Why do gay men feel they are entitled to hit on my husband in front of me?

[debbierlus]

First, I have NO problem whatsoever with being gay. I have several close gay friends.

My husband & I, are in the antique business.

I have noticed that quite often the gay men we encounter will flirt shamelessly with my husband in front of me. Worse, they get annoyed that I am there! It is almost, as if, they resent me for being his partner and that he should be available to them.

This is certainly by no means universal. Plenty of gay people I know are nothing but respectful, pleasant, and friendly to me. But, it is happening often enough as to where I am getting sick of it. I would never flirt with ANYONE's partner, gay, straight, bi, or whatever. If a person is in a relationship, I respect that. And, I would never dream of openly flirting with a person in front of their partner and ignore/dismiss/or treat rudely that partner. I have never had a woman flirt with my husband like this (they may smile or be a little flirty but who cares?) I am not jealous, but offended. My husband is a great looking guy (6'2, dark hair, ice blue eyes).

What is the DEAL with this?

I feel an almost reverse discrimination from some of these people. They seem only comfortable in gay circles, and have no use for a woman around!

I am just venting, but this is a weird pattern.

[Droopy]

1. How many times has that happened?

You just have an attractive husband. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Do you think they are going to convert him or something? :D

On edit: do they know that he is your husband?

[debbierlus]

4. No, I am just sick of being treated rudely

My husband is gorgeous. I can stand a little playful flirting. But, being shunted aside, ignored, and dismissed is beyond rude.

[ScreamingMeemie]

6. But...you are the one warming his bed...

and that's what counts at the end of the day.

[debbierlus]

8. About once a week....

When we go into the city...buying, consigning, delivering...

They know. If they are men we haven't met before, he always shake their hands and introduces me as his wife.

[Droopy]

16. I guess that is kinda rude if they know he is married

and you are right there. I wouldn't think it any different than a woman behaving in a similar manner, though. Do you notice that women sometimes do the same thing? I'm just thinking that you've got a good looking guy in your husband and people just can't help themselves; :)

[debbierlus]

19. I have never had a woman do this to him

Just a string of gay men....

[madeline_con]

66. So, how does he feel about it?

O.K. , uncomfortable, amused... (?)

[bigwillq]

2. I think you are taking this way too seriously.

I flirt all the time with everyone. Male, female, gay, straight, bi, tri......

That's just my personality.

You have nothing to worry about. They can't turn him gay.

Just be lucky you're husband is that attractive.

If it bothers you so much, tell these people the next time they do it.

[ScreamingMeemie]

3. Men and women flirt with MrG or make comments on his looks alot.

I take it as a compliment to my excellent taste. :)

I would not worry about it.

This reminds me of the old thickheaded argument that black girls hate white women who take their men away from them. It is a free society. Some people are going to act within the bounds of propriety (whatever that is to each one of us) and some are not. Unless your husband is flirting back or outright cheating on you, why worry about it?

[debbierlus]

7. Perhaps, I wasn't clear

There is a big difference between flirting and what is going on here.

I am talking about them not only flirting with my husband, but being actively rude to me.

I have gay friends who playfully flirt with him, and I think it is funny.

This is different. They are resentful, and hostile.

That is what bugs me. And, INCESSANT flirting combined with rudeness towards me is insulting.

[ScreamingMeemie]

9. I have had waitresses be completely dismissive of me and practically

throw themselves into MrG's lap...and then we (he and I, because we're together) get in the car and ride off into the sunset. I guess what I was trying to say is that the world is made up of all kinds of people, and as long as your husband only has eyes for you I wouldn't worry about it. We can't get everyone to behave IOW.

[debbierlus]

17. MR G. That sounds so funny!

Okay, I will just keep smiling and let it go.

It just happened one time too many, today.

[Puglover]

10. Sounds like the people you

describe are rude assholes. Either ignore them or call them on it. Simple.

[shanti]

37. hold up now

black "girls" and white "women"? do you not see something wrong with your statement? for some reason this always bothers me when i hear it and i hear it vice versa from both black women and white women. it's a respect thing.

[ScreamingMeemie]

40. I guess I should have clarified. I think the whole thing is disrespectful

to black women, but this is usually how it is put forth.Black girls vs. white women, for bigots tend to think like that. Sorry I did not clarify.

