I think my friend is going to kill himself

[romantico]

Theres a friend of mine who I can't help.He is 65 years old & recently lost his life partner of almsot 40 years. He is clinically depressed & has been getting worse.He spends most days in bed & is awake for a only a few hours where he checks his email & watches tv.He no longer likes to drive & doesn't do much. I work 3rd shift & try to do what I can since I don't live far from him.I come over & watch movies,which he says helps & takes his mind off things. I try to get him out of the house, but tis not easy. He doesn't eat very well & has just lost the will to live.

He needs help which he'll be the first to admit.However, he has no money.He fears he'll loose his house,he gets a very small social security check, & has no other income or assets. He says he needs money to see doctors & he just can't take it anymore. I feel very helpless because I want to help but theres not much I can do.He doesn't want me to come over & he doesn't seem to really want to talk on the phone.

Can anyone suggest what I can do? I can't help think theres some kind of state assistance he can get but he says he has tried & has looked into all options & theres nothing. He says he hasn't worked enough or paid enough for government assistance. I wish I knew more about this stuff.I'm not sure if he's serious but he says he is suicidal.I am forced to take him serious on this issue.If anyone has any suggestions,I'd appreciate it. Thanks!

[xultar]

1. Call his family. Call all his friends. Stay in his face. Don't leave

him alone until you can get him some help.

Call a local mental health facility.
Call a local mental health line.
Call a hospital.
Call him.
Also consider getting him a pet. Let him borrow a pet. Take him to the zoo.
Get him out of the house.

I've been suicidal. The best thing is to keep him occupied.

[kiraboo]

2. I agree.

I've been there too, and anybody in that state of mind is literally incapable of helping him/herself. If you cannot find a family member willing to take action, then you might be the one who saves your friend's life. I repeat: these people are incapable of helping themselves, and waiting to see a change is a dangerous game. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

[romantico]

4. Thanks Xultar

He has no family. He has a cat which he wants to get rid of. TRUST ME, I have thought of everything. I have tried to 'stay in his face' & he gets it.He doesn't want to talk to anyone. He just wants to sleep. I'll look into those you listed. Thanks again for taking the time & responding. I REALLY appreciate it!

[xultar]

7. Getting rid of the cat is a HUGE sign. You have got to keep in his

face. It will be tough because could be the one to find his body. To prevent that you have got to make calls. Get someone in his face. Move in if you have to.

[blondeatlast]

6. Excellent advice, Xultar--keep his mind on anything but himself.

I've been there too. Taking my mind off myself helped tremendously.

[xultar]

8. Pack him up put him in the car and go for a drive!!!

[Shine]

3. It should ALWAYS be taken seriously, if someone sez they're suicidal

You are a good friend for caring so much. I would suggest contacting his family, if you can. Also give him the numbers for any help lines which might exist.

It sounds like he needs some counseling, but I'm not really sure what to suggest in that regard.

Good luck.
:hug:

[Blue Diadem]

5. Check your county listings for mental health service

There is usually some type of mental health service that is available for low income.

You're doing a good thing by trying to keep him company.

[Akoto]

9. Even if he thinks he doesn't have enough money ...

You should have him contact local therapists and mental health services. If you don't think he has the will to do so, offer to do it for him.

I don't have a great deal of money myself, and have been under treatment (though not for suicidal tendencies). A good therapist will find a way to get you affordable help, especially if you tell them that your life may be at risk. Don't let him simply give up on finding an alternative!

[romantico]

10. Thanks everyone!

I'm going to get to work on this.It truly amazes me how a group of strangers who have never met offers SO MUCH!I have been at a loss. An hour ago I thought I was just gonna have to sit back & watch this guy suffer.He's 35 years older than me & I've known him & his partner since I was 16. He is more or less family & know he has no one to turn to. Thanks again everyone for your advice & help!

[blondeatlast]

12. Please keep in touch with us. We are all sending vibes, prayers,

spells, etc. to you and your friend.

:hug:

[redqueen]

13. You're a good friend.

Keeping you both in my prayers...

[Thtwudbeme]

14. Can I make a couple of other suggestions?

If he is religious, contact the church of his choice; or see if he is interested in going to a non-denominational UU church...

Sierra Club

Audobon Club meetings (both Sierra and Audobon meetings are free to go to)

Bowling Leagues

But, start sloooowwwww....he might even be interested in joining an online group at first for people in his situation.

Check Meetup.com too--

Lots of free stuff out there!

Stephanie

[Iniquitous Bunny]

11. Take him to the nearest Emergency Room.

If he tells them he feels this way, they'll do an assessment and get him started on the help he needs. Suicidal people need help immediately- not next week, not tomorrow, NOW! Otherwise, it may be too late. I wish I had more here, but this is serious business.

