question re: vets, reunions and children (no Brazilions!)

[momophile]

My Dad served in Vietnam. His service had a huge impact on my family's life. In a couple of months is an annual reunion for the guys he served with, but my Dad has no interest in going. He has never gone. My sister and I, however, are both very interested in going. This part of our Dad's life is still a big mystery to us, and we both feel like we need more answers. A psychologist friend of mine even went so far as to say that she thought that I suffered from Second Generation Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

The guys organizing have invited us to go to the reunion. I've told them that my Dad won't go this year. Should my sister and I still go? Does anyone have experience with Vietnam reunions? Will it be awkward for us? For the guys? For my Dad? Any thoughts?

[Ohio Joe]

1. I would suggest you go

Though I myself have no experience with Vietnam reunions. My grandfather fled Germany at the start of WWII and always refused to talk about it with anyone. He passed away before I was born and we now find that we know almost nothing of his life before coming to America. Slowly we are getting some information but it's difficult. If you have a chance now to find out more about your father, I suggest doing it while people are still around to help you. Good Luck !!!

[momophile]

3. thank you...

I value your answer.

[xmas74]

2. I would ask if he is ok w/ you going.

If not, then ask if they will send you stories about your dad and if you can keep in touch w/ them.

[momophile]

4. seems logical...

I haven't asked him if he's okay with it. I guess I figured he would just shrug and say 'yeah, if you want to.' But I don't know that for sure. I don't think he understands why we would want to go. Maybe it's time we had a small talk about it. Seems so logical but damn it's scary.

Thanks.

[xmas74]

5. No problem.

My grandfather never wanted to speak of the bad things from his time in WWII. Your father may not be ready for it yet.

Tell him why it's so important. Tell him you want to know what it was like and tell him that you want others to know that war is nothing like it is shown in the movies. That line is what got my grandfather to sit down w/ a family member and let them record his recollections of his time as a Ranger.

Let him know that you want to do this as soon as possible. You don't want something to happen and have that part of his history unknown to his family.

You could ask him to record his experiences. If need be, you tell him that he could put the tape away and that no one will listen to it until he is gone, if that is what he prefers. Maybe he will agree to that, at the very least. And you can ask him if it's ok to keep in touch w/ his fellow servicemembers over the years. Let him know exactly why-tell him that you know too many people who sit and wonder about what happened during that time after the person is no longer with them.

We are searching for more information now about my grandfather. Unfortunately, most of the people who served with him are long gone(either during the war or have passed after). It's been a long uphill battle. Let him know that this part of his life is a part of the legacy that he passes on to his grandchildren and so forth. No matter how hard it might be for him to talk about it he might just understand the "whys" coming from you. He might not be ready to speak of it himself but he might allow you to dig for information.