Why Is Polygamy Wrong?

[Yavin4]

So, what's really wrong with having multiple spouses? In a sense, divorced people who re-marry, divorce, and re-marry are practising a form of polygamy, no?

[DS1]

1. Maybe figuring out which of your nine available holes you're going to

put your willy in that night

[LaurenG]

13. Jebus Mister

What, YOU can't take care of all of them? :spank: :rofl: Of all the men in the lounge...

[DS1]

19. Last time I tried there was a LOT of complaining about the order

:hide:

[LaurenG]

24. roflmao

:rofl: Ewwwwww, sloppy ninths! Good point.

[anarch]

2. same reason it's wrong to smoke dope

:shrug:

[Maine-ah]

33. umm

its wrong to smoke dope? :shrug:






:rofl:

[Ravenseye]

3. I don't think it is

You couldn't give me anything that would make me want a second wife, but I don't think it's necessarily "wrong". Either Polygyny (multiple wives) or Polyandry (multiple husbands) is fine, and both have been practiced in different cultures. Human relationships are complicated things and there really is very little that is 'normal'.

What you're descirbing is often termed serial monogamy and is probably one of the more common forms of human relationships formed. How is it different? Well I think the gyst of it is that even then you're only dedicating yourself to one partner at a time, as opposed to multiple ones essentially simultaneously.

Still big whoop. I've never understood the 'moral' objections to polygamy either. How adult humans decide to establish and maintain relationships between other consenting adult humans is really nobody elses business.

[Ariana Celeste]

4. Doesn't bother me.

Long as it's all consenting adults.

[ChoralScholar]

9. In the bible... there wasn't any retribution on

Abraham when he decided to boink his handmaiden instead of his wife.

[Radio_Guy]

17. Exactly

I'm probably a one-woman man myself. I say probably because I am unmarried and have yet to try multiples, but that's another subject for another time.

But if all are consenting adults, I don't have a problem with one women-multiple men, one man-multiple women, or even multiple women-multiple men. If five women and three men want to be married to each other and all live in the same house, what business is it of mine? It doesn't affact my family.

[LisaM]

21. Bingo. Consenting ADULTS.

The real problem is that it goes hand in hand, often, with child brides and subjugation of women.

[greatauntoftriplets]

23. What she said.

:thumbsup:

[Ravenseye]

27. Exactly

Polygamy isn't bad, it's the creeps who marry 14 year old girls who are.

Polygamy shouldn't be illegal, the abilty to marry a 14 year old girl in any way shape or form should be.

[blondeatlast]

35. Indeed, as anyone in northern Arizona can tell you. nt

[Squatch]

5. If one couple can have 17 CHILDREN

why can't 4 couples have 3 children each?

[BikeWriter]

6. Why do you hate America?

[TimeChaser]

7. If it's consenting adults,

why should it bother me?

[Patiod]

8. Have you been watching "Big Love"? nt

[Squatch]

10. Is that about fat chicks?

:evilgrin:

[Patiod]

42. Very funny. It's about polygamy.

One of the advantages of being on the road is that I get to see HBO!!!

[Magrittes Pipe]

11. It's not what I want out of a relationship, but if everyone's on board?

I'm not a big fan of criminalizing the behavior of consenting adults. I don't want to watch "Everybody Loves Raymond" either, but I don't think it should be illegal.

[anarch]

12. I'm gonna have to disagree with you there, friend

"Everybody Loves Raymond" needs to be illegal, as far as I'm concerned. :P

[Magrittes Pipe]

14. Nah -- watching the show is punishment enough.

[ghostsofgiants]

49. Maybe we should all force the cast and creators to actually watch it...

As punishment for inflicting it upon the world. Or would that constitute "cruel and unusual"?

[LynneSin]

20. I'll second that one

:banghead:

[Fleshdancer]

15. The only time I think it's wrong....

is when 13 or 14 year old girls are getting married. It just reeks of coercion. My belief is let consenting adults do what they want behind closed doors. I really don't care who's married to who or how many, just make sure no one is forced. Although I can't imagine divorce court would be very fun...

