Can I get some new neighbors? I'm so bad with conflict.

[LynzM]

So, our "front" neighbors, the ones whose house you can see right in front of our house and right on our driveway, and the ones across the street in the yellow house:


You can't see it in that pic, but the green-house neighbors have a habit of leaving all of their garbage all over their backyard/side yard, where it blows into our driveway. They also don't seem to feel it necessary to teach their kids not to leave stuff in our driveway, so probably once a week I have to stop as I'm getting ready to pull into the driveway to move a wagon/sled/rollerskates/whatever. :eyes: Usually, I just do it and don't care. Today, there was a "short" skateboard (maybe 12" long?) in the driveway, in the middle... instead of moving it, I just drove with my tires on either side, pulled in. Didn't touch the skateboard. I'm getting out of the car and I hear from across the street (from a dude who's probably... 18? 20?)

Guy: You want to buy a new skateboard?
Me: I didn't even touch it; it's not broken!
Guy: What, so you're just going to drive over it?!
Me: Well, maybe you should stop leaving stuff in my driveway!
Guy: Who the fuck are you?
Me: Um, I own this house... (probably shouldn't have said that, in retrospect)
Guy: Well you just watch your fucking van. Watch your fucking van.

And then the woman he was getting into the car with said something to him to the effect of "calm down," and they went zooming off... and then I got my daughter out of the car and came in the house and cried, because I hate conflict, and I hate feeling scared at my own house. I mean, the van is the van, they wanna smash it, I'll call the cops, and it's probably all talk anyway, but.... oy. And I can't even tell between the yellow house and the green house who actually lives where (probably 15 different people back and forth between the two all the time), so I have no idea who the guy was that actually did all the yelling at me.

Oh, and we went to a friend's house tonight for dinner, and I was telling her about it a little, and my daughter (3.5) says to her "yeah, there was a fucking skateboard in the driveway," all nonchalant. :rofl: and :banghead: at the same time!

I. Hate. Conflict.

[barb162]

1. Sounds like my neighbors

and I am about to file a police complaint very soon so that Officer Friendly gives them a friendly talk, explaining trespassing to them and about their kids and dog. I am done talking to them. It's amazing how some people sort of "claim" your property, isn't it?

[LynzM]

2. Yup, it really is.

I mean, ours is sort of a flag lot, but... it's my driveway. End of story. Don't leave your stuff there, and teach your kids not to. I feel for those kids...

[Redstone]

3. Tell him your husband handles stuff like that. Seriously.

And send your husband out to talk to the punk. I bet he'd back off quickly.

Failing that, do one of three things (also serious suggestions):

1) Completely ignore him. Trust me, this works.

2) Reply to him in German.

3) Ask him if he wants to come over and TAKE the motherfucking skateboard if he's such a hard-ass motherfucker, or is he afraid to get his sissy ass kicked by a girl...then pick up the skateboard and hit him REALLY HARD, square across the face with it if he gets within three feet of you. Hey, he's on YOUR property.

Redstone

[LynzM]

4. Ooh, I like those....

I can't manage #1, and I know it.

#2 is funny, and I'll keep that in mind for the future!

#3... tempting. Veeeery tempting. Stashed away for future insanity. Not sure I'd have the guts to do it, but I bet it'd feel damn good, whatever the outcome.

As always, thanks for the advice, dude :hug:

[Dora]

60. #3! #3! #3!

I guarantee you it will be the most effective. You wouldn't even have to hit him with the skateboard, just act like you're going to, and act like you mean it. Get crazy on his ass, fight fire with fire!

[Whoa_Nelly]

5. Get a really big garbage can

Every time something like that is left in your driveway, it goes in the trash.

They threaten you, you call the police.

Pretty simple.

Sorry you feel threatened in your own home, on your own property. :hug:

[Redstone]

6. That's perfect. That's what she should do.

100% on the right side legally as well.

Redstone

[LynzM]

8. Thanks, Whoa_Nelly

I appreciate the suggestion, and the hug!

[Kerrytravelers]

12. Excellent Toss all their shit away. I'd do that.

What can they possibly say if all their shit is on your driveway?

They're trying to intimidate you. If they see that you're not scared, they will just back off.

Stay strong and don't be afraid.



Best of luck,

kt

[LynzM]

13. Thanks, KT

I can put up a good front for a good minute or three before I have to go run away and cry ;)

:hi:

[Kerrytravelers]

16. Hang in there.

:hug:

[WolverineDG]

55. Toss it or

save it up & either sell it on Ebay or at a garage sale. ;)

dg

[AllegroRondo]

63. "You left it in my yard, I thought you didnt want it any more"

Sounds good to me.