[no name no slogan]

15. Best advice

anybody that is so close to catatonia CANNOT get help by themselves. They need to be taken somewhere where they can be assessed and hospitalized.

Despite the Dubya years, most states still have public mental health systems that can help out. But the first step is to get him to a hospital where he can be assessed by professionals.

And the best way is through the emergency room. That's how I went in. Sure, I had to wait for a bed but eventually I got the help I needed.

[Iniquitous Bunny]

16. They simply cannot turn you away,

refer you somewhere else, or pass the buck. Most people admitted for mental/behavioral health treatment come through the emergency room. Glad things are going better for you and you were able to get the help you needed. :)

[rbnyc]

18. Agreed.

This is what I would have told anyone who came to me with this problem when I was working intake at the community center.

[Bunny]

21. Yes, take him to the ER. If he refuses to go, call the crisis hotline

or your local police department, and see about getting an involuntary commitment to a psych unit. In PA, I think you can get up to 72 hours of involuntary commitment before a hearing would be held to determine if further intervention is needed. I am very concerned about your friend wanting to give away his cat, it sounds like he's making definite plans. Don't be afraid of pissing him off - just do it.

And you are a wonderful friend for looking into help for him - bless you. :thumbsup:

[Frank Cannon]

17. You are a great, caring friend

I can't tell you how many people see these same signs in their friends and they all just go right over their heads. You, on the other hand, have figured it out. Your friend IS indeed on the very edge, and you've recognized that. God bless you.

As others here have pointed out, there IS assistance available even to those who can't pay. At the very least, there is 1-800-SUICIDE, the state resources at www.suicidehotlines.com, or resources available in your own local Yellow/White Pages. Any of these can point your friend in the right direction.

Suicide is NEVER the answer. There is ALWAYS a tiny glimmer of hope somewhere, no matter how bleak it seems. The most important part of getting better and starting a new, happier life is just finding that tiny sliver of hope. Often, in the case of the suicidal, it involves stepping aside from one's self and one's own problems for a while: i.e., helping someone else who is even worse off (and EVERYONE can find someone who is worse off; that's why God gave us these people).

Best of luck to you and your friend.

[harleydad]

19. You and your friend are in my thoughts and prayers.

It is awful caring for someone who may want not want to live.

I suggest you get help for yourself; how to help this person, what options are available for him, how can you stay sane through this. In this way you are empowered with real knowledge and support. You will need it. Staying connected to this person is good but if it is clinical depression, he probably needs some medical intervention.


Edit: grammar.

[mdmc]

31. Harleydad has the right idea.

You gotta make sure that you are kosher. I would like to suggest that you make sure that your support system is up and running. It sounds like your buddy like movies. I would continue using movies as your bond with him.

Perhaps a local grief counselor could meet with you and discuss your buddies options in life.

[Calliope]

20. If he is over 65 he is eligible for Social Security

If he does not have enough quarters he can get SSI. If he gets SSI he can get medicaid. If he is over 65 he is categorically related to Medicaid and should apply. You can get the application on line. These are long term. Right now I agree with whomever said take him to the emergency room. If he refuses to go, most areas have mental health services available on a sliding fee.

[xmas74]

22. If his behavior seems suicidal, call the police.

They can make a visit to his house and put him on a 12 hour hold, for his own safety. They will have EMS go to his house and EMS will transport to the ER. At the ER, they can do up to a 72 hour hold and have him admitted to a state institution for that time period.

Once at the state institution, he will be in the system. Hopefully, they can make sure he gets the help he needs.

If he says he is suicidal that is all that is needed for a call to the police. When you call ask them to check the welfare and wellbeing of (his name here). Tell the dispatcher what he has said. Chances are the police will respond immediately(unless there is a violent call in progress that all officers are working. Otherwise, his call will be the first responded to.)

[Dangerously Amused]

23. My dear Romantico.

I agree with the others who have suggested medical intervention as your first recourse. At this point your friend is definitely teetering on the edge. Take him to the ER. If he won't go voluntarily, ask him if he is still contemplating suicide and when he acknowledges it, call 911. (I suggest you have him acknowledge his suicidal thoughts because from a legal perspective re: false arrest, I know that the emergency personnel who arrive will NEED a recent and genuine statement of suicidal intent in order to take him away.) You will need to be there with your friend when the emergency personnel arrive because you may need to give them a statement about your friend's suicidal state, and prior suicidal statements, in case your friend "chickens out" and tries to tell them he is not suicidal after all. You will also need to be there to reassure your friend that you will take care of his cat and his house as long as he is away, so he will not have that excuse to try to avoid help.