[LeftyMom]

5. Some people like to flirt, both male and female.

If it bothers you maybe you should discuss with him how to send a subtle signal that he's not interested in flirting. He may be encouraging it without realizing it.

edit: I do understand that "hi, I AM here" thing though. I experience that a lot myself.

[debbierlus]

12. He doesn't flirt back

I think it makes him uncomfortable.

But, the guys just love him. He seems to be the gay men's magnet.

[LeftyMom]

21. He may not be flirting back

but depending on his body language, whether he seems flattered etc he may be unwittingly encouraging it.

Have him try turning the subject back to business- ie "can I get this delivered tuesday?" and if that doesn't work having him pointedly draw you back into the conversation by asking "sweetie, what do you think of this piece?" or something like that. Using an affectionate nickname for you will subtly hint that he's happily paired off and considerate of your feelings.

[Deja Q]

11. I have a lot of black friends too.

:eyes:

Men are biologically programmed to look.

Men like men.

Therefore gay men are going to look at other men.

Straight men will look at women.

Bi men will look at both.

And women have urges too. Men know y'all look too.

Hang up the hangup and then all will be well. Men don't mean to be inconsiderate. We just like to look and it's not a conscious thang.

[Sugar Smack]

18. My boyfriend gets humped-on by a lot of DUer's. And guess what?

I'm flattered if they're as charming and cute as you. :hi: B-)

[Deja Q]

25. :)

Thank you!
:yourock:

(BTW: You're one lucky chick! :evilgrin: But I promise not to pry, even if his pendulum really did swing both ways! :D )

[Sugar Smack]

26. *snort*! You can't help it. You're a natural flirt.

You're adorable, and this is why I put up with you. *LOL* :rofl: :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya:

[GirlinContempt]

32. Can I hump on him?

PLEASE? :D

[Deja Q]

35. You wait your turn!

:evilgrin:

:rofl:

Care for a sandwich?

:spray:

[GirlinContempt]

39. But, but, but

:(

:D

[Sugar Smack]

36. If you can be as adorable as HT and as loving,

kind, and gentle to me, I'll consider it. *WOW! LOL!* :D :loveya: :rofl:

[GirlinContempt]

38. Where do I start?

:loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya:
:* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :*

[Sugar Smack]

42. .

:* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :*

[GirlinContempt]

45. YOWZAH

Nevermind the boyfriend, can I just have YOU? *drool*

[Sugar Smack]

48. *HAHAHAHA* What d'you think? my boyfriend has no

issues with that & he told me how much he likes you. :evilgrin:


*lol* Luv U til the day I die, baybee!

[GirlinContempt]

56. THREESOME!

[Sugar Smack]

62. *gggggggggough*

:D :9

[GirlinContempt]

63. Wowzah

So how long till you're in my neighbourhood again, sweetpea? ;) :loveya:

[no name no slogan]

51. Only if you're wearing those eurotrash shades and blasting Devo

then I'm all yours! (some restrictions apply) :hi:

[GirlinContempt]

54. What restrictions?

[no name no slogan]

58. You gotta talk to "the boss" about those

(aka Sugar Smack) :D

[GirlinContempt]

60. Oh suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugar

:D

[Sugar Smack]

64. *muah!*

[GirlinContempt]

65. Name your terms and conditions, luscious

[no name no slogan]

47. The only one I hump back on is you, though

but, of course, you knew that already :evilgrin:

Eleven more days... I can't wait!

[Sugar Smack]

49. *eeeeeeeeeeeee!*

:rofl:

[no name no slogan]

50. squishy squishy

I can't get the new camera working (yet), but maybe this will tide you over:



:loveya:

[Sugar Smack]

55. WELL. Nice butt.

Really. :D

[no name no slogan]

59. Yours is pretty nice, too, y'know...

Gotta get the new camera working, I tell ya...

[benny05]

57. Looks like my partner!

Butt and all...:loveya:

[UncleSepp]

20. Well put, HypnoToad! n/t

[KitchenWitch]

53. I have been in similar situations with the OP

Not necessarily gay men, but situations when women were being downright rude and hostile to me while simultaneously all but propositioning my husband. I do not mind a little harmless flirting, but that behavior is not harmless. If someone is being overtly hostile to one party while being flirty with the other party, it is not harmless.

