Would you consider this rude, or am I overreacting?

[ZombieNixon]

If you were talking with someone over AIM and you had to leave the computer for about ten minutes and explicitly stated your reasons for having to leave briefly and that you would be right back, and when you do in fact return to the computer, the other party had signed off without so much as a goodbye or a "this is why I have to go," would you feel slighted?

AIM is the primary means of communication I use with said person, and she is also someone who repeatedly insists that she cares about me.

Now, I always thought that it was considered common courtesy to tell someone with whom you are talking why you must end the conversation. It's like talking on the phone and one person says "could you hold on, I have to take care of something quickly" and when he returns to the phone, the other party has unexpectedly hung up.

At the very least, I like to see a "I have to go, talk to you later." It's just polite, or is that too much to ask?

This has happened multiple times with increasing frequency, by the way.

:grr:

:wtf:

:mad:

:nuke:

Am I taking this way too seriously?

[Shell Beau]

1. I don't know! If it hurt your feelings, then it hurt your feelings!

Would I be upset? Probably not, but that is not to say that you don't have a reason to be! It is always curteous to say goodbye!! And it is not hard to do!

[XemaSab]

2. Here's the deal:

AIM is a socially awkward form of communication in general, and rudeness is to be expected.

[ZombieNixon]

7. I can see that happening in the middle of conversations...

when things get misinterpreted, but at the end...?

Also, the conversations I have with this person aren't in Internet English (i.e. hey, hwo r u?), but real English (Hi, how has your day been?)...that's just how we type...no Leetspeak or whatever.

It's just not cool to return to the computer after a few minutes and see "xxxxx#### signed off at 3:33 PM" without so much as "bye"

It's three herkin' letters! :grr:

[XemaSab]

8. Maybe they got punted

Or maybe the ice cream man drove by...

[LostinVA]

22. I agree with you -- a good friend of mine only lives about hour

away, but has a crazy work schedule, so we can't get together very often. So... we mainly use Messenger to communicate. WE ALWAYS say if we're leaving for a few, and always, always say bye, goodnight, etc. I would consider it the same as someone just hanging up the phone without saying bye...

[kid a]

3. too serious - get a room :)

[BikeWriter]

4. I would consider the possibility of their losing the connection...

...someone at their door, their PC locking up, etc.

[ZombieNixon]

9. That's happened before...same person.

She called me to say the connection was down.

[havocmom]

26. Well, there are some storms around today. Is she in an area like that?

Just something to consider. Also, AOL sorta sucks on connection reliability, doesn't it?

[petronius]

5. Beats me - I've never used AIM

However, it wouldn't have cost said person much effort to type "Gotta go - see you" (or "CU"? - I'm not up on the lingo) before clicking the little 'X'. So you're probably right that you got the equivalent of being hung up on... (or is it hanged up on? :))

[Maddy McCall]

6. Same rule applies on the phone...If you tell me to hold on, even if...

you tell me that you have to run do something quickly, something might come up with me while you have put me "on hold," and I might have to go off-line. No excuse needed.

Maybe she's like me. She's annoyed when someone tells her to "hold on" or BRB. Maybe she didn't have time to tell you that she didn't have anything else to say, and wanted to go offline.

At any rate, you certainly shouldn't take offense.

[ghostsofgiants]

25. There's a difference though...

If you're on hold on the phone and have to leave, there's no way of letting the person know you're leaving. With AIM it's just a matter of a few to say "Oh, I have to run." which you can leave whether the person is there or not, so it's much different than the phone. It's a few seconds, so the "didn't have time" excuse doesn't really work...at the very least, "bye" takes less than a second to type.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. My dear ZombieNixon!

I suspect that I would be offended.....

At least until the person had explained her actions....

I do NOT think you're asking too much, at all!

I've had conversations like that, where the other person had to go do something for awhile, but planned to come back.....

And so we would both leave the connection open, until my partner was able to return......

Worked for us! No hurt feelings, nothing but happiness that the conversation would then re-commence!

So ask her what's going on.....and take it from there....

Just my 2 cents!



:hug: :pals:

[ZombieNixon]

11. Thanks.

We use AIM like other people use the phone because the reception her end is always horrible.

