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1.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and says, "I didn’t even know they had lions in Brazil."
2.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and says, "They're going to make stupid jokes about this on the Internets for months."
3.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and says, "Were they black? I hear that they have blacks down there."
4.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"Oh wow!" the President exclaims, giggling.
His staff sits stunned at this inappropriate display, nervously watching as the President composes himself.
Finally, the President says through a chuckle, "That reminds me of a joke."
5.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians were killed."
"Oh," the President says. "That's okay."
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the unconcerned President sorts through his papers.
Finally, the President looks up and says, with confidence, "This is the American version. Robert De Niro will swoop in and rescue them."
6.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"Oh no!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and says, "What the hell were they doing in Brazilia, anyway?"
7.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"Oh no!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and says, "Send my condolences to the King of Brazil immediately."
8.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"Oh no!" the President exclaims. "That's so sad!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and says, "Do you realize that that's .61 more than the 2.39 children born to the average Brazilian woman as of 1995. Well do you?"
9.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"Oh no!" the President exclaims. "This is totally unexpected!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and says, "I mean, Don Juan didn't mention it when I met him at the bus station this morning."
10.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"Why the hell should I care?" the President barks.
His staff sits stunned at this callous display, nervously watching as the President sits, rubbing his nose.
Finally, the President says, "I told you before—I get my coke from Paraguay."
11.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."
At first the President says nothing, but his face quickly grows red and his jaw is visibly clenched.
"Mr. President," says an anonymous staffer. "Are you okay?"
He's fuming. "Do you know how many times I've heard about them damn Brazilians? Enough already!"
12.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians were killed."
The President reflects on this news for several moments. "Not again," he moans. "I just don't get it."
Rumsfeld glances uncertainly at the assembled cabinet. "Mr. President?"
Bush shakes his head sadly. "I mean, a 78-year-old millionaire I can understand, but they don't even have quails in Brazil."
13.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"So what?" snaps the President.
His staff sits stunned at this display, while the Commander-in-Chief glares at each of them in turn.
"Look," the President says. "Them New England states don't vote for me anyway."
14.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians died in Iraq."
The President reflects on this sad news for several moments. "Brazilians," he says at last. "Are you sure?"
Rumsfeld shuffles his feet slightly. "Of course, it's impossible to be certain. Heck, it's impossible to be certain of anything. Anything!"
"Well," says the President. "As long as you're sure."
15.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians died in Iraq."
The President reflects on this sad news for several moments. "Brazilians," he says at last. "Are you sure?"
Rumsfeld assures him that the information is correct, and the President quickly picks up the phone and calls his stockbroker.
"Buy me as many shares of Amazon.com as you can get!"
16.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians died in Iraq."
The President shrugs. "Them lousy Incas probably had it coming anyway."
Rumsfeld and the staff sit, unsure of what to say. At last an intern pipes up.
"Incas," she says. "That's Peru."
"Of course it's per me," snaps the President. "I said it, didn't I?"
17.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"Yeah, well," sighs the President. "That's how it goes."
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and says, "What do you want me to say? I don't speak Brazilian."
18.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing and concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians died in Iraq."
The President shakes his head. "Really, it's not that big a deal. They'll be fine."
Rumsfeld and the staff sit, dumbfounded by this callous display.
"I mean come on," says the President. "I've been waxed that way dozens of times, and it only feels like you're dying."
19.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying "Unfortunately, we lost three Brazilians in Iraq yesterday."
The President laughs and chides Rumsfeld for his poor understanding of the Iraq situation. His staff is stunned at this uncommon spectacle, since the President is typically so deferential toward his senior advisors.
"Don," he explains at last. "Yens are Japan's currency, not Brazil's. Heck, I don't even know if you can spend them in Iraq."
20.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
"That's six zillian boobies with no support," cried the Prez.
21.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying:
"Yesterday, 3 Brazilians were killed in Iraq"
"I think that there are two "L's" in Brazillians," notes the President.
"No," says Rumsfeld. "You're thinking of Llama."
"Well Hello, Dalai," sez the Prez.
22.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians were killed."
"Oh, dammit!" the President exclaims. "I hope this doesn't mean that I have to be King of Carnivale again. I still have razorburn from the last time."
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