Count 'em! CanuckAmok's lifetime traffic ticket convictions: 0 for 8!

[CanuckAmok]

Long-time DUers might remember my last brush with the RCMP, in which I was radared doing 100KM/h in an 80KM/h zone. That was three years ago, and before the cop even got out of his cruiser, someone blasted by at about 150, so he took of after them and forgot about me.

Well.... last year, I got a ticket in Victoria for not wearing a seatbelt. For the record, I was wearing it, but that's not the issue.

I was summoned to court today, to plead my ticket. I had planned a big defence and cross-examination (plus the constable who charged me was pretty hot, so I wanted to see her again), but when she and I were called to the Bench, she explained to the Judge that she had never received any paperwork on my ticket, and "didn't even know what the charge is".

Case dismissed.

That got me to thinking. In 20 years of driving, in Canada and overseas, I've had eight tickets for moving infractions. None of them...NONE... have led to a conviction. Why? Usually for some sort of beureaucratic mix-up like today's, or because the Constable didn't show up, or because I was successful in pleading my case (that only happened once).

So whoever the Saint of Careless Drivers is, he's watching over me.

And nothing beats the feeling of a dismissed court case first thing in the morning.

This calls for a celebratory sushi lunch!

[BikeWriter]

1. Be sure to knock on wood or you'll break your string of luck!

:)

[AllegroRondo]

2. Something similar happened to me

I was cited for running a red light, and driving without insurance. I had insurance, just didnt have the right card on me at the time, so I contested it in court.

When I arrived for my court date, the judge and prosecutor had no paperwork on my case at all, so all charges were dropped. Lucky me.

[billyskank]

3. Bah

I have held a clean licence for 12 years, and been driving about in my own car for nearly nine years, and kept my nose clean - until three weeks ago. I got caught by an automatic speed camera for doing 58mph in a 50 limit (speed trap placed 100 yards after the speed limit change from 70 to 50) and now will have 3 points on my licence (and 60 pounds to Gordon). :(

[Robb]

4. What the hell's a KM/h?

Is that like a looney? :D

[MadHound]

5. That's cool and all, and I'm happy for you

But have you ever gotten away with carrying dope into the police station, and then disposing it there? I have:evilgrin:

Back a quarter century ago during my misspent youth, I went to the laundromat for the weekly washing. While I'm there, a bud comes up and invites me to breakfast at the IHOP nearby. I told him that I didn't have money for that, but he said he would cover the cost.

Well, we sit down and woof up a big breakfast, and when the time to pay up comes along, well, that friend of mine pleaded poverty. Being royally pissed off at him, I told the manager to hang on to him, I would go home(just two blocks away) and bring back money. Nope, he was calling the cops. OK, let me use your phone, I'll call a friend who will bring money. Nope, manager is calling the cops. Damn, well, I'll just get a misdemeanor ticket and be on my way. Which was a good thing, since I was carrying a loaded covered pipe at the time.

Police come, takes us out to his car, and runs the usual background check on us while filling out a ticket. And damned if my name didn't come up wanted for a bench warrant on a bounced check I knew nothing about. I'm going downtown, and am a bit freaked now.

Luckily, the officer who responded wasn't a complete ass, was rather nice about the whole thing. Didn't do the pat down routine, nor cuff me. Just drove to the police station, and left me alone in his office to make the neccessary phone calls. Which is when I perceived the perfect opportunity to ditch the pipe. Which I did, wiping away incriminating fingerprints, and pushing the pipe down as far as I could into the very full trash can.

I made bail a couple of hours later, and was very happy to be a free man walking the streets again. Retrieved my clothes from the laundromat, went home, and was very happy not to have been busted. But I'm sure some janitor got a suprise that night. I'm just glad they kept it to themselves.

[CanuckAmok]

6. My pal Roger...

Once when I was on leave back around 1993, I went to visit Roger, who is probably the world's biggest Hunter S. Thompson fan. He happened to be celebrating the legal execution of his divirce that weekend, and by the time I got to his place, around midnight, he was staggering drunk. Plus, he and two other friends had been smoking pot and doing mescaline all day.