[Oeditpus Rex]

7. Call the police now

Or in the morning, if there's no citizen officer on duty after 5 p.m. Tell them what happened. That way, if something does happen to your van, they have the threat on record.

[LynzM]

9. I was wondering about that...

I mean, can I call to report something as minor as that, really? From a person I can't even really identify? I've never done that before, so I don't really know...

[Whoa_Nelly]

10. Yes, you can do that..and it's not a minor thing

when someone threatens you and your personal property. It's a promise of future assault.

[Oeditpus Rex]

19. It's just to get it on the record

You're not reporting a crime, but you are reporting a threat to personal property. If the asspipe ever gets in trouble for anything, somebody at the PD will pull that card showing he has some history.

[mzteris]

32. keep your video camera

handy, charged, and ready to go (or even a still camera) - just in case you hear something in the night, ya know?

[LynzM]

41. Yup.

No video here, but our camera lives in our room, which has big windows about 10 feet from where I park...

[Redstone]

11. Another excellent suggestion. They do have cops 24 hours where

she lives. The sooner she calls, the better.

Redstone

[LynzM]

14. I will call about it...

Better to have it on record unnecessarily than wish I'd called, right?

[Whoa_Nelly]

17. Absolutey right, LynzM!

They will take your statement about where the guy was and all that transpired.

For your peace of mind, for your future reference should you ever have another confrontation with the jerk, have it on record.

[bettyellen]

20. absolutely babe, because when a scene happens and you are forced to

call the cops, your asshole neighbors are going to blame you. he said she said. cops hate that shit,
and they won't know who to believe.
if there's a prior history, they'll be likely to treat you w/ alot more respect, and that dude like the scum he is.
just note the make model, location of the car and general description, you don't have to go immediately you know, if you need to get a better look, take note, just go soon. it's enough that you felt it was threatening, they have to take a report, they don't have to look for the guy or start shit, but they must put it on record.

[LynzM]

21. thanks, BE

Good points, duly noted. The car isn't there anymore, and it isn't one that routinely parks on that part of the street, as far as I know. But I can give a general description of both the guy and the car, so that's a start.

How's life? :hi:

[bettyellen]

23. oh it's one of them lovely houses where it's hard to tell who all lives

there? how fun for you guys.
life's pretty good. keeping busy. how are you and your cute little clan?
i been laying a little low. stopped smoking 4 1/2 weeks ago. stopped dreaming about it... last night.
one hopes. it's going to be illegal here in 2 1/2 weeks in bars. wooo fucking hoo!
:hi:
and the advice is from my brother, the sargent. they hate all this domestic squabling stuff...w/ neigbors or spousal stuff. they can't figure it out. ;)
best to clue them in early.

[LynzM]

24. Yup...

And hard as I try not to be judgmental, they offer me a hell of a lot to judge. Calling your kid a "little fucking-ass bitch" gets you NO points in my book, no matter who you are. Ugh. Yeah, the two houses you can see in the pic, I can identify four kiddos and one adult who actually live there, and other than that... no idea. Cool if it works for them, but when it starts messing with me/where I live... I stop being cool with it.

We're doing pretty well (other than this, today). Went to a wedding this past weekend, and I had midterms last week. The wedding was good and fun, and I'm glad to have all of those things off my plate. Ooh, pic here: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=4939215 Otherwise, more of the same, work and school and working on our house... still trying to talk Briarius into digging out a discus for you ;)

Good for you for quitting smoking; I can't imagine how challenging that is. Wow. :hug: Good for you. I didn't realize NYC was enacting a smoking ban... that went over like a few tons of bricks, huh?

[bettyellen]

25. well don't you and the mister clean up pretty? and your girl, my gosh

she grown. what a doll. when i was young my mom used to dress me up in fancy little dresses all the time. ;)
i didn't have a pair of jeans or sneakers till i was in fourth grade. this was the bronx, mind you, so that was pretty weird.
i'm in hoboken, on the hudson, so it's NJ that's going no smoking, but NY did it a few years back, and all the NYers were coming here to smoke. there was a huge spike in bar business from that. well, now they're gonna be screwed, LOL. yeah, there's just no where to hide anymore.
i'm also training tmy cats to use the toilet , so when i move into the mythical new apt, that'll be two less things that stank. that's the plan!
:rofl:
so yeah, tell your man, time to dust off that discus. :evilgrin:

[LynzM]

26. LOL, I'll do that ;)

We had fun dressing up, since we don't do it almost ever! :rofl:

That's crazy about your mom and the dresses... I'm amazed you didn't have sneakers for so long! Were you scarred for life? ;)

Why do I forget that you don't actually live in NYC? Ah well, eventually I'll remember that. We've been tossing around the idea of a day/night in the city at some point...

