Is there a legal limit on what age you can put your kids up for adoption?

[hatredisnotavalue]

Warning RANT

I got an 18 soon to be 19 yo girl and a 17 yo boy.
The diva just got off a stellar performance in the school musical and isn't talking to any of us. In fact when her brother asked for the car keys to drive home yesterday, she told him she didn't have them even though she had driven the car to the school for softball practice.
So he called me for a ride home because she wouldn't give him the keys. I walked into softball practice and embarrassed her by asking for the keys to the other car, gave them to the son, and told him to drive the other car home.

Son is getting ready for SATs, daughter isn't speaking to him and she could really help him with the deal. Daughter also didn't get into the college she had hoped for although she doesn't know it yet. She isn't speaking to any of us, but, boy oh boy, would I love to belt her with the bad news right now. But I won't because that is juvenile. She had hoped to get into an Ivy League school, but didn't although she has gotten offers from some great school with lots of scholarship money.
I am getting so tired of being a parent. Sigh...Should I tell her she didn't get into the school she wanted just to knock her off her pedestal? She is going to find out soon enough, but at this point she needs the wind knocked out of her sails to bring her down a notch, I don't know.... what do you think?

[liontamer]

1. how come she doesn't know where she got into school?

[hatredisnotavalue]

3. I got an email from the school she wanted to go to

because she used my email address, they suggested that she apply for the second round in the application acceptance process because they had already approved the first round.

added a d to approve

[liontamer]

10. oh I see

well regardless of what you do with her, you need to tell her as soon as possible. Maybe forward her the email

[Taverner]

2. Sigh I feel your paibn

Even though my kids are 2 and .10 respectively...

[LaurenG]

4. Don't do it

It will be one of those things she will always remember, especially if she has her hopes up. She will need a safe place to fall. She's still at the age that she believes she KNOWS it all. It will hurt her enough if you tell her kindly.

You really won't feel good about it later, trust me.

[Flaxbee]

8. I agree - don't do it. One small flash of

satisfaction it might give you could really destroy her, and she's just trying out different personalities, seeing what fits. She's still a kid, even if she is 18, and the more confidence she has as a person the better she'll fare in 'the real world.' Women are always put down for being "divas" or "bitches" when they're really just standing up for themselves, not deferring to men or women, and being as cocky and arrogant as almost every young man is. If you tell her she needs to be more considerate, fine; you can tell her she needs to behave with dignity and kindness, fine, but don't smack her with something that really might devastate her - you're her mom, and she still needs you and humiliating her would not only hurt her, but probably you, too, in the long run.

Now, I'm not in your shoes and not trying to presume anything. I just think young women have a f*cking horrible time trying to grow up and be confident while being inundated constantly with sexual pressures, 'beauty' norms, etc. Let her experiment with some outrageousness. Some of the more 'outrageous' women in history have been the most memorable and successful ones.

[hatredisnotavalue]

9. I know that was the juvenille approach

I will wait and find the right time...but boy, oh, boy...I am so looking to start a fight with her...but I love her so much, I don't want to hurt her more than the news will hurt her. Thanks Ohioblues.

[Flaxbee]

18. my 18 year old niece is driving my sister wild...

parents and niece discuss and discuss and discuss stuff, and parents think everything has been resolved, then niece does exactly the opposite -- parents think niece is OK with living in the dorm her first year of college, then niece goes behind their backs to line up an apartment (after parents paid a downpayment for the dorm). I didn't mean to be a sanctimonious twit, HINAV... my niece is driving my sister wild with anxiety.

[Iris]

19. Do you think deep down she might KNOW she wasn't accepted?

Or, maybe the diva act is an attempt to cover the insecurity she is feeling while waiting for acceptance and/or rejection from colleges?

Hell of an age.

[Left Is Write]

5. You cannot give up an 18-year-old for adoption.

You can, however, tell her to shape up or support herself.

(I hear you - I have an almost-19-year-old who has diva tendencies herself.)

[YellowRubberDuckie]

6. I say tell her.

But do it after you tell her what a brat she's being and how tired of it you are. Stop being passive and knock her off her pedestal.
Duckie

[Shine]

7. I think you are offically freaking me out about the teenage years.

LOL!

As the parent of a 9 yr old girl and a 12 yr old boy, I am a bit daunted by all the horror stories of parenting teenagers. :scared: This is the year my son becomes a teenager. Yikes!!

So, no advice here, but you have my sympathies.

Good luck. :hug:

[hatredisnotavalue]

13. Thanks so much

Hugs accepted in five fold and back at you..What a ride the teenage years are!

[Lars39]

11. Take away her car priviliges for a few days.

The school-rejection is a totally different thing. Good luck. :hug:

[hatredisnotavalue]

12. But that penalizes the parents

I work at home, as does Dad, so that means we have to go pick her up at school, as well as the son, which means we have to drop everything and drive to the school. Right now, they are taking both of the cars, so they won't fight which leaves us with no car during the day. This is only for the next two months....but EE Gads!!!

[nini]

14. oh BS - being a parent isn't always fun

if you want her to learn a lesson take the damn car away from her and stick to it. YOU will be inconvenienced but too bad. It's YOUR job to discipline her. Sounds like the kids are in control here. Sorry to be blunt but you're making excuses for not being tough on them. They NEED you to be tough.

How far is school anyway? Make them take a bus or walk.


on edit: She needs to know she didn't get in that school - she has a right to know and you can't protect her from life's rejections we all have experienced. Sit her down and tell her so she can plan for another place. YOu don't have to combine letting her know about the school and any discipline she deserves for other behaviors.

[Katherine Brengle]

15. Don't do it out of malice -- you WILL end up regretting it --

Just sit her down and tell her exactly how she is making you feel and how innappropriate her behavior is.

She is an adult now--she should be acting like one.

But doing something childish to fight back will bring the level down, not force her to step up and grow up.

She needs to know, but not like that.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

16. Tell her gently...

And be there for her. But also express your concern about the way she's treating her family.

It's quite likely that her haughty behavior is a front for genuine insecurity.

[GreenPartyVoter]

17. Be positive about it. Tell her that her first choices of schools suggested

she re-apply for the second round in the most upbeat manner possible, stressing that it shows they still have an interest in her.

That'll knock the wind out of her sails yet still make you look like a supportive parent. (Which, of course, you are! :hug:)

[ashling]

20. I don't know, but I think Leviticus

has the rules on selling them into slavery. :shrug:

[hatredisnotavalue]

21. UPDATE!

All is good with the world once again. Daughter is speaking to me. Come to find out she isn't all that keen on the school that she wanted because it is too big and she would settle for a smaller school with more scholarship money in Boston. And while we are on the topic, she is not all that crazy about going to the big city after hearing stories from others and may go to our state university (maine).

In fact, her apprehension WAS paying the big bucks to a school she might now like. I haven't told her yet about the denial, but I am finessing it so she is glad the she wasn't accepted and didn't have to have that in the whole mix.

Thanks so much to all of you for your help!

[Xipe Totec]

22. Yes and No

After age 18 they can sign their own adoption papers so, technically, YOU can't put them up for adoption, but they can.

I adopted my oldest son in just such circumstances, so I speak from personal experience.

[trof]

23. I believe it can be done in utero.

But of course it's too late for that now.
;-)
Stiff upper, mom.
This, too, shall pass.
Mine's 34 now and the mother of a 4 year old.
Talk about karma.