[miss_american_pie]

18. That's the point, I think

I don't personally think it's morally wrong as long as adults are involved, but when a polygamous family splits up, how would property, child support and visitation, etc. all be worked out?

[LaurenG]

16. Wrong?

I think it'd be too hard. I don't know what I'd do with more than one spouse. One is plenty for me.

[Oeditpus Rex]

22. Because if we let folks marry more than one person

then they'll want to marry a bunch of GOATS!



And what about the CHILDREN?

:cry:

[BikeWriter]

26. The kids?

:rofl:

[Sabriel]

57. That was baaaaaaaaad. n/t

[Radio_Guy]

31. If you can get a goat to say "I do"

and mean it, fine. Parrots don't count either! :popcorn:

[skygazer]

40. My dad has said it five times

And he's an old goat. :rofl:

[LynneSin]

25. It's not for me but if they are consenting adults

Doesn't bug me a bit either

[EstimatedProphet]

28. No, they're not

because in the case of people getting divorces, the relationship is still a 1:1 partnership in each marriage. In a non-monogamous relationship of any kind, there is no longer the 1:1 relationship, and that creates stresses within the group that don't occur in monogamous relationships.

However, if people still want to have that kind of relationship, it makes no difference to me.

[mongo]

46. Dude, don't knock it 'till ya tried it.

That's all I'm saying....

[EstimatedProphet]

47. Hey, like I said, if people want to, I could care less.

I'm just saying there is a different dynamic between polygamous relationships and monogamous ones.

[mongo]

72. Just teasing ya.....

And yeah, there's a different dynamic. Very hard for most people to hold it together.

[Nikia]

29. There can be legal and socail equality between partners

There cannot be such equality when more people enter the picture. Even if the group tried to have equality, what happens for example, when a husband is in a coma without a living will and his two wives are fighting over whether to stop treatment or not? There are also issues of divorce, inheritance, and parenting.
All socieites with polygamy had some kind of hierarchy. For example, the husband was the head of the household and his first wife (or favorite wife who he designated) was the head of the wives or in Tibetan polyandry between a woman and brothers, the oldest brother was head of household and the legal father of all children born to her. These arrangement would mean inequality. I know that many couples do have unequal relationships, but polygamy guarentees inequality.
If groups of people want to privately partake in polygamy it is up to them, but I don't know how the law would allow for it Any law that was inclusive would allow for arrangements that weren't really marriage but would give large polygamous groups big financial advantages. I know that some people have marriages that aren't really marriages but for financial reasons, but only being able to marry one person at a time limits abuse of it.

[Midlodemocrat]

30. *flame suit on*

I think it is wrong. I think polygyny (more than one wife) denigrates women. If it is a polyamorous relationship that is different, but I have yet to hear of a situation (and I did quite a bit of research on this getting my graduate degree) where the first, second, third wives were actually encouraging the old coot to get another, younger, prettier wife.

Polyamory is different to me, because everyone has an equal stake and say.

(and now, before you all completely flame me, I am taking my daughter to field hockey practice, but I will be back)

[LaurenG]

34. I was thinking polygamy = more than one husband!

Hell I can't handle another one! No flames here!


spelling: oops I'm dyslexic!

[Midlodemocrat]

38. More than one husband is actually called polyandry.

Polygamy is a general catch-all phrase for more than one spouse.

But, I'm with you. I can hardly handle the one I have.

[LostinVA]

55. Specifically the way it is almost always is practiced in the USA

It's abusive, controlling, sometimes incestuous, often sex slavery, and usually child rape. The practice on this continent, actually, is tied to known abusive religious sects (FLDS), and is very, very very twisted.

[Chovexani]

67. Heh

You might want to put that broad brush down before you get paint all over the carpet. Contrary to what the popular media portrays, group marriage is not practiced solely by insane, patriarchal Mormon cults. Yes, in those cases it's denigrating to women, but "regular" one-to-one spouse marriage is denigrating to women. Hell, marriage originated as an economic contract in a time when women were considered mere chattel, and love had nothing to do with it.

