She's 15 - he's 17

[Taverner]

My cousin is 15 - dating a 17 year old. They've been caught having sex a number of times, so theyve been grounded, punished, etc.

Thing is, neither is a bad kid. Shes good in school and helped bring his grades up. He treats her well and gives her more confidence. Cute kids. Only, they keep doing the antler dance.

Her dad, my 1st cousin, has run out of ideas. He doesn't want to make them break up (neither do the guy's parents) - but he doesn't want them to keep having sex - what if birth control isn't working? What if she gets pregnant?

[Bassic]

1. Well, they're going to keep having sex if they're together.

The thing is, if they love eachother, there's pretty much nothing anybody can do about it.

The best strategy is to make sure they take every precaution, and to ensure that they don't have to put themselves in danger in order to be able to do what they will most certainly do.

[Lilith Velkor]

2. Your 1st cousin needs to get her on the patch

Or whatever it is they use instead of the Pill these days.

[LynneSin]

8. Patches can be pulled off

do they still have those injections that last for 6 months

[miss_american_pie]

11. Depo?

That's every three I think. And I'd still be concerned about diseases.

[Lilith Velkor]

25. I used to have Norplant

I wonder if those are still around?

[Iris]

106. and they have bad side effects. So dose Depro.

[miss_american_pie]

3. He doesn't really think he'll stop them, does he?

[realisticphish]

4. Sounds like

the same problems an older sexually active couple would have. Educate, is really the only advice i have

[Schema Thing]

5. birth control works the vast majority of the time

other than that, there is abortion or adoption or keeping.

Sounds like they have lots to talk about.

[matcom]

6. get her on the pill

my advice would be NOW

[sasquatch]

7. Have him tell them he videotaped it and will show it to their friends

if they don't stop.
*I am evil sasquatch*
:evilgrin:

[radwriter0555]

9. An IUD would be the best solution. The pill is BAD. The patch is worse.

An IUD doesn't require any thought once it's in place.

It's just sex. Preventing pregnancy is the part to be concerned with.

[LynneSin]

12. and preventing diseases too (which can be much worse than pregnancy)

I would recommend taking the both to be tested for HIV and then have a frank talk about diseases and the fact that if they are going to engage in sex then they need to practice safe sex and either stay in a committed relationship or commit to using condoms each time

[lildreamer316]

117. We have a new invention--nuvo ring. NO more IUD.

It looks like a jelly bracelet; except smaller. You change it once a month. I love mine;low dose of hormones and you can't even feel it.

[lildreamer316]

118. dupe.

[Elidor]

10. Teach the boy everything there is to know about the ovulation cycle

And birth control. Because it's very doubtful they'll stop doing the mattress mambo.

[Lilith Velkor]

27. Emphasize CONDOMS for the boy

Especially the notion that "full sensation" is not worth getting AIDS.

[LeftyMom]

13. teenage girls really don't take "no" well

and once she's got it in her head that she's ready for sex, not much can be done to stop her. Really, the best thing they can do is drag her (and him if they can) to the doctor for testing and get her on a really idiot proof birth control method, such as the nuvaring.

[nini]

14. this is a no brainer.. get her on the pill

no shame in doing the smart thing to help them avoid nightmares down the line.

[0007]

15. I'll second that!

[LaurenG]

19. Thirded nt

[MissMillie]

16. call the cops

she's not of legal consent.

I'm not suggesting that these kids should break up, in fact, it is a healthy thing to encourage a healthy relationship to grow, etc.

But he is committing a felony. Someone should tell him that he should wait, at the very least, until she is legally old enough to give consent.


After that, encourage multiple forms for birth control. (Condoms & diaphragm, pills & condom, condom and patch, etc...)

[matcom]

17. you are kidding right?

:eyes:

[MissMillie]

26. no, I'm not

I have an 18 year old son who has a 15 year old girlfriend. I caught them having sex in my house. I told my son that if it ever became a legal issue, I may be guilty "aiding and abetting" felonious activity if the girlfriend ever insisted that they were having sex in my house and that I knew about it.

Get the kids to understand, they get caught, and they end up being on the sex offender registry. It will follow them forever.

If you don't call the cops, at least threaten to.

