Man Cuts Off His Penis, Throws It At Cops

[matcom]

<snip>

Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.

Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.

"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.

Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.

http://www.suntimes.com/output/news/cst-nws-ouch17.html

[underpants]

1. LOOK HERE EVERYONE IT'S.......... A.............. ........ ***DUPE**!!!!!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=4901292

[johnnie]

2. I'm sure Matcom had it all ready this morning

And just forgot to hit "Post message" until now.
:eyes:

[Strong Atheist]

3. Yep, I saw that earlier too. ROFLMAO! nt.

[edbermac]

4. Sorry Mat I 'beat' you to it this morning...

Though maybe you were out celebrating St Paddy's Day a little early...:beer:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x4901292

[matcom]

6. stupid meetings

x(

:D

[Arugula Latte]

5. Cue "Detachable Penis":

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.



This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,
or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,
and the next morning I can't for the life of me
remember what I did with it.
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was,
they hadn't seen it either.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time.
So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party,
but they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate.
I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man,
and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house,
and calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.
Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,
where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.
I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.
I took it home, washed it off,
and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
but I don't know.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.