Post a one liner

[jpgray]

Women should be obscene, not heard.

[Floogeldy]

1. Salt shakers should be shaken and not stirred.

:redbox:

[jpgray]

3. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, and this wasn't it.

[asthmaticeog]

2. There are 10 kinds of people:

those who understand binary and those who don't.

[jpgray]

4. You have the brain of a meth-addict math major.

And I bet he was glad to be rid of it.

[MiniMandaRuth]

5. This morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas....

How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.

[jpgray]

6. That's the spirit! Now for a math problem

A girl has three apples, you take away two. Now, what's the large grey animal standing next to her?

That's 'erelephant.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. His mother should have thrown him away......

And kept the stork.

--Mae West!

:hi:

[jpgray]

9. You're the most beautiful woman in this thread

Which doesn't say much for you (yet) ;-)

(and to further defang my reply, MiniMandaRuth is technically a -girl- :patriot:)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. *Um*......Thank you!

I think!

:shrug: :blush:

[meow2u3]

8. Your mom is so old

she had to change her name from Methuseleh before the doctor would perform a face lift!

[jpgray]

15. I never forget a face, but in her case I'll be glad to make an exception

[LouisianaLiberal]

21. Man, you do know your Groucho quotes!

Here's another: A woman's an occasional pleasure, but a cigar is always a smoke.

[JohnKleeb]

11. I'm Rick James bitch

[jpgray]

12. The word "bitch" is evil.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others. :P

[JohnKleeb]

13. the bitch wars from two years ago

Interesting shit.

[jpgray]

14. Oh yes.

My friends were less than impressed when I said I was a veteran of the bitch wars. :D

[JohnKleeb]

16. I was there man

I was there when Margaret Cho exploded and where's our parade?. (Reference to one time on the Simpsons Homer pretending to be a Vietnam Vet)

[Guy Fawkes]

34. I'm Rick James's Bitch

Or is that not right?

[JohnKleeb]

17. Don't shave a donkey because he may get upset

[jpgray]

18. I've got to go to sleep

Have a good sleep, Kleeb. Failing that, have someone good to sleep with. :patriot:

[Ouabache]

19. You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but

you can't pick your friend's nose.

[Susang]

20. Liquor? I don't even KNOW her!

:P

[meegbear]

30. Rectum? Almost killed him!

[jpgray]

37. Bitter? Bit him, too.

[terrya]

22. Take my wife - please

[bridgit]

23. He who laughs last thinks slowest...

[TheBaldyMan]

24. A hard man is good to find.

:blush:

[Random_Australian]

25. Back in the 1700's,

an explorer's ship capsized off the coast of the most wild, cannibal savages of all time. (Papua New Guinea? ). The day after, Midshipman found himself drifting on a piece of driftwood, all alone, looking cautiously at the coast as he drifted up to it. No sooner than he had landed, he found himself surrounded by 500 warrior tribesman, armed to the teeth.

The chief steps out in front, and looks him up and down. The man says "O Lord...... I'm done for".
This big, booming voice sounds from the clouds "No! Not yet! Grab that man's spear! Stick it into the heart of the chief!" He does. For a few seconds, all the warriors just stare. He says "O Lord, erm, errr... what now?" and the big, booming voice says "Now you are done for!"

[Callalily]

26. The 50-50-90 rule:

Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there is a 90% probability you will get it wrong.

[MissMillie]

27. Once I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

:silly:

[YankeyMCC]

35. I used to have a T-Shirt with that slogan on it

it's surprising how much attention it attracted.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

28. You're only as old as the woman you feel.

[beyurslf]

29. Poker anyone? You poker, you brought her.

[underpants]

31. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana

I've had a wonderful evening, this wasn't it but I have had a wonderful evening.
.

Everyone talks about the weather but no one does anything about it.

You will make a good looking fossil.

[Bassic]

32. Hehehe

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus. :rofl:

[ThatsMyBarack]

33. Here's one from M*A*S*H:

"I would have been a bum doctor, but the proctology class was full!" :spray:

[jpgray]

39. MASH has some great ones (and delivered in Alda's Groucho voice)

I'd like a martini. A dry martini. A very dry, arid, barren, desecrated, veritable dustbowl of a martini. I want a martini that could be declared a disaster area. Mix me just such a martini.

[XNASA]

36. A man is as young as the woman he feels.

[jpgray]

38. One martini I'm drunk, two martinis I'm under the table

Three martinis and I'm under someone I don't recognize.