
.

Faith n. The stubborn belief that God approves of Republican moral values despite the preponderance of textual evidence to the contrary
.

Free markets n. Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense
.

Girly men n. Males who do not grope women inappropriately
.

God n. Senior presidential adviser
.

Growth n. 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich.
2. What happens to the national debt when Republicans cut taxes on the rich
(Matthew Polly, Topeka, Kans.].

Healthy forest n. No tree left behind
.

Honesty n. Lies told in simple declarative sentences--e.g., "Freedom is on the march"
.

House of Representatives n. Exclusive club; entry fee $1 million to $5 million (See Senate)
.

Laziness n. When the poor are not working
.

Leisure time n. When the wealthy are not working
.

Liberal(s) n. Followers of the Antichrist
.

No Child Left Behind riff. 1. V. There are always jobs in the military
.
2. n. The rapture


Ownership society n. A civilization where 1 percent of the population controls 90 percent of the wealth
.

Patriot Act n. 1. The pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first.
2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us
.

Pro-life adj. Valuing human life up until birth
.

Senate n. Exclusive club; entry fee $10 million to $30 million
.

Simplify v. To cut the taxes of Republican donors
.

Staying the course interj. Slang. Saying and doing the same stupid thing over and over, regardless of the result
.

Stuff happens interj. Slang. Donald Rumsfeld as master historian
.

Voter fraud n. A significant minority turnout
.

Woman n. 1. Person who can be trusted to bear a child but can't be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have the child.
2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in the first place
.

[redwitch]

1. I don't know why the attributed authors don't print with the quotes.

sorry!