"Russian Brides"

[Maddy McCall]

Documentary on DTMS (Discovery Times) right now. It's pretty interesting.

A guy in our town is a total redfaced, raging asshole. He married a woman from the Ukraine. Every time that I see her she looks miserable--never smiling, always in her American husband's shadow. He grumbles at her and scolds her in public, as if she's his daughter instead of his wife. I've wanted to ask her to go to lunch with me, but I don't think her husband would "allow" her to be around a free-thinking, independent American woman.

Her son, a friend of my son's, showed us a photo of him and his grandfather with George Bush. (Definitely real, not photoshopped.) Don't know that that has anything to do with the situation--just that the woman's father is an influential Ukrainian and her husband is a big local Republican.

Anyway, the show is very interesting.

[politicat]

1. My husband's friend's wife is Russian....

they met over one of the Russian Women chat things, but I'm not entirely sure you could call her a "Russian Bride".

S (the wife) rules that roost. J never had a chance. And that's the best thing for him. But S is pretty confident, has excellent English, and is one of the toughest, smartest, cleverest women I know.

I think a woman's confidence in being able to negotiate with INS on her own if she has to dictates at least some of what a woman will put up with if she is not yet a citizen. If she knows she can deal with INS and keep her paperwork up to date, get her work permits and do whatever else she is trying to do (be it become a permanent resident or work for citizenship), I think she's less likely to let a husband bully her. But if she's not comfortable dealing with INS, or her language skills are lacking (or she's told her language skills are lacking) or whatever, I think she's more desperate and thus will put up with more.

My sympathies for your acquaintance. Ask her anyway. She might surprise you. If nothing else, you asking will tell her that other people value her enough to notice her. Asking her may be a bright spot, even if she can't say yes.

[Maddy McCall]

2. I will ask her. She won't be able to go...

and her husband will probably despise me more than he already does, but I will ask her.

Thanks for telling me about your friends. I think you are right. If the woman is already an independent person, and capable of taking care of herself, she will be ok no matter who she marries.

:hi:

[NewJeffCT]

3. I've heard a few similar stories on foreign brides

Mostly Russian, but a few from like (I think) the Philippines. Basically, the woman rules the roost.