What the HELL does this mean

[yvr girl]

my dear my first name is mike....moris is my father's name ok so how are you i hpoe you are feeling ok pls can you teel me more about you am here for you ok if thing work out i we be so happy for that so thing of me and no what you can do for me to make me happy...mike for you

RANT

This is allegedly written by someone whose first language is English. Why do people write so poorly on the Internet? Is there a whole generation out there that doesn't give a damn about spelling and making sense? /RANT

[no name no slogan]

1. so, you're going out with him, right?

Better bring a translator if you do :yoiks:

[yvr girl]

2. He lives in California

I don't think there will be any dates.

[LynneSin]

3. You know what it tells me - not to ever post a site on My Space

:D

[yvr girl]

10. There's a lot of chaff

Lots of it.

[NewWaveChick1981]

4. In a word, YES! :(

You have a whole generation of people who have/will have grown up using text messaging and IMs as well as email. Even if everyone used their spell/grammar check, it would still be a huge mess. If you haven't read it yet, you need to read Lynne Truss' book Eats Shoots and Leaves. It's a very literate explanation of how society has become extremely illiterate. The book illustrates your point exactly.

[yvr girl]

7. I've thumbed through that book

It's pretty good.

I had a summer (college) student one year. I asked her to email our contact in China regarding some merchandise we wanted to purchase. I had her copy me on the emails, so that I'd have a record of them after she left.

Her whole message was in lower case letters and had questionable punctuation. I told her you just can't write like that for someone who only has a basic grasp of English. I couldn't believe she would send a business email just like she was chatting with a friend.

[anarch]

5. translation:

My Dear,

My first name is Mike. Morris is my father's name, OK!!?! So, how are you? I am a hoopoe. You are feeling OK, plus canned tuna and ham have too much sodium in them. If things work out, I would be so happy. Thus think of me, and not of what you can make...this would make me happy.

The microphone is for you.


________

I had to use Babelfish for part of that.

[yvr girl]

8. lol

That was good.

[petronius]

30. "I am a hoopoe" is absolutely the funniest thing I've read today!

http://www.acnatsci.org.nyud.net:8090/research/vireo/hoopoe.jpg

Beautiful birds, too...

[LSK]

6. so are you going to Italy with him?

:popcorn:

[yvr girl]

9. Different guy

The good doctor is somewhat easier to understand.

I haven't even committed to dinner yet, never mind Italy.

[Whoa_Nelly]

11. In asking about a weather cube (scans for weather reports) on eBay

Since the seller didn't state whether it was actually in operating condition, I naturally emailed to ask. Here are the seller's responses:

I'm listing to it now, ready to use. Thanks

Well, that really didn't answer my question, and I assumed there was going to be an update to her selling page. But, to be sure, I wrote back asking what she meant by "listing to it now, ready to use".

In plain English, IT IS WORKING AND I'M LISTING TO WEATHER
SATIATION RIGHT NOW. THANKS

Listing to weather satiation! :rofl:

Aha! What she intended to convey was that she was LISTENING to the weather STATION... :think:

It's clear the seller does NOT know how to spell, much less being able to express herself using basic sentence building skills.

[Oeditpus Rex]

17. 'plain English'

That explains it. She was writing while in-flight.

Must've been a drop in cabin pressure, resulting in insufficient oxygen to her brain.

:rofl:

[petronius]

24. Considering that this person would have to fill out the shipping label

if you decided to buy the thing, I'd say your chances of actually receiving it are about zero...

[Whoa_Nelly]

28. The seller apparently used Spellcheck on her listing page

(or was that her LISTENING page :rofl: )

There were no errors on the auction page, so either Spellcheck was used or someone else writes for her.

I did buy/win the weather cube. And, since her auction page was written clearly, am HOPING she also uses the handy-dandy eBay label maker for shipping.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

12. i don't know

but i agree it is aggravating...i am careless about spellings/grammar when typing on du...but if i am writing to someone i want to go out on a date with, i try to make sense and use appropriate punctuation.