Where's your mythical new apartment going to be? LOL about the cats and the toilet. How's that working for you? :rofl:

[bettyellen]

27. to be totally honest i LOVED the dresses, i remeber them in vivd detail...

and the stigma wasn't bad.... i wore a uniform at school, and my neighborhood was going through a lot of transitions, people moved out quite a bit, so really you could reinvent yourself every few years. that's the beauty of growing up in a dense and everchanging enviornment, that's becoming sorta slum like, everybodys too distressed or high to judge! LOL!
i'm so close to NYC, it's kinda the same as brooklyn, we have a lovely all night train to manhattan, and tons of bars and resturants here so we don't need it. (hoboken)
who knows on the apartment. this year, i hope.
the toilet thing is going good. i actually have had to modify a sitz bath so it has a big ass hole in the middle and there's a little shelf / ring of litter they goof around with but 90% of their stuff is already going straight into the water. which is great, because Caindy is a smelly poop factory. and having two cats is a bit overwhelming to me. when i first got them they farted alot (it was the food- too healthy!!) and i thought i was going to die. it's all much better now. :) i'm glad, because the sense of smell has come back bigtime!

[Kerrytravelers]

15. I agree. Do it NOW.

Don't be afraid.

And remember...

[NV Whino]

18. continue to pick up offending items

throw them in the trash or donate them to the nearest charity that will take them.

"What skateboard, dude?"

[LynzM]

22. LOL, yup

I'm torn because a lot of times it's the little kids (oldest of the bunch is maybe 10, and a couple older girls?) who are leaving stuff around, I think. And it's not their fault that they haven't been taught to respect other people's space, or their own property. But at the same time, it's not really my job to teach them, or is it, the hard way? Dammit, sometimes I think too much! LOL

[July]

31. I don't know if it's a good idea or not, but

what about putting the skateboard (or other item that is not yours but is on your property) in the street? You have the right to remove it, I would think, and if you don't know whose it is, you can't give it to that person or ask him to remove it. What happens to it after that is not your problem. Of course, that could stir things up more . . . or make someone think twice.

[LynzM]

37. That's my worry, July....

I don't want to stir things up any more than they are, you know? And as much fun as many of these ideas sound in theory, I'm the type to just keep moving the stuff instead of trying to fix the problem, in case it makes it worse. *sigh*

[GoddessOfGuinness]

28. Call your town offices and register a complaint

They'll take care of it.

[LynzM]

38. I will call someone today

Thanks, GoG! :hi:

[grace0418]

29. I had a similar problem.

We lived on a street with tons of kids. For some reason they decided that they were going to play on our front porch during the day (the one house on the block with no kids, of course). So when I would come home from work, I would have to wade through a sea of barbie dolls, toy cars, blocks, etc. to get to my front door. First I tried talking to the kids, telling them that their stuff might get broken if they left it lying around. Then I tried talking to the moms I would see (I didn't know who's kids were playing there since it happened when I was at work, but I knew A LOT of kids were doing it). I explained that I was concerned about liability if their children were to be injured while playing on my front stoop. I also worried that I would injure myself trying to to carry groceries into the house. It was like I was speaking another language.

After a month or so with no improvement in the situation, I came home and it looked like a slumber party had been held on my front stoop. Honest to god, there were sleeping bags on the porch along with about 50 toys. That was the final straw. Starting then, whenever toys were left on my front stoop, I gathered them up and dropped them directly in the middle of the street. If the parents couldn't be bothered to watch their children and teach boundaries or responsibilty, I certainly wasn't going to worry about whether it got destroyed.

Within a week, the toys stopped being deposited on my porch.

While you probably should've spoken to your neighbors first, you owe them no apologies if they leave crap in your driveway. Don't beat yourself up. The guy was an ASSHOLE.

[LynzM]

39. Oh Lord, doesn't that sound like fun....

:eyes: What makes people think this kind of thing is ok? I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but glad that you got it worked out in the end :hug:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

30. Here's what you do:

Buy me a plane ticket (Coach is fine) to your city. I will come over there, and your hubby and I can pull an all-nighter outside your place while we wait for the asshole to come back.

We shall be armed with tire irons and various blunt objects. When we see said asshole, we will first attempt to convey how you and hubby feel about the situation.

If said asshole instead mouths off, your hubby and I shall be forced to beat him repeatedly with said blunt objects. If your hubby is set against committing bloodshed, this is fine -- I will take care of it. Said asshole won't mouth off again.
.
.
.
.
.
If my language has offended you, please forgive me. It's just that I can't stand people like this guy.

[Redstone]

33. Well, if you're willing to go to that much effort to help, I guess I have

to pitch in as and give you a hand, since it's only a 45-minute drive from here.

