Looking for advice regarding first love.

[nicktom]

This past week I have had a couple of things happen that reminded me of the first person I ever felt in love with. It was 35 years ago that I last spoke to her. I was 16, she was 14. Her family moved her 50 miles away from me and we wrote each other and visited when we could for about two years. Eventually we stopped corresponding and went on with our lives.

I have been married now for 28 years and have two great kids and am in no way looking to upset my marriage. But I recently found out that she lives very close to me and has also been married for over twenty years.

My question is this, would I be wrong to contact her in any way? I am just curious how her life has gone, would my doing so upset her? It is for purely nostalgic reasons that I am interested in touching base. I do not have a phone number but do have an address, should I write her? Looking forward o any advice DU'rs can provide.

[Floogeldy]

1. You could start sleeping with her.

Just don't tell anybody. No harm no foul. ;)

[WCGreen]

5. Here Here.......

Thee is nothing like a good romp to ruin innocent perceptions.....

[nicktom]

6. Not the kind of advice I was looking for. But thanks anyways. N/T

[Floogeldy]

7. Be careful.

She may have turned fat and ugly.

[nicktom]

9. You are way to helpful, thanks.

[KitchenWitch]

2. I would say, examine your motives very closely!

Re opening that chapter of your life, just to say hi, etc. could have an unintended effect on both of your marriages.

[nicktom]

4. I am not worried about the effect it would have on my marriage,

and since I have no idea what her marriage is like, considering she has been married for over twenty years I never really considered any marriage complications.

[LeftyMom]

3. If your wife doesn't mind, I suppose contacting her would do no great harm

to your marriage. However, it could be harmful to her or her marriage, if it's a bit shaky lately or he's insecure or something. Personally, I'd let it be rather than risk that.

[Shine]

8. If your wife is cool with it, I think it would be fine.

hey, it's been 35 yrs, afterall.

Just be mindful there are no mixed messages given.

My two cents....:hi:

Good luck.

[Floogeldy]

11. Thoughtful advice.

But on the other hand, a "threesome" is not totally unheard of in this day and age. Not that I have ever done that.

[nicktom]

16. Dude or Dudet, you are really missing the point.

[Floogeldy]

17. How could I be missing the point?

There is no point.

[nicktom]

26. Are you always this thoughtful? Just asking.

[Robeson]

10. You were kids then. The reality of now, may not coincide with what....

...you remember.

[nicktom]

28. That is exactly why I pose the question. n/t

[Robb]

12. Rule #1: If you wouldn't want your wife to find out...

...don't do it, because it's wrong. :D

[Fleshdancer]

13. that would be so cool!

It wouldn't be wrong as long as you gave your wife heads up first. I'm happily married with a kid too and I would be ecstatic if my first love contacted me. If I knew how to contact him, I would. That's the beauty of first loves...you never forget them.

[radwriter0555]

14. Ask your wife what she thinks. If she's cool with it, go ahead. If you

want to do it in secret, your motives are not honorable no matter how many excuses you make up.

You're bored. Your marriage is routine. You're looking to re-create those great first-love feelings -- but you need to do it with the woman you're married to.

Try some counseling to rekindle that spark in your marriage. You've got the rest of your lives together based on what you've built already. Don't throw it aside looking for something new, when you've got the best invested already.

So, instead of asking your wife if you can contact your first love, ask your wife to go to couples counseling instead. That way you won't be going to counseling to work through a divorce next year.

Good luck.

[nicktom]

15. Actually what I was thinking of doing was to introduce my wife to

her and her husband and family. Way before we were first "loves" we were friends. I think some people on this thread are over thinking my original question. I am not looking to get out of my marriage. My wife is well aware of her, it has never been a secret.

[Shine]

18. I think you've got a good plan. Have them over for a BBQ or something.

BTW, welcome to DU, nicktom! I forgot to mention it earlier. Glad you joined us...

:toast:

[nicktom]

19. Thanks Shine,

I have actually been here since 2002, but I rarely post.

[Shine]

22. LOL!! Ooops, my mistake. heheh.

wow, "rarely post", indeed. Well, I'm glad to have made your acquaintance on this fine night.

I just hit 6000 posts today, in fact, and I've been here 6 mos.

:eyes:
pretty pathetic, eh?


Yes, I'm addicted to DU.



:D

[Floogeldy]

21. Excellent advice, radwriter.

In the alternative, I guess there is always wife-swapping. ;)

[nicktom]

27. Try some counseling?

Are you serious? My marriage is not the issue. I was just looking for feedback on contacting someone I have not spoken to in over thirty years, how you can translate that to where I need marriage counseling is beyond me. Look I have no illusions of "gettimg back" with my first love, I don't even know her anymore. I think you are way over thinking this question. But thanks for your feedback just the same.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

20. I'll bet it would be a kick in the pants for her to hear from you!

As long as your wife is cool with it, it's all on the up and up and you really are only interested in how her life turned out, no harm!
Heck, if it turns bad or she gets the wrong impression, you can always go from there.

If she was 14, then she is now 42. I am sure her life is much different now and it probably wouldn't shake the apple tree unless there was some trauma or other event that you haven't told us about.

The only thing that would be wrong is if you A) had some ulterior motive B) weren't up front with your partner about the intent of the meeting.

[nicktom]

23. Hey nothingshocksmeanymore,

I am truly happy to touch base with you. I currently live in your old hometown in the O.C. Like I stated in an earlier posting I have been here (on DU) for a while. I also have connections with the No Doubt gang.

Actually my old friend is now 48 and I am 51 years old.

I have no ulterior motive, I was just seeking opinions from DU. Perhaps this is not the proper forum.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

24. I still live in OC

Gwen's aunt lives across the street from me...my mistake on the age thing...I added the 28 years you've been married...not the 35 years since you've seen her.

This is the appropriate forum for asking...just realize if you ask anything here...even "what color toilet paper should I buy" there's bound to be some aggro responses!

Anyway...be sure to tell us all what happens if you do contact her.

[nicktom]

25. Thanks, I will,

Peace and Love, always.