The girl is not allowed in my home when I'm not there. She used to call her mother and tell her mom that she talked to me and I said it was ok for her to come over. The mom never checked with me.

Underage kids have no business being alone together anyway.

Yeah, that sounds old-fashioned. I don't care. I don't want my kid on the sex offender registry.

[eyesroll]

18. Many, many states have "Romeo and Juliet" laws

It varies by state, but often if both parties are under 18, or if the age difference is less than 3 years (or both), it's OK.

You really want to get this boy in trouble and registered as a sex offender for life for doing what plenty of their peers are doing (albeit more discreetly)?

On edit:

In California (where Taverner is, not sure if that's where the cousins are too): The age of consent is 18; however:

(b) Any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual
intercourse with a minor who is not more than three years
older or three years younger than the perpetrator, is
guilty of a misdemeanor.

http://www.ageofconsent.com/california.htm

So...both the boy and the girl are committing a misdemeanor here, assuming this hastily googled site is accurate.

[MissMillie]

29. I say at least threaten to, and if it happens again, follow through.

I'm sorry, but that's how I feel about it.

[Love Bug]

20. Don't call the cops -- he'll be branded a sex offender for the rest of

his life.

The best you can do in a situation like this is make sure she is on some iron-clad birth control and he gets a large box of condoms.

[MissMillie]

30. I'll edit to say, make the threat first,

but I do think that if it continues, then he IS a sex offender.

If you do nothing and allow it to continue, then you are in a sense giving consent for your minor child. And what would that make you?

[matcom]

34. it would make you a responsible parent

better they are doing it SAFELY at home than out in a car like i had to at that age

[MissMillie]

36. So how old does the guy have to get before it becomes

Sexual abuse?

[matcom]

38. nothing abusive about it

she is consenting and he isn't an adult anyway. sheesh they are 2 years apart :eyes:

[eyesroll]

42. In California, it can be a felony if there's more than a three-year diff

and it's a big felony if one party's under 16, the other's over 21.

For less than three years, if they're both minors, it's a misdemeanor at worst.

[patcox2]

66. In some states it would become a crime on his next birthday.

Insane laws.

[eyesroll]

37. She's a sex offender, too, according to the link in my last post. n/t

[MissMillie]

41. so then he wouldn't be a sex offender then... is that how that works?

Even better.

Teach him a lesson without the life-long label.

Perfect.

[eyesroll]

44. No, BOTH of them are offenders -- they're BOTH having sex with minors.

It doesn't matter who's older, if the age difference is less than three years.

[MissMillie]

46. That depends on the age of consent, right.

If consent is 16, then only one of them is a minor.

[eyesroll]

48. I'm talking California, where it's 18.

Link:
http://www.ageofconsent.com/california.htm

[MissMillie]

51. see post 50 (n/t)

.

[Love Bug]

53. What do you suggest then? How do you make a 15 year old girl

stop having sex once she's had it? I'd really like to know what you can do other than keeping her locked up in the house. You can try gounding her, but then while you are at work, she'll sneak out of the house. You can take all her privileges away and she'll just tell you to fuck off. About all you can do is get her birth control and pray it works so she doesn't have to deal with a bigger disaster.

Branding a 17 year old boy a sex offender might take care of the problem of what to do with him, but what happens to the next boyfriend? How many boyfriends can you have arrested before your relationship with your daughter is damaged so beyond repair that you risk losing her altogether?

[MissMillie]

55. I don't have a daughter, I have a son

and trust me I know this situation well.

I can see it now... my son decides he doesn't want to be with this girl anymore. She's 15, and they've been having sex, and now that she's scorned she starts with the accusations. (Hell hath no fury like a woman spermed!)

And you know what, she'd be telling the truth.

And YES that scares the shit out of me.

I'm lucky enough that the mother of this girl doesn't work outside the home and when the girl is out of school, the mom knows where she is.

No, not every parent has it that lucky.

Consent laws, drug laws, etc... it all may seem silly to a lot of people, but the laws are on the books, and when you willfully break the law you run the risk of having to face the consequences.

Is that not a lesson kids should learn?

