What's a rapid way to lose weight, damn the risks?

[Deja Q]

I need to nix 20 pounds pronto.

And I don't give a frig how.

[WeRQ4U]

1. Jimmy Tango's Fat Busters......

RIDE THE SNAKE!!!



http://snltranscripts.jt.org/95/95ttango.phtml

[SlavesandBulldozers]

42. one of my all time favorite skits.

that one floored me. great post.

[Capn Sunshine]

2. Overexercise together with undereating

add a smattering of crystal meth , et voila.
Minus twenty in three days.

[Deja Q]

3. Okay, sans the illegal drugs.

:D

[jpgray]

4. As long as you're adding the injury, should I add the insult?

[Deja Q]

5. Do so. I have no qualms.

[auntAgonist]

6. there is NO fast / safe way

Take it from me. Honest ..

diet and exercise. Slowly!

aA

[Floogeldy]

7. The Lemon Slice Diet

Breakfast: A glass of hot water with a lemon slice in it.

Lunch: A glass of hot water with a lemon slice in it.

Dinner: A glass of hot water with a lemon slice in it.

Bonus - Midnight snack: A glass of hot water with a lemon slice in it.

[radwriter0555]

13. Mmmm that midnight snack sounds DELISH!

Care to share the recipe?

[Floogeldy]

18. Sorry

The recipe is a family secret. ;)

[radwriter0555]

27. damn you to hell for all eternity.

:D

[XemaSab]

8. Damn the torpedos?

The three day plan:

First day, eat nothing but water.

The second day, eat all the veggies you want, but nothing starchy.

The third day, eat whatever you want. Chocolate cake? Go for it. Pasta? Pile it on. A container of Godiva chocolate raspberry truffle ice cream? Sure.

Rinse and repeat.

(The third day is critically important both for morale and to keep your metabolism from crashing.)

[begin_within]

9. Walk 1 hour per day. Reduce total calorie intake. Drink plenty of water.

[yvr girl]

10. Amputate an arm or part of a leg

Get sick and eat nothing for 3 day and vomit continuously. Don't let your appetite get back to normal. (This is my method, and I'm down about 30 pounds.)

[swag]

14. Also you can pooch your big gut out and cut that off with a big knife.

It works if done correctly.

[Nikia]

35. I hope that you are getting better

Wasn't your illness a while back? Are you eating normal again? Have you seen a doctor about this?

[LynzM]

48. I lost a bunch of weight that way....

And it sucks. Was going to be my suggestion, as well... get yourself a nasty stomach flu.

:hug: Hope you're feeling better soon, dude. :hug:

[yvr girl]

55. I'm totally better.

But thanks.

[Robeson]

11. Liposuction....

...vacuums that fat out, real quick.

[uppityperson]

47. Do it yourself liposuction

make a small incision with a kitchen knife and vacuum that fat out, real quick. Shop vac recommended.

[radwriter0555]

12. Work out first thing in the morning before eating... then work out again

in the afternoon several hours after your lunch of salad/raw veggies.

Drastically reduce your food intake, going vegan. Exercize twice a day.

It'll drop off really fast.

[Omphaloskepsis]

15. Mount a keyboard and monitor to a exercise bike.

Eat better and do more. Just don't starve yourself. My mom did and she didn't exercise so nothing really changed. She didn't have the energy to go for a walk.

[Random_Australian]

16. For the excercise, I suggest Capoeira.

What is it? It's a Brazilain Martial Art, disguised as dance (Was developed by the slaves, and diguised as a dance to keep it from the masters, in modern-day Brazil). Good points:

1) It's actually damn fun. Unlike the other martial arts where it is all pushups, shouting, hitting things, it's a lot more like learning to dance.

2) You start slow, but can practice whenever you have a little time and space, because, like I said, it's fun.

3) Does self-esteem wonders. Unflexible me, overweight (but barely anymore), first day.... with my knee above my shoulder. It was cool, and it's friggin easy.

4) It looks incredibly cool. It had to to be passed of as a dance.

[bridgit]

17. green tea, some banana-strawberry protein drink, and water...

http://www.ultimatefatburner.com/natural-weight-loss/green-tea.html maybe a hand full of cashews every so often...oh and celery :thumbsup:

[mykpart]

19. Atkins plus drink 10 glasses of water daily.

Will get 20 lbs. off in 2 weeks.

[REP]

20. Do You Need ALL Your Arms and Legs? Really?

Or you could go the head-in-a-jar route...

[u4ic]

21. Or the shrunken head route

know any voodoo priestesses?

