Has anyone ever placed a Parent in a Senior Care Home?

[corarose]

It wasn't noticeable until my Birthday that my Dad has a problem finding his way home or to places that he has been to for the past 25 years.

I sent him for a cake at Deerfields Bakery in Deerfield, IL. He has been going there several times a year for the past 25 years and this time he got lost and came back without a cake and he didn't even remember how he got back.
All he needed to do was to board the train at Union Station a few blocks from my apt. and then take the train to Deerfield and when he got off he would walk over 2 small blocks. That was not a big task but he got lost and I didn't mind not having a cake but he throws horrible fits now. That night I had a ticket to a Play and he tore it up and threw it in my face and then he looked like he was lost again.

In the past week he has gotten off on different floors in my apt bldg and left his groceries at their doors.
I had security banging on my Door asking me to let my Dad in and they asked why I wasn't letting him in. I told them that he didn't knock on my door prior to them coming up or I would have let him in.
They found his groceries on another floor at the same apt number but on a different floor. He keeps doing this and I am getting very worried about him.

A couple of weeks back he asked were Ramona was at that he needed to feed her and she had passed away but he didn't remember that.

He puts Valentino up on the counter tops which I have told him not to and then her starts breaking what little possessions that I have when I tell him that he can't do something.

He also has to be made to get into the bathtub because he will argue with you that he just took a bath and that drives me nuts.

I would like to find a Senior Citizen home that he might be able to meet a lady that is his age. He is a WW2 Vet and I am not sure if they have homes for the men.

[latebloomer]

1. I would check the local VA Medical Center first

and see if they have a nursing home component.

Sounds like you do need to do this soon-- he sounds like he is becoming a danger to himself.

[WWW]

2. Wow, my mother is living with us right now..

And I really don't know what to do. She should be in a nursing home, but I am trying to keep her in a family setting as long as possible. Your dad though sounds like he needs professional help. Please read Blue Shoe by Anne Lamottt.. He sounds like he has some health issues that you need professional help on. They can have really small strokes that impede their orientation. I started a similar thread the other night and learned that the best thing I could do for my Mom was to get her professional help. And, that I could not do it on my own :)

[MuseRider]

3. Sounds very scary.

As difficult as it is it sounds like for his safety you need to do something. My mother had throat cancer, stopped breathing on the operating table and was brain damaged. She insisted on staying home, by herself. She was incapable of taking care of herself. I live about 10 minutes from where she lived so I was always going over there for emergencies, at least she remembered my phone number and would scratch on the phone if she needed help, she could no longer talk. I finally had to do it, she almost burned her house down. She never forgave me, hated me for it but it was the only thing I could do after 2 years of taking care of her like that with two grade schoolers in my house. Your father could get into real trouble, even in a care center. I would do it before he gets lost in the cold. I am sorry to hear about this. Take care and try not to feel guilty about it. The only other thing you could do is hire someone to be his companion but that is very expensive and you would have to be there if they call in sick. Is that possible? That would be the best but still very difficult. Good luck, it is a difficult thing to do.

[hedda_foil]

4. You need to call a social service agency to get you connected and informed

Catholic Charities in Chicago is great (operates on a non-sectarian basis ... my Jewish grandmother and aunt were served by them). Also the City of Chicago has a senior services department. Call them tomorrow morning and they'll help you through the maze.

[corarose]

11. My Dad is a member of Holy Name Cathedral

I will call them tomorrow thanks.

[DS1]

5. Move to England and leave all your problems behind

:shrug:

[Name removed]

10. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Flaxbee]

6. My mom is in an asst. living facility in Idaho...

Idaho has what they call an "Ombudsman for the Elderly" with a few offices in the state capital of Boise. Contacting the VA is a good idea; also perhaps call your state offices (the Internet will have a listing of the state office(s) that handle(s) senior affairs) to find a local group or office that can help you with the transition, funding, etc. It is not an easy thing to do, emotionally or financially and I found the experience rather frustrating and at times overwhelming, but it had to be done and I can relax knowing that she's cared for and safe.