There are sexist asshole abusers in every lifestyle, but we don't judge monogamous marriage by the wifebeating, controlling assholes on Dr. Phil so why judge poly marriage by Tom Green and his harem of 14 year old child brides?

(In short: I think you need some education on this topic.)

[Midlodemocrat]

68. I was referring to polygamy, not polyamory

In a polygamous relationship, the 'wives' aren't in love with each other. Your particular situation might have you reading things differently than what is posted.

In a polygynous relationship, it is denigrating to women. And, your distaste for one on one marriage doesn't make it denigrating to others.

[NJ Democrats]

32. I don't have a problem with it either.

As long as it is consenting adults. I think it should be perfectly legal.

[blondeatlast]

36. It threatens my marriage!

Damn, first the race mixers, then the gays, now the polygamists!

How long til we sanction virgin sacrifice?

Deep:sarcasm:

[Laelth]

37. I have no objection.

But I know the Courts struggle with what to do with children and property when married couples split up. It would become vastly more difficult to adjudicate the dissolution of a polygamous marriage contract. Still, I'm sure the Courts could manage if they had to.

-Laelth

[no name no slogan]

39. What's wrong with it?

Hey, if it floats your boat, go ahead. Some people can make a plural marriage work. If you're one of them, good for you.

But it's not right for everyone. Hell, even one spouse was one too many much of the time I was married.

[Yavin4]

41. Serial Monogamy Is A Modern-Day Form of Polygamy

I really don't see a difference between polygamy and someone marrying different people at different times and having a series of families. All of the problems such as inequality, inheritances, etc. still apply.

[Iris]

43. I'd say it's fine as long as it doesn't involve some 55 year old "elder"

deciding God's telling him to marry a 13 year old girl.

As long as everyone involved is an adult who can make his/her own decisions than who cares?

[Coventina]

44. Depends upon what you mean by polygamy.

Polygamy has traditionally been practiced by patriarchal societies, with a few dominate males making most of the decisions for the community.

Women usually do not get to choose their husbands, their fathers or some other male responsible chooses.

It is a system damaging to both young women and young men. Young women are forced into sexual slavery, most of the young men are unneeded and driven away to fend for themselves.

The wives are in a constant battle for position, and rarely get along.

Now, if you mean a group of truly consenting adults, that is a different matter. But that type of stuff is usually lumped under "swinging" not polygamy.

[Benfea]

45. It's bad for society.

For every man who marries two women, one man will not get married at all.

For every man who marries three women, two men will not get married at all.

And on, and on it goes.

Even if you limit polygamy to the rich, it has a profound impact on a large number of people. It's one thing to choose to live your whole life alone, it is another matter entirely to force large numbers of people in your society to live their whole lives alone.

[Porcupine]

53. Exactly. It breeds social unrest and warfare.

The rich old guys (like in Utah) find constant reasons to send the young men off to fight elsewhere while they rope in young females. Young men who can't look forward to getting laid tend to look forward to killing somebody.

People marry for reasons having to do with power exchange as often or more often than "Love." Polygamy stacks the decks unfairly for the majority of young men and women.

[Orsino]

48. Nothing as far as I know.

The wrongness is an invented meme that happens to be really popular.

[Alleycat]

50. Why is it just the guy who gets more then one spouse?

Shouldn't the women get to have more then one husband as well?

I never really thought too much about it but a few of my first thoughts are:

-is there no jealousy?

-how does one person support all those kids? (I don't think the women get to work outside the home) and if they can't support them who does? Welfare? My tax dollars?

-WHY?

[Nikia]

51. From what I have heard in some cases

Is that at least one of the wives works. If she has children, another wife takes care of them. Some women are accepting of a junior wife or two if it allows her freedom to have a career and freedom from domestic duties. I read this regarding some of the polygamists in Utah and in some African cultures. Yes, there is usually jealousy. The husband usually treats one or some preferentially. I don't think that there can be equality in these situations.
I don't think polyandry and a traditional masculine world view are very compatible. I think in modern America, heterosexual men who would participate in such a relationship would be stigmatized as less masculine. It is one thing to swap wives. It is another thing to share one woman with another man or men, who she might prefer.