I soooooooo wish I had photoshop! :rofl:

[TheBaldyMan]

22. Saw both your legs off just below the knee.

[LisaL]

23. Stop eating? It should melt right off.

[LeftyMom]

24. I lost a whole lot of weight really fast on the McDougall diet

I was walking a lot too but I had 40 lbs to lose and shed them really quickly (6 months or so? I don't know the exact time frame because I try not to weigh myself too often and get caught up in minor fluctuations rather than trends in my health.) There's a more intense version of the diet for those who need to make big weight loss or health changes fast, I suppose you could look into that.

I lost 15 lbs in 24 hours once, but that only works if you're very pregnant.

[RebelOne]

25. Gastric bypass.

My daughter had it done and lost 200 pounds in a year.

[BikeWriter]

26. Run your S/O off. It may cost you some furniture, though.

[Deja Q]

40. Nice sentiment - but I have no S/O

[AtomicKitten]

28. green tea

actual tea or pill form
lots of water
eat protein and vegetables
no sugar, severely limit carbs
walk, walk, walk

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

29. Get diagnosed ADD.

Get Adderall prescription. It'll boost your metabolism, destroy your appetite, give you energy and make you feel motivated.

[Deja Q]

34. Been there.

:D

No prompting required.

I'm often misdiagosed as such...

[Radical Activist]

39. No kidding

I didn't take it long because I didn't like the other side effects, but it sure kept me slim.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

53. I like it, but I don't get many side effects.

Just the losing weight one, which I'm fine with but I take a high dose. Lower doses didn't seem to have any effect on the ADD stuff.

[LeftyMom]

54. Concerta does that too

My son's half-sister is on it and the days she takes is she just will. not. eat. She was thin to begin with but now she looks like an anorexic. It's scary and more than a little sad.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

62. I don't have any concerta experience.

Generally, Adderall messes up my appetite, but I adjust to it. I still don't eat as much as I should, but I can eat on it. The only issues I really had was when I went off it for almost a year and realized I'm dysfunctional without it, so I went back on it. For the first week, I had no appetite at all. I did make sure that I ate a huge meal in the morning before I took my pill though. A couple months later, I upped my dose and I had the same reaction.

Normally, it does cause me to lose my appetite, but I can still eat, although I do eat less. I'm fine with this side effect personally. Vain as it is, I want to be back into my zero jeans for the summer. (I'm small boned and 5'1" so I can be a size zero and not look anorexic.)

[philosophie_en_rose]

30. *warning* may be hazardous

My friend found this "15 - day cleansing" drink at GNC, but I've also seen it at Safeway. You drink this nasty drink (tastes okay, but with nasty effects) twice a day. It .... empties your digestion tract quickly, and encourages it to be empty the entire two weeks.

So you basically drink this laxative-like drink, eat minimally for dinner (it will not stay with you long), and then starve for two weeks.

Doesn't seem to be the most healthy way to go about weight loss. If you do it too long, you'll likely die. But it seemed to work.

[RPM]

31. have an arm amputated.

thats a quick 20 pounds off...

[Crazy Dave]

32. Remember that old guy on Seinfeld?

Tied their hands by rope and onto the back bumper of a car going about 10 mph. That would work.

[crispini]

33. Do lots of blow.

It works for supermodels....

[Deja Q]

37. I'm presuming you mean cocaine...

The type of 'blow' I'm thinking about is inaccessible by comparison. :rofl:

[AirmensMom]

36. Eat raw fruits and veggies and nuts.

And nothing else. Drink plenty of water.

[Nikia]

38. I'm not going to encourage you to be unhealthy

Why do you want to lose weight so much? If it is for health, you obviously have to be healthy about it. If you want to look better, it is probably bettter to do it in a healthy way too because malnutrition hurts your hair, skin, and nails.

[riona]

49. cut meat out of your diet

[AngryAmish]

41. Diet coke and marlboro lights

Exercise about 2 hours a day. Lots of water. You can lose 2 lbs a day. you put it right back on but if it has to come off...

[SlavesandBulldozers]

43. go to Mexico and hang out for a month.

you don't even need to "drink the water". eat at the best places and drink bottled water. the faunal change will do it. You'll piss out your ass. "The Moctezuma Plan"

or. . .

get the love of your life to walk out on you. That's what's called the "Shock Diet" and can really take the weight off fast. :D

[petronius]

44. Move to Mars ... your weight will drop a lot more than 20 lbs (nt)

[anarch]

45. heroin

[Deja Q]

50. Oooh! I could be just like Glenn Quinn!

:bounce:

[thefool_wa]

46. There is always

Crystal Meth. j/k

[hholli11]

51. grab yourself a CRACK PIPE....

really it's portion control and exercise. But who feels like doing that?

[khashka]

52. Diet and exercize are the only sure ways.....

But if you don't want safe and sure....
Start drinking. Constantly. Heavily. Get enough vodka/bourbon/gin in your system and you'll quit eating pronto. You can lose 20 pounds in a week.