I mean, if you're going to sign off...it would be nice to say "bye" or "I have to go." No questions asked in those situations.

:grr:

[Dangerously Amused]

12. Hmm.

"This has happened multiple times with increasing frequency, by the way."

Two thoughts come to mind:


Have you mentioned to her on any of the previous occasions that you would appreciate it if she would just type "bye" so that when you get back and she's gone, you know she needed to leave and nothing happened to her? Otherwise she may not know there is a problem.

Also, when it's happened before, is it always (or usually) you telling her to wait while you do something? If so maybe she thinks you are being the rude one, and this is her response-in-kind. Just a thought.


Good luck...

[ZombieNixon]

14. Actually, those past times have been worse,

because I had not left the computer. I was still bloody here, yet she signed off without a word. I didn't mention it because I figured she probably had to go to class or something (this was either yesterday or Wednesday).

I am usually not the one saying that I have stuff to do away from the computer, because, as a computer science and game development major, I'm usually on the machine 12 or more hours a day, and always (until recently, as I'm beginning to have second thoughts) willing to talk to her.

[Dangerously Amused]

16. Well, let's see.

I read upthread where this has happened before, but she called you to say her server/connection went down. And you think that is probably true because her phone connection is bad. So maybe that's what happened again, but she didn't bother to call you because she presumed you would know what happened.

Regardless, I agree with the others who think you should raise the subject with her before things get any worse.

[ZombieNixon]

18. Oh, I will.

I just have to wait until she gets back on-line. x(

[Book Lover]

13. New tech doesn't mean new rules

Polite is polite. She should have at least typed bbl or something. How hard is that?

[ZombieNixon]

15. My question exactly.

And I know that "sum ppl use rly abbr speech on comp," but we don't. We both type in normal, readable English. It seems almost old-fashioned at times. :shrug:

[bigwillq]

17. You deserve a good-bye

I would be a little upset also.

Have you ever asked her about that?

[ZombieNixon]

19. Not yet.

I thought it might be an occasional thing, and that I'm willing to forgive, because everybody has to run sometimes, but, as I said, it's getting more and more regular.

I'll bring it up next time we talk, which will be (hopefully) later today. :shrug:

[riona]

20. if someone knew certain behavior bothered me,

it would take little effort on their part to remedy, yet they continued that behavior - well, i wouldn't be inclined to expect a meaningful relationship to develop.

[ZombieNixon]

21. I don't know if she knows it bothers me.

I would have thought it would be common sense, though. :grr:

And nothing in this relationship has followed the conventional lines of "development." It's weird. x(

[realisticphish]

23. there are a couple scenerios

if there's been no conversation for at least an hour, then i would consider slipping quietly offline acceptable. And it may be that they got disconnected, but as you say, it's happened multiple times.

But if it is the first one, i see no reason why you wouldn't say "gotta go, sorry" at least :shrug:

[Left Is Write]

24. Your feelings are your feelings and as such they are valid.

For me personally, I wouldn't have thought anything of it. I AIM with my friends reasonably frequently, and we are all busy people. I'm always getting up and leaving the computer, and sometimes with one friend in particular, an hour could go by between any activity at all. I usually do indicate when I'm signing off entirely, as do my friends, but not always. I wouldn't have thought twice about it, but the parameters of your communication with your friend could be very different from those I have with my friends.

Tell her how you feel about it.

[woo me with science]

27. What exactly did you say?

Because if someone told me they would be gone "briefly," I would expect 45 seconds to a minute or two. I would not expect that she would have me just sit there for ten minutes waiting for her to come back. In that case, I might be annoyed and sign off. I think ten minutes is an excessive amount of time to expect someone to wait on IM. You wouldn't put down the phone and expect someone to be there ten minutes later when you came back.

[ZombieNixon]

29. I said:

"I'll be back soon. I'm hungry and the fridge is empty (:(), so I'm going to run to Panera and get something to eat. It'll be about ten minutes." She's been to this Panera, she knows it'll take about ten minutes. It took ten minutes. I've done the same thing for her when she's had to leave the room, with even longer waits. Is it too much to expect the same, or at least an "I can't stay, I'll talk to you later"?

[LSdemocrat]

28. I don't think its a big deal

It would be nice to have a good bye, but whatever