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"Rabrrrrrr, I need you to go to a small planet orbiting a sun at the outer edge of a small galaxy", said God.
"What for?" says I.
"I need your help there. I'm making human beings there next, and I need your help."
"Doing what?"
"Just sort of metaphorically stirring the pot, watching the process, adjusting the temperatures, making sure it's all going okay."
"For how long?"
"Just a couple years."
"Sure?"
"Sure."
"Just a couple years?"
"Yep."
Yep, that's how it went... 872,000,000 years later, here I am... still watching, still overseeing, still managing the evolution of you silly things as you hit and kill and slaughter each other and rape your planet and pretend that invisible boundary lines matter.
"Just a few years". My ass. Should have known that He meant "in my sense of time".
Shit, this is like a third of my life spent in this backwater, and you fuckers were only interesting interesting between about 10,000 BC and 1100 AD. Then you got interesting in World War II again, but you managed to get the only guy who was providing any decent entertainment to kill himself and his girlfriend.
What a fucking boring job you people are. For God's sake, you still think time is linear, to say nothing about how, after 800,000,000 years, you still think matter is real.
Asses.
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