[yvr girl]

14. There's careless and then there's

unintelligible

[Tyrone Slothrop]

13. I hate to admit to this

But I have found that I actually like the fact that so many people use such poor grammar/spelling/what-have-you on the Internets. It makes it that much easier to filter out uneducated, sloppy and/or bigoted statements and arguments.

In the long run, I think it saves me a lot of time and frustration.

[novalib]

15. Shouldn't That Be

Shouldn't that be: "Is there a whole generation out there that doesn't give a damn about spelling and making sense?"

;-)

[yvr girl]

22. Clearly

I can't write and spell at the same time. I can't believe I wrote it that way. :blush:

[MissB]

16. Gah.

Run. Fast.

[hfojvt]

18. What I do not understand

is, if this is the case, people who can write better, such as say, myself, are not in greater demand.

I think they do not give a tanj about spelling because there are not alot of rewards for doing so. That dude Mike probably has a better job than I and a better love life.

[Maddy McCall]

19. Translation here:

my dear my first name is mike....moris is my father's name

Hi, yvrgirl. I think you should know that I am living in the shadow of my father, working at his business, living in one of his rent houses for free, and this whole internet dating thing is meant to either show him that he has no control of my life anymore, or to hurry up and get a woman so that he'll shut up about me being a middle-aged bachelor.

ok so how are you i hpoe you are feeling ok pls can you teel me more about you

What I really want to know is, since you'll be my future wife, do you have any diseases or chronic illnesses about which you should inform me? Of course, nothing excludes you from being my happy wife, but I just want to know up front. Oh, and how much do you weigh?

am here for you ok if thing work out i we be so happy for that

After two dates, you become my property, and if you should opt not to date me again, I will stalk you and generally just make your life miserable until you realize that your true happiness (and best interest) lies in a relationship with me, which will most certainly lead to marriage.

so thing of me and no what you can do for me to make me happy

You'd better start thinking right now about what you can do to make me happy, because, as we both know, my happiness is paramount to this thing working out. . . . . . . and it WILL work out.

...mike for you

Mike for you and only you. And you for me, and only me. Starting right now.


:D

[SOteric]

21. *LOL*

I had no idea you were fluent in Doofusese.

[Maddy McCall]

23. I'm grading freshman history papers right now....

I'm on top of my game.

:hi:

[TheBaldyMan]

20. are you sure he wrote Mike and not Borat ?

http://www.boratonline.co.uk/

Borat's Guide to dating American Girls

[Gormy Cuss]

25. I have a theory.

When writing replies to hot Canadian women Mike finds it hard to keep both hands free for typing?
:hide:

[yvr girl]

26. OK, now my brain needs to be sanitized

Thanks for that.

[TrogL]

27. He thinks in sound-bytes, just like Dubya

This reminds me of Bush-speak. I suspect that English is not his first language and he's grabbing sound-bytes from where ever he can.

Translation:

my dear

This is some sort of half-remembered endearment, possibly from the movie Casablanca.

my first name is mike

Probably a word-for-word translation from another language in which this actually makes sense.

....moris is my father's name

Digression. He needs something, anything to talk about.

ok

He realizes he's gotten off topic. He uses "ok" for punctuation.

so how are you
i hpoe you are feeling ok
pls can you teel me more about you
am here for you

These are random phrases shotgunned in the hope that something sticks.

ok

More punctuation.

if thing work out

Perhaps "if things work out" or in other words his shotgun endearments actually have a hope in hell of working.

i

Presumably "I".

we be so happy

This is a common meme in some cultures. This is a marriage proposal in a nutshell. Think of it as a verb like "lust".

for that

object of the previous "verb"

so thing of me

Presumably "think".

and no what you can do for me to make me happy

Possibly "think of me in the context of 'we be so happy' as opposed to 'make me happy' (code for sex)".

...mike for you

Love, myke.

[Rabrrrrrr]

29. It means that person is a fucktard shithole who isn't worth your time.