Etiquette question: You offer to help out at a friend's wedding...

[Bossy Monkey]

Full background: My girlfriend's friend from college is getting married shortly. My gf offered to help out if needed. Now this isn't a BFF type situation; they were just good friends in college and college was ten years ago. They've stayed in touch to some degree, but not very closely. (She and I have been together for nearly five years and I had never heard of the friend until this wedding came up, to give you some idea of their closeness or estrangedness, if that's a word.) Also, the wedding is 150 miles from here, much of that distance interstate-free.

Sooooo the friend suddenly asks gf if she'd serve food at the reception. Does this strike anybody other than us as more than a little rude? It seems to me that either you can afford to pay caterers or maybe you shouldn't have food at your reception. Are we being out of line or is she? My sweetheart would be willing, even enthusiastic, to hand out bubble blow or birdseed to guests immediately after the ceremony or something like that, but being cafeteria lady in an evening dress seems a little above and beyond. Any thoughts?

[Orangepeel]

1. hmm....

being asked to serve cake is actually supposed to be an honor. but this is, like, dishing out potato salad?

I don't know. I'd do it, if I offered to help. But I'd think it was a little odd.

[XemaSab]

2. I think it's up to the girlfriend to decide

I'd be peeved, but I'm touchy like that. :(

[OhioBlue]

3. well...

I personally wouldn't have made such a request and do find it a little surprising,
but, your g/f did make the offer and the bride-to-be probably isn't her usual self right now and freaking out about the smallest details. I wouldn't be to angry with her - she could have made the same request of aunts and cousins, not thinking that it would be rude, but rather a way to include more people and fill some of the slots on her "to do" list.

It does put you and your g/f in a bit of a difficult situation tho. Is there anyway for your g/f to politely decline the request?

[petronius]

4. It's hard to say without knowing more...

My wife and I did a lot of work for a friend who was having a very low-key, DIY sort of wedding - we did a lot of odd things, including some miscellaneous landscaping the day before, drink pouring, table-setting, etc. It was fun, and we had a pretty clear idea of what we were offering when we said we'd do anything. Still, there were a few snobby relatives we didn't know who seemed to think we were the servants.

I'd say that since you offered the right thing to do would be to help out wherever is needed - it sounds as though the bride is putting everything together herself (and apparently not hiring a catering staff). She's probably got a lot on her mind and any help you give will be a great gift. You'll have fun, probably, and at least you'll have something to do if you don't know a lot of other guests. However, be prepared for some irritations as stuff gets dumped on you, and don't take any shit you're not being paid to take (i.e., none at all)...

Edit: skipped a word...

[madeline_con]

5. "... serve food at the reception ..."

Yes, it sounds very rude. Your gf is being asked to be "the help" at the wedding. Next thing you know, they'll ask you to park cars!:(


Maybe they could do it buffet style.

[Fleshdancer]

6. Tacky tacky tacky

Yes, it's rude. Who asks such a thing? I guess it would be one thing if the wedding was a very small affair and the two women were very close friends (and if your gf wasn't an out of town guest), but from the situation you described, I think it's insulting.

[Floogeldy]

7. Seems weird to me.

Fuck it. No.