With respect to giving the emergency personnel a statement, may I suggest taking a moment to write down whatever you can remember about your friend's past expressions of suicidal ideation, so that in the stress of the event you will not forget any of it. This statement will not only help provide a basis for the emergency personnel to take your friend in for treatment, but will be very helpful to the medical professionals evaluating and treating your friend. It would also be very helpful for you to provide the emergency personnal with the names and contact information of any other persons who may have knowledge of your friend's suicidal state.

I am going to tell you directly that at this point you have no other options remaining. You do not know how much sand is left in the hourglass, and some people who commit suicide are able to hide their intentions extremely well up until the very last moment.

You are in a difficult position. Bless your heart for caring so much about your friend. Now do what you have to do.

:hug:

[romantico]

24. My Thanks to everyone!

I don't understand clinical depression so I can not simply tell him I know how he feels, althought I can tell he is in alot of pain. I will tell him tonight what I've done & share with him the advice that was given. Hopefully it will bring him some comfort that total starngers care for his well being. It makes me kind of misty eyed that everyone here has been so kind & compassionate. I swear, I'm doing all I can & will follow up on this. Thanks to EVERYONE. The private messages have been heart warming & very helpful. He is not a religious person so I'm trying to keep churches out of it for now. I made one mistake. He is 63 not 65 so he can't go on medicade yet. Thanks again & God Bless you all for your kindness!!!

[Dangerously Amused]

27. Maybe print out this thread and show it to him.

Let him see that there are people out there he's never even met who care about him and want him to find relief from his pain.


**Hi Romantico's friend. I'm sorry that you are in such pain. Here is a hug for you from me :hug:

And here is as hug to your kitty from mine:

[SeattleGirl]

28. I have clinical depression, and before I got on medication,

things were pretty bad. One of the best, simplist explanations I read about it was that, while everyone has bad days, or bad things happen to them, a person with clinical depression starts spiraling down, and the cannnot stop the spiral. That is exactly how it was with me, and several times I got to the point where I just started sobbing for hours, feeling hopeless, feeling like there was no point in me sticking around. Thank God I was able to get help. One of my crying jags happened at work, and one of my co-workers had an appointment with a psychiatrist that afternoon. She called the psychiatrist, said she had a friend who was falling apart, and had them give her appointment to me. She put me in her car and drove me there, and I was put on medication. I will forever be grateful to that woman for what she did in helping me crawl out of the black hole I was in.

Bless you for caring so much about your friend, and blessings to your friend. I sincerely hope he gets the help he needs.

:hug:

[SeattleGirl]

26. DA, your suggestion to write everything down first is a very good one

It is much easier to have cogent, coherent thoughts when not in the middle of something like having a suicidal friend taken to the ER. And, as you said, any information Romantico can provide to the medical personnel will be very helpful to them.

[Dangerously Amused]

29. Thank you.

My prior occupation put me in a good position to prepare for such situations. :)


Glad to hear you have a handle on your depression, sweetie. :hug:

[SeattleGirl]

30. I'm glad too. It sucks, being that depressed.

:hug:

[YellowRubberDuckie]

25. Try to find a local NAMI.

(National Alliance for the Mentally Ill.) They will put you in touch with pro bono psychologists who will help your friend for nothing.
Duckie

[UTUSN]

32. 1-Is the house paid for? 2.If he's 65, he's got an income. 3.

It's cheaper to live in the SouthWest than in the Ease or the West.

[pitohui]

34. true he could get a reverse mortgage

i think it's this attitude of hopelessness that people are responding to and which needs to be dealt with immediately

then he can better check out his financial options

[pitohui]

33. some doctors will give sample anti-depressants

a low income friend of mine was getting his prozac from the doctor's stash of free samples

he needs to be FRANK w. his doctor abt his financial situation tho, if he is 65, he is eligible for medicare so he can SEE the doctor, he just needs the doctor to be aware that he has NOTHING to buy pills with

even situational grief -- mourning -- can be helped by anti-depressants and in these cases the pills often don't have to be taken forever, a friend of mine lost his dad and was able to be on prozac temporarily and get his love of life back

this is my urgent suggestion

[OhioBlue]

35. my thoughts and best wishes

go out to you and your friend romantico. Other posters have much better advice than I can offer. But I agree with other posters, if he is truly depressed, he probably hasn't actually checked into all of the options. He's feeling hopeless right now and one phone call that led to a dead end might justify no hope in his mind.

[CC]

36. Call here, 1-800-784-2433 suicide prevention is what

they do. Website is here http://www.hopeline.com/ They should have info on who you can contact in your area for help. They also understand that your friend may not be willing to call so do take calls from those that care.

Here is another one 1-800-273-TALK (8255) http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/