A question about a gift I received

[Amaya]

Ok, I have a male friend.. now mind you, we are just friends. I know he cares for me and I care for him ... but at the moment I can only be his friend. I have too much going on in my life to be a g/f.. and to be honest I don't know if I could. He is like a little brother to me. I'm 31 and he is 24. I know age shouldn't make a difference but I see him as a kid. Anyway, recently he gave me a 'friendship' ring.. It's a one carat diamond solitaire. I told him it was too extravagant for a friendship ring. He asked me to take and not read too much into it. But lately I've been thinking... WTF? Should I give it back? :shrug:

[KCDem]

1. that's quite a gift to a friend.

OK, so he may be sincere about your not reading too much into it... but then, if you're like me, you're going to wonder what you need to do to pay him back for it.

Hm, tricky. A lot of women would keep it. But I'm not one of them. Wish I were, I'd have a lot more stuff by now. :shrug:

[Kamika]

2. oh man

You shouldn't have accepted it..

Let's just hope he honestly just wants to be your friend now or his heart will break in one way or another.

You can't give it back.

You can't have a "let's just be friends talk"

And if he comes on to you and you decline he'll think it's wrong since you accepted the ring




the dilemmas we have :(


Anyway this is what I'd do. Keep the ring pretend like nothing, and if he comes on to you.. its time to lay down the truth, even if it'l crush him

[Amaya]

5. I knew it

I shouldn't have taken it.. Damn!

[qanda]

3. Give it back...

Life is too complicated to have gifts that make you feel uncomfortable hanging around. Time for a long talk with your "friend".

[GinaMaria]

4. Don't know

I can only say that you know the answer to your own question. Search yourself and you will find it. Trust yourself, because you know the answer. Examine the doubt you feel. What makes you ask the question? Look at all possiblities.

[WindRavenX]

6. Wow

How do you feel about the ring?
Does it make you feel like you have to be more than "just" friends now?
If it does, I think you should give it back. If you don't feel like you have to change for him, then I might be tempted to keep it, but to be honest, I myself would have great difficulty in keeping it.
Good luck...

[Amaya]

8. Well..

How do I give it back without hurting his feelings? He is the type of person that would be insulted ... really insulted.

[WindRavenX]

9. Yeah, that's the difficult part

And you said you already tried to give it back.
Honestly, if I was in your shoes, I would write a note (or a letter depending how in depth you want to go) explaining just why you cannot accept the ring. Suggest maybe doing an activity that you guys do (maybe go to a coffee place or a movie?). In other words, try to do something that you normally do with him and make it clear you are still his friend.
This is really difficult, I understand. Please keep us up to date and I wish you good luck...

[Amaya]

15. Thank you

That sounds like an idea :D

[WindRavenX]

17. No prob

It sounds like you have a very good friend :)
I'd be very flattered if someone gave me such a gift!

[Amaya]

18. He is a very great friend

and I'm flattered... but very unsure about what he's thinking?

[WindRavenX]

19. Heh..men

As you saw in my other thread, I have no idea either :)
I'm confused these days, and I don't know what to do about those crazy guys either!! :D

[Amaya]

21. Men are strange creatures indeed

I don't get them and never will :)

[ScreamingMeemie]

7. If it were me I would give it back as I would be uncomfortable.

Heck my wedding ring is only a 1/4 carat.;) Even with the best of intentions, I would just find it far, far too much to handle. Best of Luck whatever you decide.

Hugs, Laura

[Mass_Liberal]

10. sell it on the black market

:evilgrin: sorry I'm too young to know about such matters

[radwriter0555]

11. Give it back. Tell him that it's too much like an engagement ring

and that you don't want to take advantage of his feelings for you.

Be kind, kind, kind!

[madaboutharry]

12. I'm with the "give it back" opinion.

Friends always ought to be on the same page.

[cally]

13. He could have given you another piece of jewelry

but a diamond engagement ring is pretty obvious. You need to give it back if you don't feel the same way. Plus, when would you ever wear an engagement ring if you are not engaged? :shrug: It sends a message to other men that in this case you don't intend.

[Amaya]

16. Honestly I think he did on purpose

I really feel like he put me in an awkward position for a reason.

[Lizz612]

28. Tell him that.

If you feel that he put you in this conundrum on purpose, well, thats a realy cruel thing to do.

[Booberdawg]

14. Give the ring back as gracefully as possible

It might be awkward, but it is dishonest to keep the ring in my opinion.

And I will concede, opinions are like assholes - everybody has one.

[Shakespeare]

20. a one-carat diamond solitaire is NOT a friendship ring...

That's a freakin' ROCK.

I vote for "give it back," and just be as kind as possible.

[Amaya]

22. But it looks so nice on my hand

;) and I have been a good girl this year :D But I know if I keep it will mean something to him. I can't be dishonest :(

[put out]

23. I agree with Shakespeare

This sounds a little nasty, maybe, and that's not how I mean it. What does a 1 karat diamond cost these days? 5 grand, 6? I haven't priced them in a long long time, but I don't know anyone who would give a gift of that nature, with all its symbolism, and at that cost, without having very serious expectations and intentions.

If you do not have serious expectations and intentions, think very hard about keeping it. Will you really get pleasure out of wearing it or even knowing it is in your possession?

Um, I know he's your friend, but could it be a little manipulation? Don't kill me for speculating, but I would wonder were I in your shoes.

[Amaya]

24. Yeah I agree

I told him when he gave it to me it was TOO much! But he said not to read too much into it. But I do get the feeling I'm being manipulated and pushed into something.

And I don't feel comfortable wearing it.

[Shakespeare]

25. it won't mean something if you keep it--it means something RIGHT NOW

That's why you really need to give it back as soon as possible.

[jerryster]

26. Movie

If you haven't seen "When Harry Met Sally" rent it. If you've seen it see it again. Believe me, in your case the question the movie poses - and answers - is right on the money.

[jerryster]

27. milestone

My last post to you was my 100th. Long way from the 1000+ I see from a lot of DUers. But thanks for helping me get to 100.

[GOPisEvil]

29. Give the ring back, and RUN, don't walk, away from this guy.

I would not have taken it in the first place, but now that you have, you HAVE to give it back and tell this guy exactly how you feel. No being vague.

Good luck.

Punctuation edit.

[Amaya]

30. I'll give it back

but there is no need to RUN away from him. He's a great guy..
:D