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Here are some jokes I have put together for DUers enjoy!!
HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY
:rofl: :rofl:
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one
day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's
three wishes in total", says the Genie.
The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son
will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the
Genie's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish.
The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one
will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! there was a huge wall
around England.
The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie
explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can
get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a
burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old
lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously To the amazement of
Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one
wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make
the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and
immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the
genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men
considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee
in the boat!
"Did you hear that Flanagan invented an invisible deodorant ?" "No, what good is it ?"
"Well if you use, you vanish and no one knows where the smell is coming from !"
It was the end of the Gulf war. The Arabs stared over at the Oil Fields and watched them burning.
Day and Night the Flames roared into the sky. The Arabs pondered on how they were going to put out
the fires when one Arab suggested that they ring 'Red O Dare'. Red O Dare was contacted but informed
the Arabs that he was busy for the next six months. Red O Dare told the Arabs that they should ring
his cousin Paddy O Dare from Co Mayo in Ireland.
The Arab got on the phone and contacted Paddy. The Arab explained the problem with the Oil Fields to
Paddy and asked if he could help. Paddy Replied: "No Problem." The Arab asked him how quick he
could get there and how much would it cost?. Paddy Replied: "I can be there in 10 Hours and it'll
cost ya' $10,000. "Great"; said the Arab and hung up the phone.
The Arabs waited in the Desert, still watching the flames shooting into the sky, when all of a
sudden an open top truck with four Red Haired Paddy's comes roaring over the Sand Dunes and heads
straight into the oil field. The Arabs shouted to no avail, and the truck drove straight into one of
the burning rigs. They jumped out, took off their Denim Jackets and proceeded to beat the fire out
with them. The Arabs watched with amazement and two days later the Oil Rig Fire was Out. The four
Paddy's walked to the Arabs and one said...."Jazus..that was rough!".
The Arab, while writing the check for $10,000, said to Paddy; "And what are you going to buy with
all this money?. "Paddy Replied: "Well, the first thing I going to buy a set of brakes for that
fucking truck!!"
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to
Paddy, "that's them". The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of
them birds in that cageup there," says Gerry, "Put them in a paper bag." The clerk does and the
two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop. They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are
high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop. "This looks like a grand
place, eh?" says Gerry. "Oh, yeh, this looks good," replies Paddy. They flip a coin and Gerry wins
the toss. "I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy?" says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the
bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his mate drops off the
edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a 'SPLAT'|. As Paddy looks over the edge
of the cliff he shakes his head and says, "Fuck thatt, this budgie jumpin' is too fuckin' dangerous
for me"
How is it that we know Christ was Irish?
Well, he was 33, still lived at home with his Mother, whom he thought was still a virgin and whom she
thought he was the son of God.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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