My ex-husband has terminal cancer -- just turned 70 on 3/23 --

[Radio_Lady]

He's been given six months to live.

I feel like I've been hit by a truck. We have two beautiful adult children together and four grandkids. I loved the guy for eleven years and married for nine of them.

Peter, I wish you the best palliative treatment you can get. Hug your wife and stepkids. They love you too.

Good night,

Radio_Lady

[dolo amber]

1. Awww, bless

:(

:hug: for you and your family, R_L.

[tibbir]

2. I'm so sorry to hear this.

I'm sending my best thoughts your way as you go through this.

[UrbScotty]

3. Hugs

:hug:

[GOPFighter]

4. Cancer is a damn ugly word

I really feel for him, and you. Best of luck to your ex and I wish for strength for you.

[SeattleGirl]

5. I'm sorry to hear that, Radio Lady

I will send good thoughts to Peter, his wife, all the kids, and to you, too. :hug:

[johnnie]

6. I'm sorry to hear this

:hug:

[KitchenWitch]

7. I am so sorry

Be there for your children and much love to you all!

[u4ic]

8. I'm so very sorry

I hope the rest of his time left is full of love and peace. And pain free.

[CottonBear]

9. Hugs to you and your husband and family.

:hug:

I am so sorry to hear of his illness. Please know that my thoughts are with you all. :hug:

[Radio_Lady]

10. Everyone, thanks -- I'm trying to help my adult daughter with arrangements

to visit with her father on the East Coast, perhaps for the last time. I'll have to anchor her home and the two grandkids, ages 5 and 8, for the days she is away; my son-in-law and the kids stay here in Oregon. My daughter also has other commitments and travel connected with her company's business.

I haven't spoken with my son in Utah about any of this yet, although my daughter has updated him on everything. Perhaps he will also want to make the trip to see his father. My son didn't have a very good relationship with my ex-husband and his wife; however, perhaps a final visit would help put them all at peace and accepting of the end game.

Both of our children may also want to show up in Vermont for a final funeral or memorial. The travel arrangements alone are daunting -- fly from Oregon and Utah through Boston, I guess, to Burlington, Vermont, and then driving to South Hero, Vermont. By the way, we're not talking about children who have a lot of money to spend on travel, either.

This is all so hard. Everyone in my wedding pictures from 1963 -- former mother-in-law and father-in-law, friends, relatives -- looked so happy and healthy. A few decades later, the picture has changed so drastically. His father and mother as well as his aunt, and my mother and father -- all dead in their 60s or 70s. My first cousin on my mother's side who was my maid of honor is now in her late 50s and suffers from schizophrenia. My other cousin in New Jersey is in her 70s and struggling with Parkinson's disease.

"Life is brief and then you die..."

I'm trying to look for the light at the end of this particular tunnel... or any of the rest of life's tunnels.

In peace,

Radio_Lady

[CottonBear]

15. Radio_Lady: be strong. I have no other advice.

My father died when I was 17 and three of my grandparents passed by the time I was 24. I was too young to realize what had happened.

Be there for your family and take time for yourself. Spend as much time with him and your family as you can.

Cry, love, hug, cry, hug and tell your children and family that you love them and tell your children how special their dad is.

Peace, CB :hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

11. My dear Radio_Lady.......

I am so sorry....:grouphug:

[Ptah]

12. . . .

[Radio_Lady]

17. Ptah, your photo reminds me of the song "Wichita Lineman" --

I alway liked that song.

Who sang it? John Denver?

On edit: Oops! Glen Campbell.

I am a lineman for the county and I drive the main road
Searchin' in the sun for another overload
I hear you singin' in the wire, I can hear you through the whine
And the Wichita Lineman is still on the line

I know I need a small vacation but it don't look like rain
And if it snows that stretch down south won't ever stand the strain
And I need you more than want you, and I want you for all time
And the Wichita Lineman is still on the line

[Ptah]

18. I know the song, I can hear it in my ear,

Can't recall .

I'm glad you enjoyed the photo from my back porch.

[Radio_Lady]

20. Well, that one looks like the Universe's back porch!

Here's our back porch -- the first and only snowfall this winter in Portland (March 9, 2006).

It was gone the next day.

[MrScorpio]

13. I'm so sorry, Radio Lady

Here's a hug for you :hug:

[Crazy Guggenheim]

14. Sorry to hear about that.

:popcorn: :popcorn: :popcorn:

[Shine]

16. Sad news, indeed, Radio Lady.

I am a hospice volunteer and cannot say enough good things about that organization and the incredible support they can offer families.

I hope Peter has the opportunity to make peace with the life he has had and share as much Love as he can before he goes. Healing comes in many forms....Blessings to him on his journey.

My love and light to you, my friend. :hug:

[Missy Vixen]

19. Radio Lady, I'm hoping he has the best care possible

Bless you for being such a kind and loving person.

Julie

[Ptah]

21. Here are some images that I hope lift you:

[Radio_Lady]

23. Thanks so much, Ptah. Gorgeous photos.

Are these from Arizona?

Rest well tonight, my friend.

[Robeson]

22. I am so sorry...

...:hug:

[applegrove]

24. Sorry.

[riona]

25. I'm so sorry

From what I've seen of the DU'ers, they will be there for you both every minute. Peace.

