How to practice for your mammogram at home.

[pokerfan]

FWIW my sister is a BC survivor.

This is an x-ray that has its own name because no one wants to actually say the word breast. Mammograms require your breasts to do gymnastics. If you have extremely agile breasts, you should do fine. Most breasts however, pretty much hang around doing nothing in particular so they are woefully unprepared. But you can prepare for a mammogram right at home using these simple exercises:

(1) Refrigerate two bookends overnight. Lay one of your breasts (either will do) between the two bookends and smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat three times daily.

(2) Locate a pasta maker or old wringer washer. Feed the breast into the machine and start cranking. Repeat twice daily.

(3) (Advanced) Situate yourself comfortably on your side on the garage floor. Place one of your breasts snugly behind the rear tire of the family van. When you give the signal, hubby will slowly ease the car into reverse. Hold for five seconds. Repeat on the other side.

[Omphaloskepsis]

1. I was just checked for testicular cancer twice in the last few months.

Both times it was a rather pleasant experience. I'm shocked they can't come up with something nice for the ladies.

[pokerfan]

2. I self examine twice an hour or so...

Just to be safe.

When I was in my twenties, my GF thought she felt a lump. I told her that it had been there as long as I could remember. She convinces me to see a doctor which led to a biopsy and a lot of pain and worry. It was benign.

[Omphaloskepsis]

3. Really, every 30 minutes...

You must love your balls. I was in the ER for unrelated testicular problems. My balls are healthy.. :yes:

[NewWaveChick1981]

4. LOL, any of these exercises will tell you exactly what to expect!

I am glad your sister survived breast cancer. I actually had a breast cancer scare when I had my baseline mammogram when I turned 40, but the biopsy showed a very small (less than half the size of my little fingernail) benign tumor. Subsequent mammograms have shown no change in the tumor, and the doc says it'll probably just stay that way. :)

I heard Cathy Ladman talk about mammograms back in one of her standup routines, and she said that in order to get the full effect, you need to be in one room while your breast is stretched into another room 50 feet away being squashed in a vise. :P