But he and the boys HAD to go to Buffalo, and since I was the only one not impaired, I "volunteered" to drive them. I stress that under no circumstances is anyone to bring any drugs, because I would have my (rented) car seized if they did.

So we get to the US/Canadian border, and I'm the only one of four people not completely fucked-up. The border guy looks at us and is like, "oh, boy". He askes to see our IDs. Three of us manage to produce IDs, and Roger spends about five minutes rumaging clumsily through his wallet. He finally produced a fucking library card; it's all he had on him.

Strike One.

So the Border guy asks if any of us have a criminal record. "No." "No." "No." "Um...not really...".

Strike Two.

The border guy asks Shawn one of the other guys, what he meant by "not really", and shawn explained this conviction he had for public intoxication like ten years earlier.

The Border guy gives us the "yellow slip", which means that our IDs are seized and we have to report to the US Immigration Office at the border point.

So I'm pretty pissed off at this point, but not truly angry. Then I look over at Roger, who's babbling on about wolverines and drooling on his jacket, and I see a big bag of pot that must have fallen out of his wallet and into his lap when he was looking for ID.

If the border guy saw the bag, we're fucked. If he didn't see it, we have to ditch it.

So I tell Roger that he has to get rid of the pot somehow, and we decide that he'll flush it in the washroom. "No", says Shawn, "they have mesh traps in the drains, and they can see if you've flushed. He's going to have to eat it."

So we tell Roger to eat it, and he agrees. He eats the whole bag of pot, including the plastic bag itself.

I'm freaking for other reasons, too, like the fact that if they find my military ID, they're going to call my commander, and as I didn't have express permission to leave the country, I'll be in the doghouse fo' sure.

We walk into the office, and get interviewed by the Border chick behind the counter. Roger keeps saying he has to go to the bathroom, and the Border chick keeps telling him no, that he has to wait until we're released. I'm figuring that he's probably going to puke, and what will appear will be a bag of semi-digested marujauana.

So she takes all our info, and does a criminal record search on us. The only thing that comes up, eventually, is Shawn's PI conviction. She says, "what's this about?", and he replies that he got caught pissing on the outside wall of a nightclub in Niagara Falls New York, and then later in the police car.

So she's all like "uh, huh...". She detains is for at least an hour while waiting for other info on us, and the whole time, Roger's all like "I GOTTA PISS!!!", and wandering around the office holding his crotch, and generally being an asshole.

Eventually the Border chick gets sick of his whining and says to go right there and come right back. Roger goes outside to the washroom in the adjoining building.

About another half-hour passes, and no Roger.

Border chick says, "Well, you guys can go, as soon as your friend comes back".

Another fifteen minutes, and still no Roger.

Finally, don't ask me why, she just tells us to leave, and that we're free to enter the United States.

We walk outside, wondering whatever happened to Roger. I figured that maybe another Border guard caught him doing something fucked-up, and arrested him. I figured he was in some other gulag, being beaten or cavity-searched the whole time.

But, no.

We turn the corner to where I parked the car, and there's Roger, laying face-up on the hood, and laughing his ass off.

He's all like, "hey, where were you guys?! I've been waiting here for about ten minutes!" It was actually closer to two hours.

But, we made it, so there was nothing left to do but try to race to the bar for Last Call. By the time we got there, Roger looked like a Dali landscape, and he was completely out of control. Many, many people were offended on many levels. It was surreal.

But that's a story for another day.

[RedCloud]

7. I once had a hurricane repellent shirt.

It was 8 for 8 too.

Now it is 1 for the last four.

:cry:

[HEyHEY]

8. In B.C. always remember

Don't point out the officer's mistakes until after the prosecution has rested its case.
Because, for example, if they wrote your name wrong on the ticket and you point it out before hand, the officer can say, "Yes, I made a mistake - it should read (insert proper name here)."
And that is acceptable in court.
But, wait until he's rested his case, then stand up and say, "That's not my name."
Boom, you get off.

[CanuckAmok]

9. yes, I did that in Port Alberni

They had my address wrong, and that caused the summons to be late. I waited for the cop to lay his case, and then I said they had the wrong address and it was just chance lucky for the Crown that my mailman is dilligent.

Case dismissed. Judges don't like having Court Officers wasting their time :)


PS... nice puff piece today, btw.