[blondeatlast]

26. We wish you both the best as well. Lovely to hear you still care, too. nt

[curlyred]

27. my ex died just before Christmas

He was diagnosed with liver cancer a year ago. We were married for 18 years and have two children. We both remarried and moved on, but it is hard to lose part of your past.

Hospice is a wonderful thing to make those finals months comfortable and I hope his wife takes advantage of their services. She has a long six months ahead of her.

[Radio_Lady]

32. I appreciate your comments, curlyred. My daughter and son are

making plans to go there fairly soon -- probably together -- perhaps in May 2006. Their stepmother has told them he has four to six months, and she saw the pictures of what they found in the operation. He is riddled with cancer.

They live in a small Vermont town. I have no idea what his wife will do, or if hospice is operating there. I'm just glad she has her biological children living in the same state. She has had a double mastectomy and reconstruction herself several years ago, so her physical past has not been an easy one, either.

Thank you again.

In peace,

Radio_Lady in Oregon

[bigwillq]

28. What awful news.

I am sorry Radio_Lady. :hug:

[Radio_Lady]

33. Last night, I lit a candle of peace for him both in our home and

at the www.gratefulness.org Internet site.

I sent along a copy of the link to his email address. Apparently, I understand it was received this morning.

My ex-husband has never really accepted me after divorce in the 1970s. Things were very strained then and continued to be even after my remarriage. However, over the years, my two husbands managed to work out a good relationship between themselves when I was not present. (Go figure...)

I used to say that my kids' stepmother might have been my friend -- in another life. She was bright, pretty, a talented pianist with an operatic voice, divorced from a very wealthy man and supportive of my ex-husband after his mid-life career crisis.

Here's what I wrote about our extended family in happier days:

http://bonusfamilies.com/modules.php?name=ExtendedFamilies&func=show&articleid=174&articlepage=1

Thanks, bigwillq.

[NNadir]

29. Condolences to your family.

[fortyfeetunder]

30. I can understand

and offer you my sympathy :hug:

[miss_american_pie]

31. My sympathies

to your family. :hug:

[Radio_Lady]

34. I have tears in my eyes because of your generosity and kindness.

I am overwhelmed. It's a little like living in a small community, I guess. We meet at the country store, or in the park in the middle of town, or you come by my house to offer your condolences.

Except it's in cyberspace, and I don't know most of you by your real names or where you live, or why you are prompted to be so willing to write your message to someone you don't know about someone else who is so ill. This is especially poignant, because I have no siblings to share with, and neither does my ex-husband. (Only children who decide to marry each other, please take note!)

This day has been filled with telephone calls and past and present planning and tears and advice of all types and kind gestures. Would that it were something more than birth and death that brings us together.

Here, there is. It's politics -- but there is so much more!

In peace,

Radio_Lady

[RFKHumphreyObama]

35. My thoughts, prayers and best wishes go out to your ex-husband

And indeed all his family including your children and your grandchildren. And also to you and your family during this difficult time. You are all in my thoughts and prayers :hug:

[Radio_Lady]

37. Thanks for this post, socialdemocrat1981 -- have a good week!

[Catchawave]

36. {{{{hugs}}}}

I know that "hit by truck" feeling :hug: For you dear Radio Lady:

[Radio_Lady]

38. Cheese and crackers, too? You're a great host! Thanks --

[BikeWriter]

39. My wish is that your children can grow closer to him...

in this remaining time.

[Radio_Lady]

40. Yes, that could happen, too. They were barely toddlers when

we divorced, but the judge barely looked at us. "Minor children ages one and two? They go with the mother," and rapped his gavel. My ex-husband was ordered to pay me child support, which barely covered my mortgage payment.

He remarried the next month and moved into his new wife's luxurious home, and began to live with her children, ages 9 and 7 years old. I moved to Boston to take a job, taking my kids and dog. I met a widower who had lost his wife to cancer, leaving him with three older children. We put the five children he had and my two kids into every level of the school system in September 1972 and married in February 1973.

In the summer of 1980, I landed in the hospital with a difficult pain management problem. I asked my ex to take the kids until I felt better. He said the only way he would do it is if I signed over full custody to him and paid him child support. The children were then 11 and 10 years old, and they moved into his home in Vermont 120 miles away. I became the visiting parent until my kids graduated from high school in the late 80s. They moved back to our home immediately.

In 1981, I was a guest on local radio and my story was printed in the Boston Globe newspaper on Mother's Day 1981. That led to a national appearance on the Phil Donahue program from Valley Forge, PA. The subject was "Mothers Without Custody" -- I received so much mail from that and subsequent appearances that I founded and became the first person to lead a national support group for mothers who did not live with their minor children for any reason. The group ran for years in various parts of the country. I know that there are now websites for non-custodial mothers to share their stories.

I honestly wish it had gone better for him and his second wife. They lived in a rural place and they both worked outside the home. Her children were already grown. I know they both tried their best. For the second wife, raising stepchildren at any age, especially through adolescence, is not an easy job. (I've been there.) Later, as expected, I'm sure her children ended up physically and emotionally closer to her and my ex-husband than mine were.

Anyway, we are all pulling for our children to at least have some time with him this summer. Their stepdad and I have urged them to do it and the plans are in the works. Thanks for your post.

In peace,

Radio_Lady