[Love Bug]

68. Yes, that is a lesson kids should learn but at what cost? I wonder

[aquaman]

90. A 17 year old having sex with a 15 year old,

Sex offender in this situation? That is THE most ridiculous thing I have heard in at least the last week. All a parent can do short of locking their kids up is voice their displeasure with the situation, educate them, and make a choice regarding whether they will allow the kids to see one another. Call the cops? Ridiculous.

[Taverner]

21. No ones calling the cops

Like I said, hes a good guy - and they're both good for each other more or less...

She is on Norplant (her idea strangely enough) but still...things can happen...

[XemaSab]

39. Norplant's pretty good

But make sure they both know how to use a condom as well.

And it's not idiot proof by a long shot. You have to leave a little reservoir in the tip to avoid breakage.

[Lilith Velkor]

54. I wouldn't worry about pregnancy in that case

Is it disease you are concerned about?

[ET Awful]

22. He's under the age of consent as well.

No felony involved, sorry. Doubtful that there's even a crime involved since she's over 14.

[MissMillie]

31. I thought consent was 16 in our state, ET... no?

I won't vouch for the other state.

[ET Awful]

40. Interestingly, there's an entire web page dedicated to just that topic

http://www.ageofconsent.com/massachusetts.htm

Found via a quick google search.

[MissMillie]

45. Fair enough

see, my son IS 18... so you can see where this makes me pretty nervous.

[eyepaddle]

32. It depends on the state they are in

but It's likely she's over the age of consent--in many states it is 14 or 15--in New Mexico it's 13!

As well as the aforementioned Romeo and Juliet laws. I believe Minnesota's (where I grew up) was something like age of consent is 15, provided the other is within 3 years of the same age.

I don't think ANY state has an ironclad 18 years old to legally consent statute--however, this has NEVER come up in my personal experience so maybe I'm wrong.

(Peter McWilliam's book "Ain't Nobody's Business" has a good run down of stuff like this--as well as laws on free speech, religious practices, sexual prefernce etc.)

On edit: it appears that a few laws have changed, and other changes are pending. Here's a table I found, albeit there is the chance it is already out of date.
http://www.webistry.net/jan/consent.html

[Lilith Velkor]

33. Yeah, let the boy get raped in jail

That'll help keep the family functional. :eyes:

[MissMillie]

50. Let me clear this up

my statement about threatening to call the cops was based on the assumption that the age of consent was 16.

That would have made one of them guilty of a crime.

I understand that this may not be the case in CA and that there are Romeo & Juliet laws and whatever.

Fine.

You know what, even if they're BOTH breaking the law, threaten to call the cops anyway.

Yes, scare the kids into thinking that maybe, just maybe they'd better wait.

Of course the very best action is to do everything possible to make sure they are not alone.

Underage kids who are romantically involved have no business being alone in a room together.

And before you ask... I was a legal adult before I had sex.

[Lilith Velkor]

57. That could scare the kids into thinking they have to lie to you

And if the girl gets pregnant, she'll run away to keep her BF out of jail.

Or try to "take care of it" herself.

Please reconsider your position.

[Ariana Celeste]

63. exactly

That surely wouldn't have stopped me

I started being sexually active at 14- my mom found out at 15, and taught me what to do, knowing that even with every precaution I would still find a way IF I wanted to- because she was like that as a teen, too- she got me on the depo shot, and told me about risks involved and what options I had if I got pregnant- let me know that while she didn't like that I was having sex, she trusted me not to be stupid about it and would be there for me if anything happened. And you know, thanks to that, I didn't get pregnant as a teen, I was careful, and my mom and I had a great relationship and I felt I could trust her with my problems. Today, I'm just about to turn 21, and my mom is my best friend.

[MissMillie]

78. My position, right now is

my kid is not allowed to be alone with his girlfriend.

That is #1.

Right now, I have it within my ability to control this. That may not always be the case, but it is right now.

[Radical Activist]

96. at that age

they aren't children anymore and they aren't animals. They shouldn't be treated as such.

[kay1864]

62. Delete-dupe.

[Anser]

76. Disgusting

Calling the cops?
What complete disrespect for people's autonomy. More of the same bigoted crap about how some people just can't make decisions for themselves; sad to see it here.

Same argument used by racists, same argument used by sexists.

