Ladies, if you think a guy likes you, please tell him if you have a BF

[rockymountaindem]

So, I went out on what I thought was a date with this girl last weekend. I called her just now to see if she wanted to have what I thought would be a second date with me tonight (going to see a band with one of my friends in it). She can't make it. Why? Her boyfriend is in town!

Seriously. I sort of like her (as much as you can like someone you don't really know. She seems nice enough and she's kinda cute) and I thought she liked me. We talked for an hour about ourselves on Sunday and she didn't say a thing about a boyfriend. In fact, her facebook profile said she was single. Of course, now it's changed. I suppose she might be making it up, in that case (that wouldn't be the first time a girl did that to me).

So, I guess my request is two-fold. If you have a boyfriend, say so. If you don't like a guy, just say so and don't make up a boyfriend ex-post-facto.

:mad: :mad: :mad:

[Ohio Joe]

1. Thats close to one of my worst expierences

I asked a girl to go out with me on a friday to see some local band at a place called Couples. Bitch said sure, i'd love to go out with you, then showed up with some guy she introduced as her boyfried. I did not even say hi, I just left.

[rockymountaindem]

3. Ouch

Sad thing is, this is the second time this has happened. The first time I'm pretty sure the girl changed her mind and made up the guy as an excuse. This time I think the girl is telling the truth, but I don't know why she didn't bring it up earlier. I could have sworn she was flirting with me for like a month before I asked her out.

[mdmc]

22. lol

that SUCKS! lol... thanks for sharing!

[Ohio Joe]

33. It seems to happen all the time

When I was younger, in my twenties, it really bothered me that the women I met would simply go insane. Somewhere in my middle to late thirties I just decided that it had to be me, some weird effect I have on them. Whether its being punched in the head on a first date or having her leave me because of a sudden conversion to 'born again christian' after living together for a year, it always happens. Some sooner... some later... but when a women gets involved with me she has nothing to look forward to except imminent insanity :crazy:

[azmouse]

2. It could've been worse.

She might have had a husband... a big, mean husband.

[NewWaveChick1981]

4. Sorry about that, man. Something similar happened to me

not long after I broke up with my first boyfriend. A guy who lived in my apt. complex seemed like a nice guy, and he and I talked several times when I was out walking my dog. He even came over one day to help me move some furniture, and he stayed to watch tv. He asked me to go to a concert with him that weekend, and I accepted. He kissed me goodnight just before he went back home. I thought, "Finally! A nice guy to go out with." We got to Saturday night, and I met him at his apartment as we agreed. I got in the door, and was greeted with, "Come on in and meet my girlfriend! You'll really like each other. By the way, your ticket was $20, so you can pay me later in the evening." I stayed for about ten minutes, but I bowed out saying I didn't feel well but thanks anyway. (Actually, I was angry as hell!) Saw the guy later that week in the parking lot and didn't say anything. He waved, but I pretended I didn't see him. He stopped by a day or so later, and I told him it wasn't cool to ask me on a date and then have his girlfriend waiting in his apt. AND being told to pay for my own ticket after he asked me out. He didn't come around any more---oh, and his girlfriend broke up with him about two weeks later. :evilgrin:

I feel your pain. :hug:

[Sugar Smack]

13. EW. EW. EW.

:grr: :nuke:

[NewWaveChick1981]

17. Thanks, Sugar Smack!

My sentiments exactly. And it happened in Chapel Hill, albeit 20 years ago. :mad: I still get pissed off when I think about it.

Edited to add: Forgot to say that I'm REALLY glad I didn't sleep with him. It could have been much worse, lol!

[Sugar Smack]

24. It's like, what kind of sociopathic DORK would ever

pull such a stunt? Especially if you'd spent enough time with him for there to be no surprises in that regard. It was nice of you to not just start laughing when he introduced you two, but I understand the feeling of being totally apoplectic.

:pals:

[NewWaveChick1981]

29. I know. I wasn't sure whether to make a big scene or to

just torch his car! :shrug: It's OK---I'm finished with idiots. While he's far from perfect, I found a MUCH better guy and have been with him for a long time!

:yourock: Thanks for your take on this---at least I know I'm not alone!

[billyskank]

5. It sucks when you like a girl who has a boyfriend

Happens to me all the time. :(

[AllegroRondo]

18. It sucks worse when you like a girl who has a girlfriend

happened to me once.

[Nikia]

6. That happened to me with a guy

At this academic camp we went to in high school. He took me out for what I thought were dates, especially since he paid. That first Friday, I told him that I really liked him. He said that he was sorry about that because he had a girl friend and that she was visiting him at the camp that weekend. I was hurt and it got worse from there.
When I was in college, I tried to mention that I had a boyfriend. Now I try to mention that I have a husband when I talk to men who are being friendly to me. There have been a couple men though that didn't seem to get it and ended up hurt despite telling them this several times.
I think that attatched people and unattatched people often have different goals when they are being friendly with someone. A single person will generally want to date a person who they find friendly, attractive, and someone who they like. An attatched person might not have a problem with being friends with someone like that and still might be committed to their primary relationship.

[bettyellen]

7. i have been hit on by guys that have their baby mama and baby in tow

and i'd be like dude, thanks but it looks like you got your hands full already.
but there are a lot of people out there who figure, what the hell, it's worth a shot.

i don't assume that when i hang out with guys that it always has a sexual component to it, but i'm pretty clueless. and i've learned guys often feel differently, they seem to mostly want to be friends only if they are going to hit on you, or would if they could. it seems like, uhm, different criteria then they use when choosing their guy friends. or else they just want to fuck everybody who's nice to them. i dunno.

