So, Mary Magdelene's Was Jesus's Old Lady?

[Yavin4]

Yes, I finished reading the DaVinci code. And, the story of Jesus and Mary's union being kept hidden by the church rang a bell with me. Where have I heard this before? Ding! Yoko Ono!

See, it wasn't that the disciples or the early church were anti-woman. It was the typical rock band story. You know the one. Band gets hot. Band gets a following. Lead singer gets a chick who comes between singer and the band. Yadda, yaddda, yadda.

Jesus and the disciples are traveling around Jerusalem and Israel playing to sold out crowds like Sermon on the Mount-fest. Band's going good, but here comes Mary Magdelene wanting Jesus to preach her lyrics. Dressing the disciples in matching outfits designed by her. Playing the tambourine while Jesus is preaching.

So, when Jesus dies, the disciples want to cut her out of the royalties (See Nirvanna and Courtney Love feud). They're working on these master CD volume set called, the Bible, which is going to move a lot of product.

So, it wasn't misogyny per se. Mary was a pain in the ass. Imagine how cool the story of the Beatles would be if you'd write out Yoko's part.



(Please note that this entire post was an attempt at humor, a very weak attempt, but an attempt.) :sarcasm:

[AllegroRondo]

1. Did Jesus let her play tambourine in the band?

[Yavin4]

4. It Was His Chick

What was he gonna do? Bruce Springsteen's chick plays tambourine in his band.

[laheina]

6. This is an awesome parallel.

With the added bonus of being funny as hell. ;)

[Yavin4]

8. Thanks. This Happened to AeroSmith

Joe Perry's woman got on Steven Tyler's nerves so bad that he wrote one of the best rock and roll songs of all time just to slam her. The song? "Sweet Emotion"

[no name no slogan]

2. Yeah, but nobody ever accused MM of being a messiah

unlike Yoko was accused of being a "musician"

[Yavin4]

3. How Do We Do That She Wasn't Accused

They wrote MM out of the story entirely. We don't have that luxury with Yoko.

[DS1]

5. I prefer Mel Gibson's version

[Yavin4]

7. If Jesus Wasn't Hitting That, Then....

I don't know.

[Rabrrrrrr]

9. The version in which Yoko gets crucified?

[Richard Steele]

10. Yes, if by 'old lady' you mean "WIFE".

And did you know, it was almost a thousand years
before "the church" started calling her a prostitute?

The BIBLE does not say she was,
it just happens to mention her immediately after
the story of Jesus talking some sense
into the angry mob chasing the 'Adulteress'.

It wasn't until a thousand years later that a pope
officially claimed that SHE was the woman mentioned
in the "cast the first stone' anecdote.

The time he went to that wedding,
and turned water into wine...
Doesn't it seem ODD that the modern Bible
makes no mention of WHOSE wedding that was?

Well, until the DARK AGES, most average folks
generally believed that it was HIS wedding to MARY.
This was not a 'tinfoil-hat' notion;
for many centuries it was considered "common knowledge".

But the 'dark ages' were DARK for a reason,
and "The Church" spent those centuries busily burning books,
and burning anyone who had ever READ those books.

Towards the end, they were burning any non-church-members
who even KNEW HOW to read, "just in case".

Then, they re-wrote the few remaining accounts of history
in a fashion that supported their totalitarian control
of all western thought.

[Yavin4]

11. Now The Wine Story Makes More Sense

See, it was Jesus' responsibility to bring the wine for the wedding, but he stayed out late with the disciples for his bachelor party and forgot. Everybody's getting bummed out. Then, Jesus was like, "I'm not supposed to do this, but since it was my fault that I forgot the wine...." Flick of the wrist. Party was back on.

[Richard Steele]

12. Yup. It seems flippant, but it is the only logical explanation.

That seems to be the most MUNDANE miracle
he ever performed.

The only reason he would have used his godly
power to do such an earthly thing:
It was HIS party.
He was responsible.
He took his resposibility as HOST very seriously.

JESUS never did anything to 'show off',
he did what he did because it needed doing;
and he made it VERY clear that
he could care less about all the PR bullshit.

But he PROMISED his wife a wedding party,
and he wasn't going to break that promise.

Not even when he had to do some things that HE
believed were show-offish, superficial,
and utterly BENEATH his principles.

[Sequoia]

15. I don't have my Bible handy, but I seem to recall that

Jesus's mother came up to him and told him there was no wine. Pinot Noir anyone?

[Richard Steele]

16. You are CORRECT, sir!

The book of JOHN;
Chapter 2, Verse 1:
"1And the third day there was
a marriage in Cana of Galilee;
and the mother of Jesus was there:"

That's the VERY FIRST thing they mention in
the "water/wine/" anecdote!

And if "the Church" is correct when they claim
that this was just some random wedding that Jesus
happened to wander into, why do they make no comment upon
the AMAZING COINCIDENCE that his mother had travelled to attend it?

And the next time you 'don't have your Bible handy',
might I suggest you goto:
http://www.biblegateway.com/

It is an online, searchable Bible database
with over 70 Bibles in over 30 languages,
and a few more downloadable as PDF documents.

I use it a lot!

[CatholicEdHead]

17. That sure sounds like a logical theory

of course all the "offical" gospels were written around 60-70AD long after the fact.

[bridgit]

13. she's the only one that would have him, but i like the Chris Rock line...

from 'dogma',

Bethany: "You knew Jesus?
Rufus: "Knew him? Shit...Nigga owes me twelve bucks!" :rofl:

[Sequoia]

14. I think it's pretty funny.

When I was a kid that play/music "Jesus Christ Superstar" was hitting the big time and our director of the bored-ing-school did some preaching one Sunday (he looked like Cheney--really!)and he preached about the song "I don't know how to love him". He was so clueless, he thought the song was about Jesus's mother! We kids knew better and bowed our heads so as not to laugh. Then one day I saw the movie and bought the LP which I played over and over again. Mostly on Easter.