[MissMillie]

81. 15 year olds don't have autonomy

and apparently in California, neither do 17 year olds. Not legally anyway.

[Anser]

87. yes I know

I, in fact, know that teenagers have no rights all too personally.

All thanks to mindsets like yours.

[Lilith Velkor]

89. That mindset was common in the '80s

That's why my high school buddies are all dead.

[MissMillie]

91. At what age do you propose consent should be?

You know, NAMBLA is against consent laws too.... I mean, while you're pointing the finger at mindsets like mine, you should consider that... right?

[Anser]

104. Age of consent

The "age of consent" is the easiest thing in the world to define:

"The age at which consent can meaningfully be given."

It only gets complicated when people like you try to draw your arbitrary lines in the sand. Lines that are, as they have always been, drawn by the very people who just so happen to be on the privileged side of the line.

But really, I don't know the dynamic in your specific family, and so perhaps your approach does work for you and yours. I just hope that people can take their blinders off to the rest of us out here. Not every parent has their child's best interest at heart.

Here we are on DEMOCRATIC Underground. People of all ages should have rights. Sure some best-intentioned parents will look out for their kids, but some best-intentioned monarchs will look out for their subjects' interests as well.

If I can be so bold, my guess is that you will defend setting the age of consent at a specific number because "you have to draw it somewhere." Basically you have two choices. Either A. There is not ONE single person, under 18, who can make s meaningful choice. Or B. People under 18 are more likely to lack the maturity to make meaningful choices.

A is a ridiculous proposition, completely refuted by the human experience and history. B is the very antithesis of democracy. For example, you could easily find statistics that a specific group based on race or religion are statistically more likely to to have children that they are not ready for. So then, when you've completely disenfranchised said group, and taken away their right to privacy you can assure them that its for the best since they are "more likely" to make bad choices.

When it comes to fundamental rights, there can be no bright-line rules, especially when drawn arbitrarily. Such inquiries must be on a case by case basis. It is unacceptable to have a 17 year old college student, involved and informed in the political process, be a non-citizen while her abusive drunken father who is completely unaware of the world outside his couch and remote control has full rights solely because of his age.

[MissMillie]

114. I never said kids didn't have rights

I just said they were not autonomous, and there is a difference.

I think it is perfectly reasonable to draw a line somewhere. While it may seem to you to be a ridiculous proposition, it seems perfectly reasonable to me that any person (X) looking to enter into any kind of a contract with another person (Y) and X should know that, legally, Y is capable of joining into said contract.

Now, I don't specifically argue that consent should be at 18, but I do believe that a line should be drawn somewhere. And yes, I suppose just about any age would be considered arbitrary, but certainly you don't propose that any time people agree to enter into a contract they get some sort of legal certification that they are mature and/or competent to do so.

I know plenty of 18, or 19, or even 30 year-old who are not "mature" enough to be having sex. I also know a lot of legal adults that aren't "mature" enough to get married, buy a car, rent an apartment, or have a checking account.

But I don't propose we just let it be a free-for all. Those organization w/ whom these immature adults should be allowed some basic protection. Don't you think? I don't see how, other than drawing a line in the sand, you're going to get any legal protection for those people.

Got any ideas?

[Deja Q]

116. I must agree.

One accident and it's another case of a child having a child.

Or at last tell them what will happen if they don't stop, and as you said, encourage a healthier relationship.

[Shell Beau]

23. I don't know! Sounds like typical teenagers to me!

Making them break up would only make matters worse IMO! That's why teens are so hard to raise! Sticky situation. Encourage protection for sure. Encourage abstinence. :shrug:

[johnnie]

24. Tell them that they will burn in hell for all eternity

:shrug:

[jukes]

28. redundant b/c. pills/foam/condom

breaking them up will solve nothing; her next boyfriend/partner will just meet less resistance.

[Taverner]

35. Reduncancy sounds like a good idea

[jukes]

43. also

teach them to hide better.

[Gormy Cuss]

47. Have your cousin move in for the weekend

and act like the au pair, with primary responsibility for Tavernertot and Tavernertoddler, including the getting up in the middle of the night part and the poopy diapers. Most fifteen year olds would work extra hard to avoid pregnancy after that.

