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Ok I don't think I shared this much about me before but I used to live in Germany from the time I was 19 to the time that I was 23 - I lived there with my first boyfriend who became my fiance . At the time he was the perfect prince - it was so romantic . I felt like Cinderella - and the love was good and we became engaged ... he proposed to me while pushing me on a swing by the lake . Of course I said yes . We met when he was studying at my college while he was in the states . I visited him in Germany in 2000 and that's when we fell in love in 2000 ...
ok cut to 2002 things broke down - he became overpossesive , paranoid and abusive - yes he beat me up . He beat me up when I would not sleep with him - he demanded ( this is true ) sex anytime that he said so . I had no help - I was breaking down inside - a thousand miles from home I did not know what to do - should I stay here and lose my mind and possibly my life ? or do I go back home - Smartly enough in 2004 I went back home . I remember when he found out that I wanted to go back home , I was talking about it secretly over the phone with my mom trying to plan my flight back to the States - he found out - so he broke the only phone that we had upstairs in the house ( we lived in his parents house , who did'nt care that he was hitting me either , I had no one to turn to , so do you understand why I wanted to go home ? ) - when he found out that I had a flight , he beat the shit out me . And then wondered still why I wanted to go home - sadly in my heart I still loved the guy because I felt sorry for him ( he has a lot of issues ) He beat the shit out of me , slapped me , threw stuff at me , threatned to cut me - and at the same time I was trying to comfort him - I don't know why ... during my last week in Germany , things got calmed and we decided to take some time apart - I really needed to heal . We always said that maybe in the future we would meet again ... but during that time I healed myself and realized that I could not trust this guy anymore with my life and if we got back together and possibly married with kids , I did not want to put anyone else in danger ... so with the oceans seperating us , I moved on with my life and got myself together ... I told him that he was always my friend because I am just too nice of a person I guess ... but I needed to just heal - when he beat me up he killed any love that could be rekindled and I told him that .
Here is why he wrote me a bad letter : I think in his heart he still held on to the fact that one day he would have me back - but I fell out of love with him because I was loving him into a slow death - that's how bad he beat me up . Since the time that I last saw him , I have found a good job where I am rising , I am on medicine for my anxiety and depression and its working , and I have since had a boyfriend ( with whom I am no longer together but hey that's life ) - apparently he googled my name and found my " myspace " profile one day while he was on his computer . That's how he found out that I had moved on and that I had someone else . He called me " whore " and that he bet I probably have slept around with so many guys - this recent boyfriend that I had , I never slept with him - I am not that kind of girl - the only guy I ever slept with ? - was the ex fiance of mine who wrote me this bad letter . I moved on and I am a happy person - independent and he is not - and it hurt him - he told me that he feels like jumping in front of a car - another reason why I had to go - I can't stay with someone to make them happy while making myself sad - he read my blogs where I talked about my recent boyfriend's and I times together ( if only he knew that this guy treated me like crap too ... )
This ex-fiance of mine dug a little too deep and is mad because I moved on - maybe I was wrong in some kind of way but I told him that I did not love him anymore - he would never hear it . I had no choice but to move on and live my life for me ... I have this letter in my room where he has said some hateful things to me wishing bad things for me and more ... and I actually planned on visiting him in Europe during my vacation later this year because I still cared for him as a friend - but you know what - I am not doing that . This book has been closed - I should have closed him off completely ... he hurt me and now he finally hurts ... karma is a bitch .
I just needed to vent in a way .
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