You mow 'em down, I'll stack 'em up.

Redstone

[Starbucks Anarchist]

34. Hell yeah!

:toast:

[LynzM]

35. Woo-hoo!

I'm so non-confrontational; stuff like this makes my stomach churn. But if you guys wanna have at it.... ;)

[Starbucks Anarchist]

36. Just remember:

You've never seen us before in your life. ;)

[LynzM]

40. Well, I *have* never seen *you*....

Least, not IRL ;) Redstone will have to be incognito :rofl:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

42. I started a pic thread a few days back.

Believe me, I think I would stick out in your part of the country. ;)

EDIT: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=4933009

[LynzM]

45. Well, hello!

Our town is about 1/3 Puerto Rican, probably 1/5 African American (if I had to guess)... You wouldn't stick out so much ;)

:hi:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

46. I'm Indian, but people might mistake me for Puerto Rican.

:hi:

[LynzM]

50. Yup....

Especially people who don't bother to actually pay attention, and lump people together. :eyes:

:hi: back at ya!

[Starbucks Anarchist]

54. Reminds me of something that happened to me awhile back.

Back when I lived in Texas, I worked as a telemarketer (don't ask) for a summer.

One day, while on lunch break, I was sitting at a table with some other people I didn't know. One girl turned to me and asked "what I was."

I said, "I'm Indian."

She exclaimed, "I knew it! All you guys have straight hair."

I laughed, then she followed up with (I swear to God):
.
.
.
.
.
.
"So what tribe you from?"

:rofl:

[LynzM]

64. OMG. OMFG.

(I worked telemarketing for a while, too. Ugh.)

:rofl: That's crazy... but, I mean, you *do* all have straight hair, right? :P

[SKKY]

43. I'm with Starbucks Anarchist on this, with on exception...

...I would confront him about it in a peaceful manner. Recording everything being said. Then, when he mouths off (And I'm sure he will), I would beat him to within an inch of his life. That way, you've got the threats as evidence. He can't prove you did anything, and he'll not bother you again. In fact, he'd probably go to great lengths to avoid you.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

44. Actually, we have the same position.

I may have worded it wrongly (I'm tired:)), but I would first attempt a peaceful resolution. If that failed and he mouthed off, then I'd go medieval on him.

[MissMillie]

47. The next time you find anything in your driveway

1) take a picture

2) pick it up and put it in your house.

[LynzM]

53. Hey MissM

:hi: Pictures is a good plan. Not sure I want their stuff taking up space in our (little) house, though!

How's life treating you?

[DS1]

48. Ahh, hothead fuckwits

Gotta love em :grr:

[LynzM]

51. Oh yeah, don't you?

Yet another instance of all hat and no cowboy with this one, I think. *sigh*

[DS1]

59. Probably still of a mindset that thinks women dig overt-aggression

[elehhhhna]

49. Pull out a big fat gun and say Are you talkin to me?

[LynzM]

52. LOL, don't you sometimes wish...

Life were a video game? Or a movie? :rofl:

[elehhhhna]

57. Yeppers. I'll admit I'm like you though--

a chicken-y make-nice at heart.

Put the stuff in the trash and send them a nice thank you note for the gifts every time they leave one.

Manners rule!

[rockymountaindem]

56. Attack pre-emptively

If we've learned anything over the past five years, it's that you've gotta trash his car before he trashes your van.

I'm sure the cops will understand once you explain how you just *know* he was going to slash your tires.

[Blue Diadem]

58. document, take pictures, call the police..

I think it's already been suggested but I just had to chime in anyway. Those are all things I was told last summer by our local police. He even suggested a big dog(which I got but not for that reason) and a security camera.

If I were you, I'd report the incident about the man saying that to you.

[jukes]

61. in most jurisdictions

this wd qualify as a "terrorist threat" a felony in most states now. keep a mini cassette recorder handy, state the time & date & possible identity on the tape every time you're threatened. these situations tend to escalate & eventually will become actionable; hopefully prior to any real damage. it's important to establish a record and a timeline for these incidents if you have to prosecute.

believe me, 1ce mom or dad has to shell out a couple of thousand $s for bail-bond on a felony charge, the harrassement will stop.

[cally]

62. Are you sure the driveway isn't a shared easement?

From the looks of it, you could both share that space. The neighbors are jerks but it changes your legal options if it's a shared right of way. You can find out at your county clerks. They have maps with the houses and property lines on them.

[LynzM]

65. I don't *think* it is...

AFAIK, it's our property, period. But I will make sure to check it out. I don't know much about easements, but there's no reason they *need* to use that space, and I thought that was the idea behind an easement. They have their own driveway on the other side of their house.