I have a feeling I fucked up big time...

[Sannum]

I don't remember doing something that is probably one of the most important things I do at work. I think I may have fucked up big time, or it could just be sitting on my desk, waiting to be done. I won't be able to find out if I did what I think I might have done until 10AM tomorrow. I am having a fucking full blown panic attack right now. Fuck. I think it is on my desk, but I should have given it to someone else. Fuck. Or was I given it in the first place? I don't think I would have put it down or thrown it away. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.

:cry:

Why do I always have to be filled with so much self doubt? :banghead:

[Gold Metal Flake]

1. Let me guess...

You were supposed to have neutered that wolverine?

[redwitch]

2. What do you think you did? Why does it matter so much?

:hug: Sorry you are so distressed, wish I could help.

[Sannum]

4. It matters because it involves money

lots of money, in fact. Around 200 grand. But I should have taken it to someone else, and it is either somewhere unknown or on an envelope on my desk. I am 98percent positive that it is on my desk. I don't remember even getting it, but I would not throw away something that important. I was dealing with other things at that moment and might have just set it aside for later. I knew when I left that I was forgetting something. I could not remember what it was, but I knew there was one more thing to do. If I could get into the office right now, I would. I get codes next week, of course. Fuck.

I am just freaking out right now.

[redwitch]

8. Try not to worry. I know it's easier said than done but tomorrow comes

soon enough. And you can do what needs to be done then. Sounds like there isn't much you can do tonight. :hug:
Take my advice (I'm not using it) :-)

[petronius]

3. If there's nothing you can do until tomorrow no matter what,

then there is no point torturing yourself all night. Right now you don't even know if there is a problem. My (probably useless) advice is to make a conscious decision to stop worrying, and remind yourself that no matter how big the problem is, if a problem even exists, you will be able to fix it.

I'm really sorry you're stressed, and I know a bit how you feel. I also do the self-doubt thing on occasion - in grad school I was late sometimes because I'd turn around half way through my walk to school to make sure I'd locked the door (and there was never a time I'd forgotten). No matter how much we doubt, it is usually more likely than not that we actually did do the important and often automatic stuff...

[Sannum]

7. I do that too.

I actually went back to the office the other night at 10pm to see if I had locked the elevator after I had been asked by the office manager while she was on a call. I went to the building (There are condos on the bottom floors) and I hit the floor of my office. I had locked it because it did not light up. I felt like an idiot. I am just so fucking insecure now. People are treating me, the "new girl" like a leper and I cant deal with it anymore. The thing is, it could be my perception of things. My employment experiences have been horrific in the past. It could even be described as traumatic. Perhaps I am just reacting to these traumas. There is this one guy who is such an asshole that I do not even associate with him if I don't have to. He faxed something today and the number was wrong so it came back...I wasn't busy so I re-faxed it. I just told him that the number was wrong and he should look into that. He screamed "The number was wrong, you probably just screwed it up because you were sending something at the same time". Woah. He is the only one I am having problems, but I just feel like I am being talked about behind my back.

I feel fucking nuts.

[petronius]

9. That doesn't sound nuts at all

I think a certain degree of stress is natural when you're starting a new job, especially if you've had bad experiences. And any serious job is going to have a learning curve - if you're so new that they haven't gotten around to giving you the security codes yet then there's no way you are expected to be perfect. You wouldn't be there at all if you weren't competent to do the job, so even if you did make a mistake it will work out. So ignore the asshole, and take things as they come. It will work out...

[wildhorses]

5. I do stuff like this ALL the time...

sorry you are stressing
:hug:

[dolo amber]

6. Email this link to your supervisor, thus proving your remorse

;)

[Flaxbee]

10. did something have to be done with it today?

if not, don't worry at ALL. If so, find it tomorrow and it'll get done first thing Monday.

As a young associate once, I didn't get a fedex out in time and and it cost the client about $550,000 in interest. Oops.

[Sannum]

11. I don't know where it would be, other than my desk...

but I don't remember getting it.

This is an envelope of invoices totaling about 20,000 bucks. I need to find them tomorrow and give them to payable. Or else they do not get paid. For some reason, I am supposed to do that in the chain of command. It doesn't really make sense, but I do it. This seems like the most fucked up place I have worked, procedures-wise.

Wow. You did fuck up, lol.

[Flaxbee]

12. well, nothing you can do about it tonight... so if you can, just

switch the worry part of your brain "off"... and the more you freak about it tonight, the less you'll be able to think clearly/remember what happened. Give the neurons a break and see what they tell you in the a.m. And I hope it's easily resolved.

Yup - that screw-up, plus the constant pressure of the job were two of the things that convinced me the job I'd worked years to get was not what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. But it is still one of those cringe-worthy moments I prefer not to dwell on! ;-)