Wanna go to Heaven?

[Texasgal]

Foundling from the fidonet:


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A friend a mine who had been a Mormon missionary came across this "guide," circa 1970, on tattered photocopy.
Anyway, we were so amused by it (esp. "Suggestion 19"), thought it deserved a wider audience. (Note for the irony-challenged: even though this is "real," it is here for the purpose of ridiculing the Mormon religion and encouraging people to stay away from it. For more information, see Scientology.

Yours forever, Paul C. Preffen


http://www.moonmac.com/Mormon_masturbation.html

:rofl:

This shit is funny!!!

[Texasgal]

1. C'mom guys!

This shit is really funny!

[Fleshdancer]

2. HAHA!!!

Suggestions:

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the strongest.

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.

:rofl:

[ohiosmith]

3. Do I wanna go to heaven? What do you have in mind?

[Texasgal]

5. ...

:spray:

[_testify_]

4. I like the instructions in ALL CAPS

GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM!

:rofl:

[Wapsie B]

6. Well yeah,

but I'd like to raise a little hell on earth first.

[ET Awful]

7. But Item 13 says "Start each day with an enthusiastic activity."

I thought that's what we were trying to stop? :shrug:

:evilgrin: