Voice of Documentarian: So you've, uh, you've judged a lot of pageants over the years?
John: Nope. No. Uh-uh. Never judged a pageant before in my life. Nope. No way. Never around young girls. Even if I was, why would I wanna be, y'know? I- I- I don't get off on that kinda thing and that's really why you're askin', right? ...S- someone say somethin'?
Hank Vilmes: Ow, Harold, Mom said not the head.
Harold Vilmes: Well, Mom's dead, so shut your fly trap.
Hank Vilmes: I will if you shut your piehole.
Harold Vilmes: Don't make me kick ya where the good Lord split ya.
Loretta: Are we on "Cops" again?
Loretta: Can one of yous boys give me a ride home?
Annette Atkins: Don't fall for it. She lives two trailers down.
Loretta: So? Be real easy. Annette Atkins: Go on home, Loretta. Come on. Go on, the party's over. Loretta: Anyone?
Gladys Leeman: He sells reproductions! His furniture's as fake as my orgasms!
Pastor: And so, dear Lord, it is with deep sadness that we turn over to you this young woman, whose dream to ride on a giant swan resulted in her death. Maybe it is your way of telling us... to buy American.
Amber Atkins: My mom never hid the fact that my dad chose his career over us. What was it she always said?
Loretta: Once a carnie, always a carnie.
Annette Atkins: Who's this?
Amber Atkins: Oh, they're here to film me for their movie.
Annette Atkins: If they ask you to take your top off, get the money first.
Becky Ann Leeman: I'd have good strong roots in a town like Mt. Rose, a solid Christian trunk, and long, leafy branches for handicapped children to use as shelter.