That and your cousin needs to have the "shotgun" talk with the boyfriend, explaining just what would be expected if he made a baby with the daughter.

Beyond that, they're teens and need to figure out how to behave. If they're going to have sex against the wishes of their parents, they owe their parents a modicum of respect by making sure the folks aren't going to 'catch them' going at it.

[bettyellen]

61. her dad and boyfriend should discuss a pregnanacy?

wow, that presumes alot.... and makes her seem a bit like an incubator or something.
think maybe they ought to check in with her first, see what she would want to do?

[Gormy Cuss]

69. No, actually it doesn't presume any such thing.

The daughter has all the choices. It's not about that. In a hypothetical situation checking with her first is meaningless because in a pregnancy crisis she may decide something entirely different. Both teens need to be prepared for all the choices and teen boys are too often disconnected from the reality of the ramifications of those choices and how they as males do not determine the choice but retain responsibility. Having her parents confront him on the issue of his responsibility should she choose to have and raise a child may have a very different impact than hearing it from his own parents. And if Taverner's cousin were the son's parents I would suggest the same steps.

[bettyellen]

82. hypothetical or not, discussing it without her input is creepy and sexist

and using the reasoning that her thoughts on the subject right now aren't relevant because they are not reliable is pretty insulting. somehow i see that as promoting the implication that her parents know her mind or what's best better than she. historically women were kept out of these "shotgun" conversations for exactly these reasons.
so, no, i don't get leaving her out of it.

[Gormy Cuss]

92. I think you're reading far more into it than is there.

The OP said the parents are already discussing it with their own kids so presumably they have had the talk with the daughter.

I remember the days of those "shotgun" discussions, where parents told their teens what they were expected to do and neither gender teen had any input. Male teens weren't given choices any more than the female teens were. They were told exactly what they were expected to do. The difference today is that the teens know they can ignore those expectations on this issue. Some parents take that to mean they no longer can voice their expectations, and that's not true. Talking bluntly to teens is hard because teens are caught in the world between child and adult and need consul from adults at a time when they are least interested in admitting it.

[bettyellen]

94. it's my take on it, if i was that woman, and mom and dad went behind my

back, i'd tell the BF, don't listen to a word they said, their expectation has nothing to do with my decision.
i know you mean well, but way back when, teens didn't have much choice, i don't see any point pretending that's still the case.
i could see leaving her out, and trying to scare the boy really backfiring, but maybe it's just because i fully expect it to by my choice alone.

[Gormy Cuss]

95. Where did I say to do it behind her back?

We seem to be having a failure to communicate.

[bettyellen]

98. you said her thoughts were irrelevant, you did make that much clear.

are you saying she's included in this conversation between the boy in her parents somehow?
i'm missing something here alright, i don't see where she fits in this conversation at all.

[Gormy Cuss]

101. We are having a failure to communicate.

I said that her hypothetical thoughts on the issue are irrelevant (just as the boyfriend's hypothetical thoughts are, as a matter of fact) because if a crisis pregnancy occurs all bets are off on what she would choose. My point is that the partner's parents are sometimes a much more forceful voice to the boyfriend/girlfriend that the teen's own parents and hearing the concerns and expectations from them may make the gravity of the responsibilites sink in a little bit better.

As to whether the girlfriend/boyfriend is present for that frank discussion, I'm not the parents and they'd need to figure that out for themselves, although I do believe the teen should be aware of the parents' intent to have this talk regardless.

[bettyellen]

105. her thoughts irrelevant, her participation in the conversation optional...

her boyfriend discussing her future with her parents... what part was i failing to understand?
obviously, you got my point, since you've revised it to be genderless.
:hi:

[Gormy Cuss]

109. Time to end this.

Nope, I don't see your point since the gender was specific from the OP.
But thanks for being polite about it.

[bettyellen]

112. any excuse to leave her out of the conversation, huh?

oh yeah, it's ended.

[fortyfeetunder]

113. Better yet, a night alone with the kids

so she can grasp the idea of single parenthood.

That happened with me, taking care of two toddlers, and it cured me of the maternal instinct for at least 14 years!

[Anser]

49. Well

15 and 17 year olds are adults by nearly any scientific definition. If they are being responsible and using birth control then there should be no problem.

Maturity is what is important. There are plenty of 25 (or 35 or anything) year olds out there that lack the maturity to use birth control. Or, even worse, are so infantile that they listen to their imaginary friend in the sky who tells them that its a sin to use contraception.

As others have said, educate about contraception, but beyond that respect their privacy rights. (Even though our country still views them as disenfranchised non-citizens.)

[indigo32]

52. Redundant birth control

is a good idea. Personally if I were the mom, I'd be seriously discouraging a 15 year old from being in that serious a relationship, even though they are close in age and he is a good kid. There are lots of things a 15 YO should be doing/experiencing before she spends every moment she can with one boy. That having been said I'm a realist, so I feel for your cousin. Teach them well.

[AngryAmish]

56. If they are acting like deer, treat them like deer

1. Put saltpeter in his salt lick.
2. Shoot him, reducing her opportunities to mate.
3. Hire some sharpshooters and dart her full of birth control hormones. This is risky, largely unsuccessful but it is better than killing them in front of the neighbors.
4. Just put up really high fences (more than 10') around his property to keep her in and him out.

Any other ideas?

[slide to the left]

58. Get a video of a birth

best bc ever!

[CanuckAmok]

75. Better BC than Birkenstocks?

I find that very difficult to believe.

[AngryAmish]

83. Have him play Dungeons & Dragons - and have her watch

Most effective form of birth control known to man.

[TimeChaser]

102. Nah, that'd probably be a turn on for me

:evilgrin:

[Giant Robot]

119. Where the hell were you

when I was in high school????

At best I got a sort of resigned acceptance from the girls I dated back then.

Mrs Giant Robot understands I am a geek and tolerates it, but that is it.

And sadly I have not had a D&D group in a while.

Is a sad giant robot...

[Misunderestimator]

59. Oh, I thought this was going to be from Sound of Music.

:shrug:

[xmas74]

65. But I thought she was 16 going on 17

and that he was 17 going on 18.

[Misunderestimator]

71. Close enough.

:P

[xmas74]

73. I hated that musical.

It was our senior production.

I wanted Godspell instead.

[Misunderestimator]

79. Musicals are always so much worse when done by a HS

than when done professionally. I can't imagine Godspell would be much better. They did that one in my high school... It sucked really, really bad.

[xmas74]

84. We did an ok performance of Camelot

because the students were really into it. I've viewed better but for a high school it wasn't awful.

The PTO decided on Sound of Music. The students hated that idea and it showed.

[xmas74]

60. A friend made her child visit w/ the family practitioner for a

long visit, then made them visit daycares and busy parks, along w/ the local shot clinic so that they would know what it was like to be around children and made her daughter visit w/ a few people who were HIV positive.


The daughter now uses condoms.

[hippiechick]

72. Bingo.

Either that, or get the happy couple a babysitting job for a weekend so they can see how fun the "results" really are.

:applause:

[xmas74]

74. She knew she couldn't stop them

but she wanted them both prepared for the consequences. She was a teen mother and didn't want the same.

Her daughter wised up when he refused to go on any of the outings.

[Lilith Velkor]

77. Best answer yet

:thumbsup:

[xmas74]

86. That's how she did it.

She knew that something had to be done and that was the best idea she could think of.

[mdmc]

64. In the navy

...
get her on the pill.:shrug:

[mdmc]

85. kick

[seaglass]

67. As a mom of a 16yo daughter, I'd first say that your cousin

is lucky in that the kids care about each other - much better than random sex with a variety of partners IMHO.

I've never ever heard of a teenage girl who once having sex just stops so I think it's impractical that your cousin thinks/hopes that will happen.

If my daughter was having sex with a steady boyfriend, I would make sure she had BC and disease checks for her and her boyfriend. They would not be allowed to have sex in my house.

[ScreamingMeemie]

70. "What if?" The stuff that every moment of our life is made of.

What he wants may not be what his daughter wants. All the wanting, planning and threatening in the world isn't going to make his wish happen. All he can do, at this point, is make sure they know the consequences of unprotected sex.

They are going to keep having sex, but, "what if" they break up? He needs to realize that this is going to happen anyway.