[Nikia]

14. I don't assume that hanging out with guys has a sexual component either

Maybe it comes from hanging out with guys in high school who weren't interested in dating me. I don't think that all guys assume a sexual component, but single guys seem to assume that.

[supernova]

8. I'm not asked either way

so.. :shrug:

[CanuckAmok]

9. No, ladies, do him and THEN tell him you have a BF.

that way, everybody wins.

[rockymountaindem]

10. Except for the BF

I don't think he wins in that scenario.

[CanuckAmok]

11. depends on some variables, but, ultimately, meh

He's gonna get cheated on eventually; why postpone the inevitable? By getting it done sooner than later, he'll at least have his youth.

[windy252]

30. no text

:spray:

[henslee]

12. From my experience, a BF, who's often out of town is soon an ex-BF.

I wouldn't give up on her so easy. Play it cool. Besides, it sounds to me like she's trying to figure things out.

[rockymountaindem]

No. The hell with her

If she's not going to be honest it doesn't matter. I'm not going to hang around waiting for her to break up with some guy. That might not happen anyway. She's been at school all year and she hasn't broken up with someone from home, that doesn't sound like anything I need to invest my time in. There are other people after all, and she just seemed like one I could get. There's nothing about her that I can't find in lots of other people.

Then of course there's the girl from home I *really (x100)* like, but she doesn't want a relationship with anybody so we're just friends. At least she's honest.

[mdmc]

15. I once asked a girl to the opening night of Mike Moore's F911

When I went to pick her up, she asked if her boyfriend could go with us!. I told her that I only had two tickets. They thought that they could buy tickets at the door. Of course, it was sold out. I bet he would have sneaked in, but they were both GOP activist and knew I would make hay about one of them sneaking into F911. The boyfriend went to see some other movie.

[mikeytherat]

16. A guy tried to go through ME to pick up my wife!

One of the weirdest things I've ever experienced!

Mrs. Rat and I went back to the 'ol college one weekend, and we're at the local pub. Dude sitting next to us at the bar keeps asking me, "Is it serious with you two?" and, "I'd really like to ask her out." Even though I kept pointing out we were married (rings displayed on both of us), and even after Mrs. Rat told him, "I'm married, and I'm not interested in you," he kept at it! Never once did he speak to my wife - all of his interaction was with me. I finally threatened him with grievous bodily harm, and he got the message and left us alone.

The twist of lime to this little story:
His girlfriend was right beside him the whole time just FUMING - I think she was too shocked at what he was doing to say anything initially, but he was getting reamed (and, I presume, dumped) right after I offered to activate his dental plan.

mikey_the_rat

[Left Is Write]

19. How weird.

Wonder what kind of game he thought he was playing.

[mikeytherat]

20. Dunno. "How to get your ass kicked in one easy step" perhaps?

16 years later Mrs. Rat and I still talk about this - it was surreal!

mikey_the_rat

[Lilith Velkor]

27. "humiliate the girlfriend to prove some stupid point"

Or, he was using the passive-aggressive method of breaking up. You know, get her to dump him so she gets to be the "bad guy." :eyes:

[Left Is Write]

28. Yeah, that could be.

[mdmc]

21. perhaps they were swingers

some guy asked me once about my chick friend. When he heard that we "were not serious", he sent his wife over to hit on me. She was cute, and I told her if her hubby could pick up my friend, it would be a go.

I forgot what happened. :shrug:

[mikeytherat]

23. Maybe HE wanted to swing, but his GF was livid!

He definitely did not get any that night from anyone (well, maybe from himself)!

mikey_the_rat

[ghostsofgiants]

25. Ugh, that is the worst.

I've had it happen before as well. Not cool.

[Hong Kong Cavalier]

26. I know what that's like...

I once semi-dated a woman who, for some reason, completely neglected to tell me that she had a boyfriend.
We went to concerts, movies, dinner, had long talks, spent a lot of time together (almost 12 hours one day).
But for some reason, I had to find out she had a boyfriend from a co-worker, who ran into her boyfriend at a
gas station where he told my co-worker who he was dating (they all went to the same high school together).

When I finally brought his name up; (all I said was "so are you dating this guy?"), she just told me goodnight and got in her car.
No explanation at all. She just got in her car and drove away. Every time I saw her after that, she pretended like that (one-sided) conversation didn't
happen.

Hell, I found out second-hand that she got engaged to said boyfriend, too. For some reason, she had problems being
forthcoming to me about anything like that. And last time I saw her, she still insisted we were "close friends". :shrug:

Of course, I know a more than a few men that will "withhold" information that they have a girlfriend, too, when they meet
someone. Hell, some of them don't even mention (to the woman they're with) that they're married.

[windy252]

31. I'm recommending this post. n/t

[yorgatron]

32. i have never had this problem.

in fact,most women i meet seem to cram in a comment about their b/f in the 1st sentence.

[Starlight]

34. Yeah, sounds like a made up boyfriend excuse.

:wtf:

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

35. Sometimes, though they are not sure whether they like you MORE or not,

and hide this info while they are deciding. So I don't think it's a bad thing, maybe they have a boyfriend but they are interested in you and want to "check you out" on a date or two. Maybe after a first date they decide it's not going to happen then they can spring the BF news on you.

Of course there are some that have no intention of getting anything going with you and just like the attention and flattery and are, in essence, using you to pump their ego.

[rockymountaindem]

36. Oh, that's nice

Like I need that. Fortunately yesterday afternoon I called her and got her to mix her story up. I think she knows that I know. I certainly won't be talking to her anymore.