However, I don't advize it unless you enjoy vomiting and don't care how you smell....



Anyway, dude, what's the rush? I've seen pix of you - overweight was not my first thought. In fact I never thought it. (Maybe I missed something 'cause I was too busy thinking how I could get your clothes off but I doubt it).

Khash.

[jukes]

56. seriously!

IV opiates. takes a lot longer to get hooked than the uber-masters want you to believe, unless you've an addictive personality y really like the stuff.

"tornbgesic" (butorphamol", a vet-grade pain-killer, is the safest.

take an anti-histame 15 nikes before dose; it makes you itch. daily use of fiber caps is useful to avoid opiate-induced constipation.

[EFerrari]

57. Nah. You just gain it all back in rehab. n/t

[jukes]

58. IF you let yourself get jones

even heroine is less addictive that the "war on Drugs" (tm) PR prople lead you to believe.

2ce/3X a week for no more than 6 weexs is very safe.

I'm a federal expert witness in substance-abuse and addiction. the PR crap they put out is straight-up bullshit.

the caveat is that IF you have a weakness for alcohol, food, sex, or drug addiction, it is dangerous.

[EFerrari]

59. In the middle of the bullshit, we have to try to make sense.

The "War on Drugs" is an industry.

And it's not "weakness" when people become addicted.

And, no. We shouldn't believe a single effen word this government says.

[jukes]

60. sfexpat2000, def not "weaknes"

prolonged use of opiates lead to a physical dependancy, nothing to do w/ character. ANY1 that uses opiates for long periods develop a dependancy.

hope i wasn't unclear.

moderate use over short time will NOT lead to dependancy, UNLESS you enjoy the effects too much and continue use.

[EFerrari]

61. I don't mean to be confrontational but "weakness" is a loaded term.

And no, none of the junkies I work with cite "enjoyment" as their primary motivator.

You know, I just watched "Fahrenheit 9/11" again. So, I may be too furious to make sense.

peace,
Beth

[jukes]

70. this is not an AA meeting

"jargon" goes not apply, i realize the terM "weakness" is avoided in treatment programs, since it is properly a "disease" (since I was a counselor as will as a narcotics gent Y expery withess, i understand that in a clinical invironment that the term "weakness" denotes a morale inability to fight the disease."

that saying, this is not a smoke-filled room w/ bad coffee & powered cream. jargon does not apply here.

if it pleases your sensibilities more, let me rephrase that if you have a "taste" for alcohol, food-indulgence, excessive sex, or getting high, this dietary plan isn't for you.

not ALL folks that indulge in these pastimes become addicted, but it is a risk.

My post was half-facetious, but it CAN help you lose weight.

no offense intended, but this IS the lounge and every post must be taken w. a generous grain of salt.

[AlienGirl]

63. Depends on the person, I'd imagine

I have been on huge amounts of opiates and opioids, without becoming addicted. On the other hand, my ex-husband almost got addicted to Tylenol III after surgery. He experiences euphoria with any amount of opiate, whereas I think morphine feels emotionally like Ny-Quil but is an awesome painkiller--but not worth doing recreationally.

Tucker

[beyurslf]

64. Absoltuley no carbs. No caffine. No sugar (it's a carb anyway).

Limit fat intake by eating lean meats like turkey or fish (best choice). exercise. Drink lots and lots of water. Always start the day with a meal and water to start your metabolism.

[BadgerKid]

69. Bingo. High protein / minimal carbs.

Carbs make you retain water. If you're into weights, you can deplete your muscles (burns up stored carbs) to help speed up the process. In my experience I can lose up to 5% bodyweight in 3 days.

Eat 1.5 grams of protein (lean meat) per pound of bodyweight. This will help you retain muscle.

[wickerwoman]

65. Sauna, sauna, sauna!

Seriously, though... do South Beach. I lost 20 pounds in 3 weeks.

[momophile]

66. have you tried a detox kit? I'm series!!!111!!

Hi HypnoToad,

I just used a detox kit and lost 5 lbs really quick. Could help you jumpstart your weight loss. It's the second time I've used one and both times I lost 5 lbs. I bought it at the local health foods store. The kit I used was 'Whole Body Cleanse' by Enzymatic Therapy. It can be hard because it does have eating tips including cutting the caffiene out for two weeks (or at least cutting it way down).

Good luck on whatever you do. Oh, and please don't take any big risks.

[MissMillie]

67. Binge and purge

but I don't recommend it.

What's the rush? The world will end if you don't lose 20 this week?

[leftofthedial]

68. amputation

[graywarrior]

71. Put this on your fridge and when you want to eat something....

visualize