[Burma Jones]

80. It's Obvious, you have to kill them

Really, it's G-d's will:


Deutoronomy 22, 20-22
20
But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:
21
Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.
22
If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.

or some such other nastiness.....

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

88. Tell them to move to Brazil

It isn't overrun my mad mouth-foaming punishist puritans.

More seriously, slap him around the head so he uses condoms IN ADDITION TO birth control.

[Dukkha]

93. this reminds me of The 40 Year Old Virgin

the scene where the teens & parents are in group counseling. Hilarious scene and demonstrated how kids that age aren't mature enough to handle the responsibilities of consensual intercourse.

[Radical Activist]

99. I would guess

people that age have been having sex for thousands of years. If they suddenly aren't mature enough for it today then its probably a result of parental attitudes about sex and a general unwillingness to talk about it in a mature way at the appropriate age.

[xchrom]

97. all together i think this is one of the strangest threads

i've ever read.

[beyurslf]

100. Birth control and make sure they know how to use condoms and

have access to them. Better to prepare them than try to scare them out of something they are doing anyway

[NNadir]

103. Here is how my father dealt with it.

He found my condoms when I was sixteen and he called me aside and gave me a firm talking to.

He wasn't accusatory or imperious or judgemental. He knew it was beyond his control. He just wanted to make sure that I was aware that there were very serious potential consequences and that I did everything to minimize risks. He told me to keep using the condoms, because he was aware that nothing he said was going to prevent me from doing what I was doing and that since that was the case, I'd best be as safe as possible.

He was realistic and loving and fair and was being, as usual, the best father he could be. I never got a girlfriend pregnant. I never got into any trouble. If faced with the same situation, I would do exactly as he did.

[Iris]

107. Easy for me to say this, but

I'd make sure she is on the pill and knows how to use a condom. Him, too, for that matter. Because once you start, you don't stop. At least she's with this one guy. Now that she's had sex, it'll be easier when the next one comes along. If they are really into each other, I'd rather have her with someone who cares about her - but that's easy to say when it's not your own kid.

[Left Is Write]

108. He is not going to be able to stop her from having sex with her boyfriend.

It's just not realistic to think that he can - the only way he can stop it is to be present at ALL times when they are together, and you know that's not happening.

The best he can do is keep the lines of communication open with her and make sure she has access to contraceptives. I would stongly recommend a combination of the Pill and condoms.

Punishing a kid for having sex will never, ever work.

[Elnendil Taramon]

110. You have a point.

Sex is her option, of course, but she may want to stop and maybe think on marriage, maybe waiting until they're both over the 18 year old mark. And yes, punishing usually never works, a lot of things are usually taken in a flipped manner, ie Punishing MIGHT make her more sexually active, but i'm not going to say that's for certain. Also, if you note the writer's post, she seems to really love him and he loves her. Maybe, like I said, stop sex alltogether, and do something they love doing together. I hope I don't sound like that teacher showing those old 70's sex films.

From what i'm seeing, he isn't wanting or is trying to be a "sexual predator", but he should understand that people can easily dodge that one and slap a sexual offender on him. Talk to him, let him know that he should consider stopping, for their relationship.

[Patiod]

111. We did a show with a couple like that

The guy was 18 and the girl was 16 - they'd been together for a year. Oddly enough, they were playing Romeo and Juliet in "Good Night Desdemona, Good Morning Juliet" - I was in it, and my S.O. was pitching in because they were struggling with the Shakespearean dialog. They were actually both really mature and really sweet, and seemed devoted to one another in a good way.

When he turned 18, his dad took him aside and said "I don't know what you two are doing together, but as of today, it's illegal" (we were in the dressing room when he was telling this story). "You didn't TELL him did you?!!!" she shrieked. He just laughed, and said "no, but I think the rest if the cast knows now...."

The only thing that's really tough at that age is he went off to an Ivy League college, and she had 2 more year of high school. I have my doubts about the lifespan of a high schooler/college guy relationship....guess it depends on the kids.

[leftofthedial]

115. short of a complete hormone-ectomy . . .

once the, um, cat is out of the bag, so to speak, it's kind of hard to keep them from, well, cramming it back in.

Or something like that.