How do you prepare a turkey?

[XemaSab]

As in, how do you get the feathers off?

[AccessGranted]

1. I don't know - mine are always defeathered when I get them!

I would guess you just pluck all the feather off by hand - eeeew!

[XemaSab]

4. I've heard horror stories about hand plucking

Either you know how to do it, or you don't.

And I don't. :P

[Oeditpus Rex]

2. Call a pleasant feather plucker

:popcorn:

[leftofthedial]

3. maybe a glass of wine, some soft music

turn the lights down low


and then burn them off.

[zanne]

20. It's hard to prepare a turkey...

As leftofthedial said, wine and soft music calms them down, but once the priest walks in and begins performing the Last Rites, they get all panicky.

[flvegan]

5. Proper tongue technique

with careful attention to their feedback always gets the Feathers off.

I have no idea what you're talking about with this "turkey" thing, though.

[EstimatedProphet]

6. Skin it

You don't eat the skin anyway...

[XemaSab]

8. That's what I was thinking

And I was thinking that I could practice stuffing the skin, ya know?

[EstimatedProphet]

9. So you're taxidermy-ing the turkey?

(I didn't want to say 'mount'-this is the Lounge)

[XemaSab]

11. More like making a study skin

I had to abandon the thread because my mom FOUND the turkey and went nuts. :eyes:

[TreasonousBastard]

17. You CAN NOT stop there...

you have this dead turkey hidden somewhere in the house, unknown to anyone else...

your mother found the dead bird, and seems to think this is a problem...

Some of us require further details.

[XemaSab]

26. It was in the freezer

:shrug:

[TreasonousBastard]

29. And...????

[_testify_]

7. I think they get scalded.

Or super-steamed in food processing plants.

[NNadir]

10. First you let him pretend to be Governor of Texas.

Later you let him pretend to President of the United States.

Eventually his goose is cooked.

[DainBramaged]

12. Then you have Donald Rumsfeld giving President Bush

his daily briefing, concluding by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

[texas1928]

13. We serve it it's last meal and then offer it a blindfold and cigarette.

Then WHAM!!!! It don't know what hit it. Then you just start pulling.

[Blue-Jay]

14. I kick it around the yard until all the feathers fall off.

That helps to tenderize it too.

[Wapsie B]

15. The same way you would pluck any fowl.

Immerse it in boiling water to fully saturate the feathers. This should take only a minute, if that. Remove from wather and drain. Then start plucking.

[China_cat]

16. Dip it in boiling water

and start pulling. Repeat as necessary. And DIP, not soak. The idea is to loosen the feathers, not boil the bird.

When you get down to the skin (and plan on spending a good amount of time on this) singe the skin over an open flame in small areas at a time to get at the pin feathers.

Now, more important than getting the feathers off is getting the guts out. Be very careful that you don't break the gall bladder (attached to the liver) as you are gutting the bird. If you do you might as well go out and buy a Butterball because this one will be inedible.

[GreenPartyVoter]

22. Knew abut the boiling water but had no idea about the gall bladder.

[China_cat]

23. Yeah, it taints the meat badly.

[bertha katzenengel]

18. Well, first, you sit it down, and say, "Honey, remember that feast we've

always talked about? Well, you don't get to eat it . . ."

[riona]

19. leave that turkey alone!

[jukes]

21. get him some coffee

gently discuss the inevitability for all life to end. assure him that it's not personal and he'll be serving a higher purpose. play soothing music.

while serving a plate of cookies, slip the knife across from behind.

when his headless cadaver quits thrashing/ running around the kitchen, plunge him into boiling water. soak while you're mopping the bloodtrail.

oh, wait. that's how you shave a pig...

never mind.

[skygazer]

24. I generally start with a backrub

Low lighting, that way they can't see it when you slide your hands up around their neck and wring it.

After that, the feathers are easy.

[riona]

25. i'm trying to get something done around here

leave that poor bird alone!
:spank:

[jpgray]

27. Blindfold and cigarette

[laheina]

28. You were being too quiet.

I knew that you had to be up to something. ;)

[beyurslf]

30. I purchase them that way.

[Schema Thing]

31. I explain that "death is a natural part of life, and...."