[Alleycat]

52. Well that certainly doesn't sound like my bag!

[cssmall]

54. Typically cultures that practice these practices fall into these bounds:

1) polyandry typically occurs when more men are born in a culture than women and the environment is damn near too harsh to survive. A lot of cold weather, mountain tribes maintain this practice to ensure that the next generation of children moves on. Example: if a woman has two husbands and is pregnant, both men care for her during her pregnancy and if ones dies there is a backup to protect the woman and child during this specific time frame.
2.) Polgyny typically occurs as a social or cultural status. In most cultures that practice these ideas, only the very powerful are able to marry more than one wife. (No offense to Mormons here) But, if you look at who at the most wives in the early LDS church is was Smith, Young and others of the inner circle; hence those with the most power.

One results from dire necessity, the other from reinforcement of social status.

[CanuckAmok]

56. One should be enough. It was for me. One too many, actually.

Anybody who endorses polygamy must be a masochist.

[Left Is Write]

58. As long as all parties are adults & agreeable, I don't think it IS wrong.

It's not my bag, but I don't try to decide love and relationships for others.

[greatauntoftriplets]

59. Question for women who have responded to this thread....

If your husband wanted to bring in a younger woman to be his second wife, how would you feel?

Jealous? Unloved? Unnecessary? Happy? Relieved? Needy? Who cares?

[miss_american_pie]

71. Hell I want a wife

Seriously though, I'm not interested in any third parties being involved in any aspect of our marriage, but it's not my place to make those choices for others.

[In_The_Wind]

60. Perhaps being polyamorious is better.

The love goes on and on.

[Chovexani]

61. After years of serial monogamy, I've just decided to be poly

It's certainly not for everyone, but it just makes sense for me.

[In_The_Wind]

62. Being polyamorious is more relationship-work than serial monogamy.

In many ways it's easier and far more rewarding. I've been a serial monogamist since 1974. My old lovers became my friends.
I've been married for 11 years, 7 of those years were married_in_name_only (MINO), we share the same home and supper table but nothing more. We both started dating again about 4 years ago.
We also share our home with another of our friends. Over the past 4 years we have become a family of choice.

:hi: It is nice to meet you, Chovexani.

[Chovexani]

63. It happened quite by accident for me

(Don't these things usually, though? :D)

I was always one of those open-minded but "I don't think I could handle it" types, until I met the current woman I'm interested in, who is in a triad with two others. The whole concept is very new to me, and it's completely fascinating how your whole perspective changes. It just feels far more natural to me (I admit to having issues with fidelity in past relationships). We're going to be sharing a home pretty soon (typical lesbians, lol).

Nice to meet you too. :hi:

[peacebuzzard]

73. Hi Chovexani!!!

(yikes, tried to post a pic but need to resize)

[liberaltrucker]

64. Nothing wrong about it

My wife, my lover and her lover are best of friends
:toast:

[NMMNG]

65. As long as all involved parties are consenting adults,

I don't see it as wrong. But that's just my opinion. :shrug:

[LostInAnomie]

66. It would be a way to distribute wealth more widely.

A wealthy guy who has 10 wives and 35 kids would have his wealth distributed a lot wider when he dies than a man with only 2-4 kids. It's a fool proof plan. It appeals to the vanity of the rich, and it allows them to willingly un-entrench their wealth.

It would also help out the less attractive women of the world. With all the ultra rich and ultra attractive men snagging up all of the models and actresses the average dudes have to lower their aim. It is a sort of aesthetic trickle down effect.

[Strong Atheist]

69. It ain't. nt.

[NNadir]

70. It lacks intimacy I would guess.

I have no interest in such a thing.

I would never wish to share my wife with another husband, nor would I want to share my attention to her with another woman.

Others can do whatever they wish, but I find it very unappealing.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

74. Because I have a hard time dealing with one husband.

What the hell would I do with more than one?!

But that's me. I don't really care whether someone else chooses to have multiple partners or not, as long as my tax $ aren't subsidizing their brood.