Favorite * joke

[banana republican]

OK i'll start.

Two texans were sitting in a bar watching the news when a picture of bush was displayed.

One of them turned to the other and said "What a horses ass". Where upon the the other hit him knocking him off his bar stool.

"What did you do that for???" he asked.

"Don't ever insult our horses again"

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

1. I can turn Clinton jokes into Bush jokes, too. Watch this...

Karl Rove was taking a walk through Washington DC when he met a six-year-old boy towing a litter of puppies around in a wagon. He stopped and remarked on how cute the pups were, and the boy said "Thank you, sir. They're Republicans."

Well, Karl thought this would be a great photo-op, so he went back to 1600 and told * the story, suggesting he swing by that neighborhood on his next jog and bring some reporters along.

So the next day, * was jogging down the same street, and sure enough, there's the kid with the puppies. * stops and says, "What nice puppies those are." The boy smiles and says, "Thank you, sir. They're Democrats."

* was, of course, confused (more than usual, I mean). "My buddy Karl talked to you yesterday, and you said they were Republicans."

"Yes sir, but now their eyes are open."

[Tinoire]

3. lol for this joke and the original thread starter! n/t

[Tinoire]

2. Here's Mine... Sleepless In The White House

Sleepless In The White House One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, then fades away.

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I could do to help the country?" "Respect the Constitution, like I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.

The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakes to see the ghost of F. D. R. hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" "Help the people, just like I did," FDR replies and fades into the mists.

Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now, to help the country?" Bush pleads. Abe replies, "Go see a play."

[mndemocrat_29]

4. LOL

Very funny

[Tinoire]

7. Then one more- Bush and the Queen

George Bush met The Queen, and he turns round and says:
"As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how my country is referred to,and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom". To which the Queen replies, "I'm sorry Mr Bush, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge - and you're not a King."

George Bush thought a while and then said: "How about a Principality then?", to which the Queen replied "Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince - and you're not a Prince, Mr Bush".

Bush thought long and hard and came up with "How about an Empire then?" The Queen, getting a little Pissed off by now replied " Sorry again, Mr Bush, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge - and you are not an Emperor."

Before George Bush could utter another word, The Queen said: "I think you're doing quite nicely as a Country"

(with apologies to country folks- my soul is country but I still thought this was hilarious)

[put out]

5. Thanks for doing this.

Laura was in their living quarters, George in the Oval Office. The shrubline rang and she picked up. "What, George" she sighed. "Oh, Pickles, you gotta get down here right now! This is terrible!" So she put out her ciggie and put on her shoes and goes to the office.

When she arrives, he is sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. She says "What on earth are you hollerin' about?" and he says "I have been workin' and workin' on this dang puzzle, and it's all wrong! I can't find the corners or the edges and the pieces won't fit!" She says "Well, George, what is it supposed to be?" Despondent, he holds up a package with a rooster on it. Laura says, "George, put the cornflakes back in the box."

[Tinoire]

6. I can picture that one! n/t LMAO

[cosmicdot]

8. What's the difference between George W. Bush and Mussolini?

Mussolini was elected.


What does the downfall of the Republican party have in common with the letter X?

It's what comes after W.


School Days ...
George W. was visiting a Florida elementary school while a fifth grade class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr.Bush if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word "tragedy."

Mr.Bush asks the class for "an example of a tragedy."

One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, was playing in the street and a car came along and ran over him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," says George W. "that would be an accident."

A little girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained George W. "that's what we would call a Great Loss."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteered.

Mr.Bush searches the room, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, in the back of the room a small boy raises his hand, in a quiet voice he says, "If you and your lawyers, Mr.Bush were to be eaten by a pack of hungry 20 foot alligators, that would certainly be a tragedy."

"Fantastic," exclaims George W., "that's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "it must be a tragedy, because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss."

[Limbought]

9. All good, but the 1st one was the best.

LOL

[southerngirlwriter]

10. ROFLMAO

Just e-mailed this to about half the planet. Thanks. :-)

[elperromagico]

11. Even my conservative father laughed at this:

Bush is meeting with Queen Elizabeth, expressing concern over the fact that people say he's stupid. Queen Elizabeth says, "President Bush, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Allow me to demonstrate." She calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

"Your majesty, it's me," PM Blair replies.

So Dubya calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

Cheney thinks for a moment and says, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you." Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

Powell says, "It's me!"

So Cheney calls Bush and says, "I have the answer, George. It's Colin Powell." And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

[onebigbadwulf]

12. AGAGAHaHA

hilarious