[childslibrarian]

7. Call your local senior care center

They can help you out...There are services out there, but you need to talk to a social worker...

[SummerGrace]

8. Hi Corarose

Some suggestions:

I would print out your post and make an appointment with your dad's PCP (primary care physician) for your dad to have a very thorough check up. There are many things, especially with older people, that can cause dementia (brain disease) type behaviors that are very treatable. The PCP can also make a referral to a neurologist if needed for further evaluations.

A website I found helpful is ElderCare Online:
http://www.ec-online.net/

This is an article from Beverly Bigtree Murphy about caregiver issues:
http://www.ec-online.net/Knowledge/Articles/guiltmurphy.html

[corarose]

9. We live in the Gold Coast area of Chicago

I am 1 mile from Cabrini Greens and if he gets lost he might get hurt.

[agingdem]

12. Before you start with nursing homes....

have you father evaluated by a physcian that specializes in eldercare. If you father is diagnosed with Alzheimers or dementia more than likely he will be referred to a neuropsychologist so as to determine the degree of damage. Go from there. Good luck.

[corarose]

13. I hope that it is just medication that he needs

When he is gone I will have no one to talk to because I am too shy to talk on the phone.

[mlawson]

15. This might be bad news, but about 'medication'....

My mother had age related dementia, formerly called 'hardening of the arteries'. She became forgetful, and was living alone in her house 50 miles from here (she refused to come live with me). It got so bad that I had to go there twice a week, just to keep her clean, and TRY to get her to eat. Finally, she had to go to the hospital, because weakness overcame her.

I do not know of any medication for what she had, Alzheimer's, I don't know. Maybe. But not for common dementia.

She was in assisted living for 14 months, and she was kept clean, fed, and she did get somewhat better for a while. Did she like it there? No, don't expect that. I would say, talk to a qualified socil worker, who knows the 'system'. I did that, and he steered me to the best 'home' around here. It was $1500/mo, but it was worth it. Good luck.

[FlaGranny]

19. Medications!!! - Is he on any meds now?

Sometimes certain medications can cause problems. Make certain you ask his doctor about the side effects of any he might be taking. Sometimes, they forget and take too many also.

[izzie]

14. Well sort of. My daughter did it for her father.

He washed his hands of his mother and the doctor said I could not take care of her any more and my husband signed her rights away to his daughter. My daughter is very kind and we both did as well as we could for the lady.The doctor did a lot for us as she kept falling and getting hurt and he made up mind she would not be let out unless she had round the clock care. Frankly she would not do what she had to do and would hurt her self.I was up all hours of the night watching her so she would not fall. It was just awful as my own mother needed me at the same time. That was a 100 miles of driving a day for her.I was very thankful my daughter and doctor helped me.

[southerngirlwriter]

16. If you do find a placement for him,

it is REALLY important that you check up on him fairly frequently, and NEVER when the staff knows you're coming. 3 of my 4 grandparents are dead, and they all had Alzheimer's. When they get to a certain point they can't tell you if they're getting proper care or not. I and my cousins take turns checking up on my grandma who's in a senior home now. Never at the same time -- sometimes we visit Monday morning at 7, sometimes Thursdays at noon, sometimes Sunday night at 8. No rhyme or reason. We found one person who was dangerously inattentive and got them dismissed. We know Grandma is okay. It gives us peace of mind, as well as insuring her needs are being met.

[greatauntoftriplets]

17. Abuse in nursing homes is a real problem.

You are correct about having to check up on parents/grandparents in those places frequently.

http://abcnews.go.com/sections/us/DailyNews/nursinhomes_elderlyabuse_0107230.html

http://www.house.gov/reform/min/inves_nursing/

[seventhson]

18. The biggest issue will be finances

You should do a lot of research on the internet and talk to professionals before he gets "committed" to a home.

All of his assets, generally, will have to be expended before he can get his benefits (unless he has special insurance).

It might be wise to talk to an attorney who specializes in elder care and financial planning.