I have had countless situations in which waitresses would behave in that manner, be rude to me, not paying attention to refiling my drink, while practically sitting in my husband's lap and he gets countless refills. Believe me, it gets reflected in the tip.

[UncleSepp]

13. Why do SOME men who are gay feel they are entitled...

Please don't extend this. I have seen women do the same thing with my husband. These men are rude because they're rude, not because they're gay. If they were straight, they might be flirting with you and ignoring your husband. Please read over how you wrote what you wrote.

[debbierlus]

14. My bad. SOME gay men.

And, you are spot on. It is the RUDENESS that gets me.

[UncleSepp]

24. :: hugs :: It's the same thing that causes some men to ignore women

It's the same kind of rudeness that causes a certain kind of man to address the man of a mixed couple directly, as if the woman isn't there. Just plain inconsiderateness.

[terrya]

23. Thank you.

Yes, SOME gay men may do this. Just as SOME heterosexual men may flirt with other husband's wives.

[jmm]

15. Why do straight women feel they are entitled to hit on my

boyfriend in front of me? Why do straight men feel they are entitled to hit on me in front of my boyfriend? Why do lesbians feel they are entitled to hit on me in front of my boyfriend? Why have bisexual people felt they are entitled to...

Really this is a universal problem that has everything to do with personal boundaries and respect but nothing to do with preference.

[debbierlus]

22. You are right, this has just been the way it has happened with us

I was venting.

[Flying Dream Blues]

27. My husband's ex-GF just sent HIM an invitation to her

birthday dinner...Mr. TTLG and GUEST...not only have we been married 4 years, but she was at the wedding. I'm STILL seething over this one. She has also done other things like this too, but this was the last straw. As you say, flirting is one thing, but deliberate rudeness is something else.

[debbierlus]

28. I don't know where people get off

People on the board are right.

I am just going to ignore them, and if they push it too far, I will call them on it.

[gollygee]

29. Some people are just flirty

and I don't mean to stereotype but the gay men I know tend to on the average be flirtier than the straight men I know.

So it's probably just harmless flirting.

It means your husband is hot. That's a good thing, right? Take it as a compliment :)

[Darth_Kitten]

30. That's disrespectful behaviour.....

:(

[La Lioness Priyanka]

31. ohh puhlease!

straight women flirt outrageously with gay men all the time!

flirting is not such a horrible thing....

maybe they are flirtier or friendlier to him because he is nicer? more pleasant? easier to converse with?

[debbierlus]

33. Now, that is uncalled for.........

I am very nice. Very easy to get along with...very outgoing...very friendly.....

And, flirting isn't such a horrible thing.

But, rudeness is!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

34. i dont take generalizations of a marginalized group lightly.

sorry its just not in my nature.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

I think the Lioness was talking about him in contrast to other men -nt

[Missy Vixen]

41. We've had this happen as well

One of the more uncomfortable 15 minutes or so I have spent was when the former musical director of Rosie O'Donnell's TV show approached DH after a taping we'd attended several years ago. I'm glad he found DH attractive. I do, too. DH wears a ring and was obviously with me. What was happening was evidently so blatant and so inappropriate to others standing there as well that one of his co-workers finally spoke up and said, "You know, he's married, and we're leaving."

Julie

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

43. Maybe their gaydar went off?

:yoiks:

[Deja Q]

44. Oh my!

:wow:

:rofl:

[eyepaddle]

52. Can you find the picture of Bender with his chest

open showing his rotating Gaydar dish?

I remember the joke was about some guy coming from "a planet with a strong tradition of musical theater!"

Well, I laughed pretty hard, at any rate! :rofl:

[Deja Q]

69. No, but I'll be happy to substitute mine!

:rofl:



Ooooooooooh! I'm also response #69! :rofl:

[bigwillq]

46. .......

:rofl:

[Floogeldy]

61. Because it's a free frickin' country!

This is America, Jack. Or so they say. ;)

[sundog]

67. maybe you should encourage him to get out of the antiques business

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

68. LOL you scamp

[AussieDave]

70. STEREOTYPE !!! STEREOTYPE !!!!

You are a very naughty boy for saying things like that.......:spank:


:rofl: